25.11.2006

Tears of Love

Tears of Love - Chapter 1

 

Behind the counter of a well known restaurant called Rose's Diner, on the East Side of Chicago, there are two women behind the counter. One is an average looking, brunette. She's the kind of woman who is everybody's friend. Her name is Jean Marie Hardin. The other woman is a real pretty one, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She has the kind of eyes, that you can see right through. And behind them is the dark side of fear.

She really looked out of place here in this quaint diner. She looked like she belonged somewhere else. Somewhere else in a kind of classy place, and certainly did not look like the waitress type. Her name is Karolina Myers, and she serves a good cup of coffee. She also offers good conversation and likes good wholesome jokes.

One thing that really seemed to brighten her day was, two kids who came in about the same time every day. One was Ida Marie, Jean Marie's daughter and her friend, Tony. They would take a seat and order sodas. Karolina would tousle their hair when Tony would ask every day when she would go out with him. She would only say "Someday soon Sweetie."

But this day they didn't seem to do their job in lightening up her day. She seemed sad, and downhearted, because her good friend and boyfriend Michael had left for California yesterday. He left for a better job when she said she couldn't commit to him. So they said their good-byes and parted ways. She admitted to herself she couldn't commit to him, or anyone for that matter. But she was still lonely for companionship.

But there was lots more than she was willing to tell. But she had told Jean Marie she was thinking of moving because she was getting annoying phone calls. The calls came all hours of the n off you won't see any shadows."

"So I guess you live in the dark?"

"Don't be silly. It's just one of her crazy mixed up sayings. Like never wear your shoes on the wrong feet. You'll never know if you're coming or going." That brought a smile or two to them.

Things were slow and she was sitting at a table mindlessly stirring a cup of coffee. And looking out into the dreary streets. She thought it is going to snow soon, she could feel it in her bones. The leaves had long ago fell, and the wind had an icy chill in it. But she loved it, and loved being outside, no matter how cold it was.

She remembered back to when she first came to Chicago. It had been five months ago, even then the wind had a chill to it, some say it always does. She found this restaurant the day she had arrived, but she hadn't gone inside. Instead she remembered looking through the same window she now looked out of, and wished for some final peace.

It wasn't until the next morning when she left her new apartment hungry, did she come inside. She remembered then, it was almost like going home. Red checkered tablecloths draped every table, and candles were there whether lit or not. As scared as she was they had made her feel like she belonged in their group they called their Family.

Charles the cook had served her up a plate of his famous scrambled eggs, bacon, and buttermilk biscuits and gravy. He said she looked like she could use a hearty meal. Actually she had ate every bite and was thankful for a meal at last it had been awhile since she last ate. She felt like she could relax enough to eat something and enjoyed the food.

Jean Marie who had taken to her right away was rambling on about how they needed help, especially during lunch hours. It had been her persuasion that encouraged her to ask for a job. Charles was more than eager to hire her without knowing if she had experience or not. She remembered he said she looked like she needed a break. Even Mr. Wells the kind old man she had grown to know and respect, had been there that day. He told her he was a loner too, since his wife Frances passed away a short time ago.

She sipped her coffee, hoping she could finally make this her home. Even though the phone calls were disturbing her, she felt secure for a change. Secure in knowing she was far from where she had come from, and had a totally new look. She felt confident know one would find her in a low class place like this. At least she sure hoped not. She was tired of running from town to town, looking back behind her everywhere she went. But deep down she knew she would always be looking beyond and behind herself. But at least for now she was free and hoped to stay that way.

A stranger came in bringing the chill with him. He scanned her face as he walked past her. She felt another chill up her spine, but it soon left, as he smiled a hello to her an took a seat. The girl who was to relieve her came in for her shift and hung her coat up. Karolina looked back outside and saw a long black car hat stopped and the people inside seemed to be looking in. She shivered and looked away, but glancing back she was relieved to see that it had pulled away.

"Ouch!" She was jabbed in the side by a smiling Jean Marie who said. "Earth calling. Will you go or not?"

"Go, go where?" She asked.

"To the movies. Haven't you been listening at all?" Jean Marie asked? She continued explaining again, that Gary was working late and she would like to go to the movies. They could go somewhere to eat and she would find a sitter. She agreed and they changed out of their uniforms and took Ida Marie to a neighbor and went out for chicken.

She remembered Michael had taken her to the movies once. He had thought she was crazy, for not knowing what a theater was. He had even asked had she been living in the Dark align="justify">She had no idea what to expect from a bar, she didn't want to admit she had never been to one. Jean Marie would sure question that too. So she just let her take the lead. Loud music filled her ears as they entered, and she had trouble hearing Jean Marie. It took several minutes for her to adjust to the loud music. Several people called out to Jean Marie and waved a hello, as they took a table close to the band. They both remarked they didn't much care for alcohol, so ordered cokes and french fries to munch on. As they listened to the 50'S band they snapped their fingers and rocked to the beat.

They both were asked to dance, at first she shied away first, then remembered how she used to like dancing and accepted to a fast song. When her partner asked for the next dance a slow song she declined and went back to Jean Marie. They both refreshed their lipstick, mentioning their lips were chapped from the cold air. Though she never noticed. the lead singer was watching as she put on the lipstick. He licked his own lips and groaned to himself as he watched.

He had noticed her when she took the table. He noticed the way she flipped her hair when she took off her coat. He even noticed the way she sipped her drink. And he could hardly stand to see he put on lipstick on those thick luscious lips. He sure had an itching to meet her, but he would have to continue his set. As he continued singing he tried to get her to notice him, by singing ones like Devil with the Blue Dress on, and In The Still Of the Night. But she hardly noticed.

His heart sank a moment when he saw a man come in and join them, until he recognized him. It was an old buddy from way back Gary Harden. He knew he would definitely have to go over to them now. Taking his break he went straight to their table. He hit Gary on the back and sat beside him asking. "So how does someone like you get two pretty girlfriends tonight?"

Gary laughed and said "Hey buddy, glad to see you again. This one don't you remember, my wife, Jean Marie? Honey remember Parker Johnson? Man I didn't know you were back in town, you should have called me."

"I haven't had time really Big Guy, How are you anyway."

"Just great, better now that you're back. We need to get together soon." Pointing to Karolina he said." This is our single, friend Karolina with a K Myers. Karolina meet the best friend a guy could ever ask for." As he shook her hand he held it a little longer than necessary. They both said "Nice to meet you," at once.

Gary ordered a beer and said "So are you back for good buddy?"

"Guess so, I'll come over so we can catch up maybe play some poker."

"That would be great!" Gary answered. Parker turned and asked Karolina, "So where have you been hiding?" She smiled and turned away as she said. "I just moved here five months ago. I work with Jean Marie at Rose's Diner."

"Oh really? I need to get back to work see you guys later." And he went back on stage.

After he left Jean Marie whispered. "He's good looking right?"

"MMM yes." She agreed sipping her drink, as Jean Marie continued, "He's really nice, and sings good. And been a good friend to Gary, until he left town some time ago."

"I know what you're doing so forget it." Karolina said, but she had taken more notice of him. He seemed to be singing and looking directly to her. He sung songs like Walk Through This World with Me. He thought maybe he had offended her when he saw her get up to leave. Actually she had just got up to go the restroom.

It was almost midnight, they had discussed going home, when someone asked her to dance. The band was playing Help Me Make It Through the Night. The one asking her to dance was Parker, and she hesitated to the slow song. Encouraged by Jean Marie and Gary and Parker who was pulling her to weather. Everyone was talking about the snow, but the streets were clearing. Taking her order book to table five she was ready for the order given as, "Double burger, large fries and another dance please, and coffee." She saw Parker Johnson as she looked over her order book into his smiling face. When she returned with his order he was disappointed that she was too busy to join him.

Parker ate and kept noticing her. She noticed him watching her as she took another order or poured more coffee. She would catch him staring at her and she would look away, but smiling first. He was trying to figure out why such a nice classy looking girl would be working here. She carried herself with class. But then again when he had asked Gary a long time ago why he let Jean Marie work there, Gary had said. "It may not be high class, but the people are good honest hard workers, and make us feel like family. Jean doesn't have to work, she does it because she likes it there. Parker had to leave without finding out more about Karolina with a K Myers, and he left a tip behind.

The snow didn't last long as it soon melted away. Jean Marie said it was typical of Chicago. Gary returned before their shift was over, to take them home. He mentioned wanting to go out again, since he was off that night. Finally they talked Karolina into joining them. She said she would but first she would have to go home and change and feed Mr. Peabody. They agreed to pick her up at eight, as Jean Marie explained to Gary. "Mr. Peabody is her roommate, a Persian tom cat.

After their shift ended they ate there. Gary had already lined up a sitter for Ida Marie. Karolina mentioned, "So let me guess. You want to go hear your buddy sing right?"

"I sure would, do you object?"

"No, of course not He is good. So you've known him since High School right?"

"Yea we lost touch for awhile when he moved away. As a matter of fact I haven't seen him in about four years, until last night. It sure was good to see him again."

"Married?"

"Was. He told me today his wife Cara died two years ago. That's why he came home. She dragged him off in the first place. He said she had cancer and died pretty quick."

"How sad."

"Well I think he kind of got struck on you."

"I hate that for him! It won't do him or you two any good, so forget it." She stared right through Jean Marie with that remark.

Jean Marie spoke up saying. "Well I hope you aren't waiting for Michael to come back."

"No I don't want him back, but neither do I want anyone, I can't."

"Playing hard to get will leave you knitting and watching soap operas, and lonely."

"You sound just like Aunt Liza now."

"We can still have a good time right?"

"Sure I may even have a few drinks, as long as I know you guys will take care of me."

"You know we will." Gary said, and for a moment she thought, maybe she could trust him in some ways. Maybe if she just told him, he could help her.

Along with that thought a chill crept up her back and she shivered. Remembering words from her mamma "Trust no one. The police have work for him too". So she kept that thought in the back of her mind along with many others. But still she felt they were different, they were like family. The kind of family she had dreamed about for many years. But then again the only family she had known, betrayed her in their own ways. They had hurt her in many ways whether physically or mentally. She couldn't trust anyone with her horrible secret. A secret that kept her awake many nights and made her sick to thinks about it. No one would believe her anyway, and it would have to remain a secret, it had to. No one especially her new friend would understand.

At Parker and some red headed girl were singing Let Me Be There. He was smiling at Karolina and when she crossed her legs and took off her heels, he missed a word of the song. He and the girl singer were the only ones to notice.

She had danced some more and when she was on her third drink the band took a break. Parker came straight to their table. After chatting awhile and the red head asked was he ready. He asked her to open up giving him twenty minutes more, adding he wasn't ready yet.

He asked Karolina to dance a fast song while Laura sang. He told her he was glad she came and asked if he could take her home. "Maybe we'll see I'm in Gary's hands." When the song ended he held her back while Laura sang Blue Suede Shoes. Feeling the effects of the music and booze, and the feel of him, she relaxed. They danced around dirty dancing style, a style someone had taught her and she had perfected a long time ago. She smiled as she remebered the young girl who laughed as she showed her the new style of dancing. She missed the children, but she wouldn't go back no matter how much she missed them.

She didn't know she could let herself go this much, and it felt good. Soon he returned to the stage, and seemed to be singing directly to her. It was eleven thirty and Gary said they should leave, the roads were getting covered. He brought their coats and she flipped her hair out of the cooler and put her shoes on and waved to Parker. He smiled back as they left and was singing Bye Bye Love.

The roads were getting slick and it took them awhile to get there. The cold air kind of sobered her up and Gary saw her to her door, where she told him goodnight, promising to call them tomorrow. She made her way to bed dressed in a flannel nightshirt and snuggled into bed with Mr. Peabody.

It was 3 a.m. When the phone woke her as usual, she answered they hung up. Finally after six times she unplugged the phone in the living room and thought she and Mr. Peabody should just leave. She did manage to get some sleep after that. Although she was awakened many times from the continuous nightmare, she had night after night. The same one she memorized and acted out in her waking hours. It was the same one that made her look over her shoulder, or around a corner. One where she was constantly running from someone.

At noon she was up and had made her last pot of coffee. She stood looking out the window, to the snow covered streets with little traffic on them below. She was piecing together her feelings from the night before. It was very unlike her to be comfortable with anyone, especially a man. She told herself, who was she kidding, she could never be happy with anyone, anywhere she went.

But this place had drawn her from the moment she stepped off the bus. Chicago, a place she had never heard of, so why did it draw her to it? At least she could stay in one place while. It had been months since she had been here and no one had bothered her, except for these dam calls. Once she had thought it could be Michael, but she eliminated him. She hears of people talking about getting wrong numbers all the time. But why did she have to get so many?

She saw a movement from the curtains, in the apartment across the way from hers. It had been empty a long time, now apparently someone had finally moved in. She strained her eyes hoping to see a friendly face, but it was too far away. She missed Michael, although she wasn't close to him. He had been a friend, but she couldn't confide in him, or no one. She strained her eyes again and could see someone in the window now. She felt a cold chill come over her, Her hands shook and she dropped her cup breaking it and spilling the half of cup that was left.

She got a towel saying "Dam" to herself, and started picking up the pieces of her only cup left She loved that cup. Michael bought it for her, after she broke all her others. She was wipin washed it off saying it wasn't bad and left to get a band aid from the bathroom. Parker was staring at her while he sipped his coffee.

Jean Marie bandaged her cut and asked "You've been crying what's wrong?"

"Nothing! What are you two doing out on a day like this?" Parker was holding up the phone cord as he said "Here's one reason you couldn't get her."

"Oh yea I forgot I unplugged it. I'm sorry you came this far."

"Still getting the calls I see?" Jean Marie asked. Parker looked at Karolina asking "What calls is that?" As he put the cord back on the phone, Jean Marie and her sat down. She answered "It's nothing! So what brings you out?"

They all three had sat down and Parker kept looking around the place thinking. It wasn't a very nice apartment, but fixed up really nice for a waitress salary. Jean Marie was saying how Gary had been called into work, and Parker had been over early. "He offered to take me to the store. When I couldn't get you to see if you needed anything, he offered to bring me here to check on you. Where's Mr. Peabody?"

"In bed he is being stubborn today. I am low on food and did just use my last coffee."

Parker spoke up saying "Well if the mister doesn't mind you can go with us. You shouldn't be driving, and I'm not doing anything else today." Jean Marie noticed he looked a little down hearted and she smiled saying "Come on out Mr. Peabody and see me." Through the open bedroom door bounced in the white Persian, and up into Jean Marie's lap. She stroked him asking "Miss me?" Karolina excused herself and went to take a quick shower and dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt.

She took a quick inventory of her pantry making a list, then put on some lipstick. She noticed Parker staring at her this time. She smiled and pocketed the lipstick, checked her purse and checkbook and said "Let's go." Getting into the truck Jean Marie made sure she had to sit next to Parker. She asked to be taken home first since Ida Marie was with a neighbor.

At the store she picked up a set of cups to replace the broken ones. She was overlooking breakfast burritos and Parker mentioned he made some from scratch with diced potatoes bacon, eggs and cheese. When she agreed they sounded good, he added he would be glad to show her how someday. She shook that thought off as a pass as she continued on as he pushed the cart for her. She thought he looked much more casual in his faded jeans than he had looked at the bar. And she did think he was very good looking casual or not.

They did take Jean Marie home first and helped her with her groceries. Karolina admired her house it was the first time she had been there. They left to take her things home promising to return soon since Jean Marie wanted them to return for dinner. They fed the cat and put things away, and returned back to Jean Marie's and helped prepare dinner before Gary got in.

After dinner and making coffee with Jean Marie she did admit she liked Parker. She said she found him very attractive, and polite, but she wasn't ready for anything but friendship. Jean Marie added "Whatever has put you into recluse can't be all Michael, what gives with you?"

"Nothing would you just quit trying to play matchmaker and let me live my life my way. I can manage quiet well thank you."

"Well, Excuse me!" But both women were smiling.

With the weather getting worse, she asked to be taken home. Gary asked them to call when they got there. The roads were quiet slippery even in the four wheel drive truck. They were quiet so he could concentrate on the road. About ten miles from their house just on the outskirts of town something happened.

They weren't going very fast, but someone turned off in front of them without giving a signal. To keep from hitting the brakes and running into truck, he saw the front fender was mashed into the wheel. "Not to bad, but I'll have to walk somewhere for some help and a tow truck. You wait in the truck out of the cold." Hastily she answered.

"No!" There was desperation in her voice as she said "No don't leave me out here alone. I can walk with you."

"Are you sure, it may be a long one?"

"I'd rather be walking that stuck here alone. Please don't leave me here." He pulled her coat collar around her neck and zipped his up further and took her hand as they started walking, and she kept looking back.

They didn't have to walk too far to a garage. With his insistence she stayed there drinking coffee and staying warm while Parker was gone. She called Jean Marie and told them what happened assuring them they were fine. Gary offered to come and get them. She told him she didn't think it was necessary, but would call if they needed him too.

The other attendant kept looking at her and asking a lot of questions, like where she was from, where she lived. And she didn't like the way he kept looking at her. When the tow truck arrived she was waiting outside in the cold. Parker jumped out telling her to get back inside the warm station. But he could see the peculiar look on her face, the kind of scared one, and asked "What's wrong?"

"I don't like it in there. He keeps asking me a lot of questions and looking at me. Don't leave me here again, I don't like him."

He took her hand leading her inside saying "I know Jim, he's just friendly that way, and making conversation. It shouldn't take long and I'll get you home, Relax, it's OK." But she stayed right beside him and the mechanic worked to get the fender pulled out where he could drive home. Parker noticed her still staying close and looking into the area where Jim was. He brushed her hair back and smiled at her, to let her know everything was allright.

It was two a.m. When he got her home. The roads were still bad as careful as he was. As she unlocked the door the phone was ringing. She shook off her coat with his help, answering it. It was Gary checking to see they made it. He said the restaurant would be closed so she wouldn't have to work. He also told her to relay some road closings to Parker, so he could take another route home.

When she told him she asked how far she lived from there. "On the other side of town. I can make it if no one decides to make sudden turns. I would like to call you tomorrow."

"Sure, call me when you get home. But why don't you sleep here on the couch? It is pretty comfy."

"I couldn't impose."

"Nonsense what are friends for, if they can't offer a couch?"

"If you insist, I am really tired to fight the roads again."

"Then I insist."

She got a couple of blankets and a pillow as Mr. Peabody came to investigate. She told him to make himself at home and to wake her if he got up first, then said goodnight. Preparing for bed locking her door she questioned herself for putting herself in such a predicament, she would never had done this before. As usual she was awakened by the phone and unplugged it, not knowing why she still felt comfortable.

Even when she woke herself up screaming from the nightmare, and heard Parker pounding on the door asking was she allright, she still felt OK. She answered "I'm fine go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"I'm fine really."

"If you want to talk I'm here." He said through the door.

"Thanks but get some asleep." He laid back down wondering what she could have a nightmare about. There was real terror in her voice.

When she woke at ten to some noises in the other room she remembered she didn't have to work, and that s she jerked her hand away she noticed it was shaking as she said. "It was just about the wreck. Everyone has nightmares sometimes."

"Well I'm sorry about the wreck."

"I'm just glad neither of us were hurt."

"So am I, are you afraid of me?"

"Of course not, if I was you wouldn't be here now."

"Good, don't be either. I just thought you seemed to be afraid of a lot of men. Such as the ones at the bar and there was Jim."

"It's nothing I just keep my guard up. Isn't that best?"

"If that's what you want then it's fine. I'm just offering to help because I'm concerned about you."

"I know that, but I can take care of myself. But I think you are just like Jean Marie and Gary. So tell me are you a Elvis wanna be?" He kind of blushed and that surprised her for a man to blush about anything, and he answered. "No I just enjoy singing for a past time. It's just until I get my head together and decide what to do with my life."

"Your wife was she pretty?" He looked out the window deep in thought and she apologized. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked."

"It's OK, yes she was very pretty. We were high school sweethearts. She landed a good job in New York and we moved there. Soon after she got sick, and there was nothing we could do to help her."

Getting up and getting them more coffee she said "I didn't mean to pry."

"You're not. I just haven't talked about it. We saw lots of doctors but they all said the same thing. She lived about a year after we found out. I stayed there for awhile, but I couldn't handle it without her. So I came back home, and I'm living off insurance money and singing."

After she done the dishes she joined him while he watched the news. There was lots of news about the weather but one story disturbed her. Some young girl had been found last night she had committed suicide with an overdose. She asked what made people desperate enough to kill themselves. He explained there were lots of reasons from loneliness to sickness and getting out of bad situations. "I don't think I could have the nerve to kill myself, even though I've thought about it."

"I should hope not! Some people are just afraid to ask for help I guess, some people think there is none. Sometimes they may be so drugged out there is no help anyway. I would think you would have a lot to live for."

"I'm just curious. I'll make that call now."

She called the phone company and had the number changed. They told her depending upon the weather it should be changed by the late afternoon. He told her he should be getting home. "Hopefully you can sleep tonight." She thanked him for fixing breakfast and he said. "You shouldn't have to go out for anything right?"

"Not until I go back to work. Thanks a lot."

"Can I call you?" She wrote her new number down and handed it to him saying. "Drive careful."

"If you need anything call me I'll get it for you, before you go out, my number is on the fridge."

"Thanks again."

"Thank you for the use of the couch."

Mr. Peabody was wrapping himself around his legs and he reached down to pet him a good-bye. As he opened the door he waited and then turned and smiled at her. Then he kissed her a quick shy kiss. Then he put both hands on her cheeks lifted her head and kissed her fully with parted lips. At first she kissed him back, enjoying the kiss. Then when she realized what she was doing, she pushed him away and said "No!" He turned back through the doorway mumbling "I'm sorry."

He closed the door behind him, she picked up Mr. Peabody, and hugged the cat crying into it. Sinking down on the couch she said. "I'm the one who is sorry." Parker had sick, she tried to hold it back. But she still had to run to the bathroom and vomit.

The rest of the day she done laundry and cleaned her apartment. The fact was it was always clean. But it would never be clean enough for her. And she had to stay busy, too busy to have time to think about anything, or have time to remember. She called Jean Marie and give her the new number. She was thankful her friend had finally changed the number. "Now maybe you can get some rest for a change." Naturally she asked how things went with Parker. But Karolina said she had laundry to get to and avoided her, and they hung up.

Two days later they returned to work. She had talked lengthy with Parker every night and enjoyed having his friendship. The roads were clear and she had driven to work. Jean Marie was excited and wanted to hear more about the night Parker stayed over. Karolina was filling salt and pepper shakers. Jean Marie was filling sugar containers. She explained. "Now get your mind out of the gutter. He was a perfect gentleman, too perfect. I slept in my bed, he slept on the couch. The next morning he made breakfast and we talked. He encouraged me to change my number. When I did he left."

"What else?"

"I've talked to him. Look I told you I'm not looking for a relationship."

"So who says there has to be one?"

That afternoon Tony, Ida Marie's friend came in all downhearted. She tousled his hair asking "Why so sad sweetie?"

"The movie I'm dying to see, Jurassic park closes today. Everyone has seen it, but me. My Grammy was going to take me, but she's sick today. And she or my dad won't let me go alone. I gotta see it I really do." Karolina smiled at him saying. "Well I did promise you a date soon, How about we go? We can take Ida Marie along for a chaperone. I haven't seen it either and I would hate to miss it too. You go ask your Grammy and pick me up back here."

After he flew out the door in a rush Jean Marie asked, "Do you think they'll really let him go? We don't even know who he belongs to."

"Oh well if he doesn't come back, then I will be just stood up right?" She asked. Jean Marie arranged for someone to bring Ida Marie down, and said she would join them. They changed into their jeans in the restroom and hung up their uniforms.

Her date was sitting at the bar eating fries and she asked was he ready. "As soon as I finish these. The movie starts at 3:45 we have time." So she and Jean Marie got coffee and waited in the back for him to finish and Ida Marie.

Someone had walked in calling out for "Tony!" Tony looked up and yelled "Daddy! I finally have a date." As he hugged the man who had his back to them. Then he turned and said "So I hear." They saw the man was none other than Parker. Karolina gave a funny look at Jean Marie and Parker was looking around the room asking "So who here is stealing my little boy's heart?"

Karolina looked him straight in the eye and said. "I guess I am." Parker grinned and said.

"OK son, but you need some money to show a pretty lady like this a good time." He gave him some money and said "Have a good time you two." Then Tony grabbed his daddy's hand and asked. "Daddy can you come too?" Kneeling to look into his boy's face he said. "Well you don't want me hanging around with you on a date now do you?"

"Sure, and you did promise to take me someday, please daddy?"

"I know I promised and you could use a driver. How about you Karolina is it OK?" She smiled that sweet smile saying. "Sure we could use another chaperone, and here comes your date now," as Ida Marie came in.

Jean Marie said she would go on home and for them to have a good time. And just like a regular couple Tony and Karolina paired off in the back of her car, Parker and Ida Marie up front. They bou Karolina with a K?"

"I was born in North Carolina, mom loved the state. She wanted to have something to remember the good times by so she named me after it. We moved away, and now it's just me."

"Where's your folks now."

"Dead. Killed somewhere out west in a car wreck, five years ago. They and my sister were on their way back to North Carolina where I lived with my aunt. That's one of the reasons I left. I couldn't stay there knowing they died coming back."

"I'm sorry."

"Well it took a long time to get over it, and start over."

She continued looking at his hands. "I see you are still wearing your wedding ring." Parker looked at his hand and twisted the ring around saying. "Well it's part of my life, I hate to let go of because of Tony. He's the only thing I have left of it besides this ring. And I haven't exactly had a reason to take it off, for anyone." But he twisted it now around on his finger.

"Good looking guy like you, and a great singer. What do you do fight them off with a baseball bat?"

He blushed again, she never knew men would blush. He said "Not exactly. I just keep busy and don't think much about dating."

"Neither do I?"

"Is kind of sad isn't it?" She nodded her yes saying.

"Sometimes especially with very few friends. I just have a Jean Marie and Gary and the kids, and of course Charles and Mr. Wells." He took her hand in his and said. "I'd like to change that if I could." Not answering that she said.

"Well they take care of me."

"Gary is a good man and a great friend."

The kids came over and interrupting them, they found it hard to believe they were tired and ready to go home. They took Ida Marie home and went back to the restaurant for his truck. Karolina asked if they wanted to come over for awhile. Parker asked "How about it little guy?"

"OK daddy" and they followed her home. Tony fell asleep before she even got coffee made. "I'll take him to my bed and cover him up, unless you want to leave."

"I's like to stay, I like your company."

When she returned to the living room he had poured coffee for them and was on the couch, watching TV. When she joined him he asked if they could do this again. "Maybe if Tony wants too."

"How about going out with just me?"

"Maybe we'll see when you ask." Slipping his arm around her shoulders he said. "I want to apologize for the other night, I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm a big girl, don't worry about it."

"Well I shouldn't have let my mind override my morals. I shouldn't have done it.

"It's OK really."

"Well I'm sorry I usually don't do things like that."

"So tell me about the girl Laura, known her long?"

"No she's good, her husband manages the band and introduced her into it."

"Really she is good, together with you."

"Well we play tomorrow and Sat. Why don't you come with me and afterwards we can go out to eat?"

"I shouldn't I have to work later and will need to get home." He got up to leave saying he should get Tony home to bed, and thanked her for the coffee and was gone.

That night she had another dream, one she had a long time ago. When she woke she got up pacing the floor, piecing it together. She had it those times she cried herself to sleep, begging her knight in shining armor to come and save her and take her away. He did come to her, only in her dreams, many times over when she needed him.

This one was slightly different than the others, she could see him plainer. He kind of looked like Parker, but she thought s everyone was anxious to hear about her date. She insisted there wasn't much to it and they dropped it. Parker called her to see if she had changed her mind and could come but she said no, she had things to do.

Three lonely weeks had passed since she had been anywhere but to work and the grocery. The weather wasn't bad, just cold. She guessed Parker had finally given up, he hadn't called for awhile. And she was able to sleep without the phone waking her. But she was still restless and tossing and turning in her sleep. Even though she tried not to think about Parker and wanting to see him, she couldn't get him off her mind.

That Saturday she had showered and was doing her nails, when Jean Marie called to asked her to go out again. She agreed and put on a silky blue dress, blue heels and red jewelry, and got her black coat. When they picked her up they said they were going out to eat. It was cold but not snowing at least.

Over dinner Gary asked. "So are you waiting for Michael to come back?

"Of course not why?"

"Just wondering. Parker came to see me today he was asking why you were so withdrawn. I must admit I wonder why myself why you are."

"I don't have much faith in men these days. I'm just keeping my guard up."

"A few bad apples don't spoil the whole bunch you know."

"So I've heard, I'm just not ready yet." And it was dropped through the rest of the meal.

At the club Parker was singing I'm so lonesome I could Cry. When he spotted her he smiled and she waved at him. Several asked her to dance but she only danced to the fast ones.

When she had finished one dance she was refreshing her lipstick. A hand stopped her before she finished her bottom lip. She looked up to see Parker as he said. "I wish you wouldn't do that." Shaking off his hand she asked "Why?"

"It drives me crazy, all I want to do is kiss you when I see you doing it." She blushed and scooted over in the bench and said. "Parker!"

"I mean it/ I wanted to kiss you the first night I saw you. Look whoever hurt you, and has you scared of men, don't think all men are like that. I never thought I could love anyone but Cara, even after all this time. But I can't get you off my mind. I haven't wanted to date anyone before. Frankly it scares the hell out of me. But I only ask you not to shut me out of your life. Not yet anyway."

"I haven't intended to, but it won't work anyway."

"We don't know that, not yet anyway. Is that why you haven't called me?"

"No I just don't call guys."

"OK I'll accept that, so I'll call. Lets dance."

She hesitated because it was a slow song. But then she let him pull her to the floor and into his arms. While they danced to the music she realized it felt good again. She wasn't afraid of this or him. He whispered "I missed you." Her arms tightened around his neck and he kissed her cheek and he felt her sigh. The song soon ended and he walked her back to the table and returned to the stage.

She danced some more with one guy who had danced with her before. But he held her back on the next slow song. She tried but it wasn't the same. She pulled away and started to walk off. But he jerked her back slurring. "Ain't I good enough for you, I've been watching you dance."

He still held her as she strained from his hands saying "Let me go." He still held her and pulled her, she managed to free one hand and slapped him hard.

Parker quit singing in the middle of the song as she walked away, as this guy grabbed her again. Gary was beside her then saying "Let the lady go." He looked like he wanted to slug Gary, until he flashed his badge, and the guy walked away. Gary led Karolina back to the table just as Parker came over to drove her home. He unlocked her door and she said "Thanks see you." She tiptoed up to kiss his cheek, he turned his head just in time to meet her soft lips. He kissed her with small like kisses at first. When she leaned into him he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately. Then just like before she tensed up and pushed him away, and went in the door shutting it behind her.

He stood outside the closed door, scratching his head in wonder. He started to walk away when he heard her call out to Mr. Peabody, and then heard her crying. Just as he thought, he tried the door and found it unlocked, and walked in unnoticed. He shut the door and walked over to the couch where she was holding the cat and crying into it's fur.

He touched her shoulder causing her to jump and the cat jump away. He asked, Want to tell me about it?" She pulled herself together drying her eyes on a tissue and said. "I can't tell anyone." Taking a seat beside her he said.

"It can't be all that bad now."

"It is believe me it is."

"I'm listening."

"Please don't ask. I guess I'm just upset over that creep."

He lifted her head brushing away a stray tear and said.

"It wasn't my kissing you that upset you?"

"Not really. I shouldn't ask but. Forget it.

"You can ask me anything, what is it?"

"Would you just hold me please?" He pulled her into his arms and held her rubbing her back as she cried, soaking his shirt. Finally he said. "I'll be here whenever you're ready, as long as it takes. I guess everyone has secrets. Just don't shut me out completely. We don't have to be more than friends if you want. We're like two people lost at sea you and I."

"You have your mother and son."

"And you have Jean Marie and Gary and me, if you'll let me help."

Several hours later he covered her up with a quilt while she slept there on the couch and slipped out locking the door behind him. But she wasn't really sleeping restful. She was dreaming about that man again. He was chasing her and knocking her down. He tied her up and slapped her around. All the time he pinched and poked her and tortured her most intimate parts. It was the same dream she had over and over. Finally exhausted even in her sleep her hero came and took her away.

Tears of Love - Chapter Two

by: LinnBelle

A Lesson to learn about Love

She continued working and keeping busy. She commented on not seeing Parker and Tony around. Jean Marie told her he took Tony to visit Cara's parents and her grave. That Sunday, would be the day of her death. "He did ask that I tell you for him, since you didn't seem to want him to bother you. And wanted me to ask if he could call you when he returned."

"I don't think it would be such a good idea." She answered a little downhearted. "I'm thinking of moving on anyway."

"Oh why is that?" Jean Marie asked in her motherly way.

"It's just too many memories come back to haunt me wherever I go."

"Then maybe it's time you made some new ones. And Parker would be a great start. Don't run from something you can't help. The best way to solve a problem is to talk about it."

"I can't it's too painful." She said walking away, but Jean Marie followed her.

"Maybe it wouldn't be if you talked to someone. I thought we were friends? I'm a great listener. I have secrets too, but I share my problems with Gary and usually feel better."

"You are my friend and I value that. I'm just not ready to talk about it and never will be."

"Well I hope you don't let bad memories stand in your way of being happy?" Jean Marie asked.

"I don't think I can be happy anywhere or with anyone." Karolina answered. Jean Marie looked into her friends sad eyes and said. "Don't say that. Gary knows a good counselor at the station, why don't you talk to her?"

"Maybe when I feel like it, and I can't handle it anymore."

"Well please don't leave town, you are my best friend. As a matter of fact I may have a good wanted to see her. So was asking that she call him. Adding "You know what Orange blossoms mean don't you?"

"No what?"

"They mean he wants to spend the rest of his life with you." Karolina laughed and then asked "Where do you come up with such things?"

"I read it in a book about flowers. Different ones have different meanings. Just call him and thank him for the flowers. God I'm not asking you to marry him."

"Maybe I will see you at work."

"Call the man Karolina." And they said their good-byes and hung up.

Then next morning she asked her had she called, of course the answer was no. That day things were really slow and they were talking over coffee. Karolina had been listening to Jean Marie go on and on about her perfect marriage, and how much she was in love. Karolina asked

"So if you're the expert, tell me what love is."

"What? How old did you say you were?"

"Twenty five. I mean what your opinion is of love."

Jean Marie smiled sweetly and began when she had met Gary. She knew right away he was the man for her. "He was so cute and strong, and sweet. After months of holding hands he asked if he could kiss me. Most men just do it without asking. I thought that him asking was so sweet of him. That kiss warmed me all over, I saw stars, and heard music when there was none. I knew from that kiss I wanted to be with him forever."

She fixed them some more coffee and said, "You can't go by me, everyone has different feelings and their own ideas." Charles the chef spoke up saying.

"I remember when I first met Janie, I knew she would be mine." Jean Marie said.

"So tell us a man's view of love.

"She had made us dinner, and she burnt everything. The bread, the pot roast all was ruined. She cried forever until I insisted it wasn't bad. I over looked the burned and told her it was the best I had ever eaten. The dog wouldn't even eat the leftovers. I wanted to please her so much and not see her cry, I would have done anything for her. Today when she burns the bread I can still smile and eat it."

Jean Marie said "He even has a plaque hanging over the table that says, Lord bless these Burnt Offerings Again. That's why he became a chef." They had a few customers to take care of but later when they had time she asked. "So how does one know for sure if everyone has different feelings?"

Dear Old Mr. Wells who was a faithful customer who came in every day at the same time. He always sat at the same stool and ordered the plate lunch, spoke up. "You'll know in your heart. In fact everyone someday falls in love sometimes, twice if it's really love and not just companionship. Give me my usual please." They fixed him the usual plate lunch special and iced tea, in between bites he continued.

"When I met Frances it took me months to convince her she would have to spend her life with me. Every chance I had I wanted to be with her , even when I couldn't. I ached to be with her. Finally giving in to me we married. The only thing I regret is not asking her sooner, and not having children. She was the best you know. I know I'll be with her again, soon. And I can't wait to hold her again ." He wiped a tear from his eyes and finished eating.

Jean Marie whispered, "She died a year ago tomorrow. He comes here every night for his supper. It was her favorite place to eat. She always had the plate special and iced tea. He told Charles he used to hate iced tea, but he drinks it every day." Mr. Wells added as he pushed his plate away. "She couldn't cook either.

Karolina excused herself and went to the bathroom and had a good cry. She knew she could never love anyone or be good enough for anyone to love her. She pulled herself together and returned to her especially Parker."

"Well it's none of that." She said not looking at her.

"If you say so, here's your relief go change."

She changed her clothes, her shift was over and she would go home to that lonely apartment and to Mr. Peabody. Getting her purse and dirty uniforms she told Jean Marie and Charles goodnight and started out the door. She heard someone say "Don't leave Karolina." She felt arms around her legs and turned to see Tony. "Hi Buddy where have you been?"

"Vacationing, don't go yet."

"Well OK what would you like to do?"

"Eat dinner with me." She took his hand and said.

"OK let's get a table.

He led her to the back to a booth and she nearly turned around when she saw Parker who rose to greet her saying. "Well hello I didn't see you when we came in."

"I was changing I guess. Tony wants me to join you two." He swooped his arm letting her into the opposite side of the booth and sat down beside her. Jean Marie took their order and had a smile a mile long.

After they got their order and was eating she noticed him staring at her. She also noticed his hands were bare, the wedding ring gone. Wiping her mouth she said. "Thanks for the flowers they are so pretty."

"Pretty flowers for a pretty lady right daddy?" Tony chimed in. "Right on son. We had a nice visit back home. Tony got spoiled rotten by both grandmothers. So what have you been up to?"

"Just working and taking care of Mr. Peabody.'

"Who's Mr. Peabody?" Tony asked.

"You didn't get to see him did you son, you slept the whole time we were there." Karolina added.

"He's a big fat spoiled rotten cat and he drives me crazy sometimes."

"I want to see him, can I daddy? Grammy won't let me have a cat."

"Because she is allergic to them son."

Karolina continued, "Well Mr. Peabody is my best friend besides you guys and Jean Marie and Gary. He doesn't like a lot of people, but I'm sure he will like you. Maybe your dad will let you come home with me someday." Looking for an answer from his dad he said "Can I daddy please?" Karolina looked at Parker and smiled and said. "You can come too. Why don't we rent some movies and buy some popcorn and make it tonight, I'm off tomorrow?" Karolina reached for her napkin and Parker covered her hand with his and squeezed it and she smiled up at him. He said, "Finish your dinner both of you."

She told them to go pick out the movies and meet her at her apartment and left to hurry home, She quickly picked up a few out of place things and threw her uniforms into the washer. She was looking out the window in that apartment. She saw a curtain move as if someone was watching her too. She felt a cold chill up her spine and shivered. She also rubbed the ache in her side.

When she heard the knock on the door that startled her momentarily, then she opened it to find Tony and Parker loaded with packages. "Come on in what in the world did you two get?" She asked taking them out of the bags and putting them on the counter. "My son wanted every snack item he saw, cookies chips, popcorn and pop. We didn't know what you liked either so we got plenty." Tony brought the movies out and said "We got Batman and daddy wanted to see Sommersby it looks yucky." Karolina ruffled his hair and said "Well we'll just watch Batman first OK daddy?"

"Batman it is." And he loaded the VCR while she opened the snacks and put them on the coffee table and got cold drinks.

Tony scooted over putting her between them, and Mr. Peabody took right up with Tony curling up in his lap. They ate cookies and popcorn and Parker slipped his arm around her shoulders and she let him. Halfway through it he pulled her around her waist, he caught her off guard and startled her a little, he asked. "Do you know them?"

"Know it's been empty a long time. I just saw someone there yesterday. I guess they finally rented it. She was shivering again, he wanted to hold her and kiss her but he saw a scared look in her eyes, and he thought he had better not. "I hope you aren't getting sick."

"I hope so too, there is a virus going around."

They watched the rest of the movie in silence, she stayed wrapped up in the quilt under the warmth of his arms. When it was over and rewinding he said. "I like being with you and Tony sure does. And I know something is bothering you. I want you to know I'll help all I can."

"There's nothing you or anyone can do, it's within me. But thanks anyway. I like being with you too. It's been different than when I was with Michael, he scared me most of the time. He was as big as you, but there was something about him, I didn't trust. I couldn't be comfortable with him."

"But you are with me?" He asked.

She blushed and said "Sometimes I am.

"Did he hurt you, if he did I'll. "She stopped him from continuing. "No it's not that, just drop it please."

"OK I should get Tony home into bed call me if you need anything please?"

"I will I promise, thanks for the movie."

"Let's do it again soon?" She nodded an agreement. He reached out to kiss her but she turned away. He scratched his head and went to get Tony. As he left he told her to lock up after him, and he left.

That night she had that dream again. Exhausted she got out of bed and washed her face and stared at it in the mirror. Brushing her hair she noticed a lot of brown showing through it. She reached into the sink cabinet and pulled out a box of hair dye and done her hair. At five she finished it and was drinking coffee staring out the window again.

The phone jarred her silence and she jumped spilling her coffee and breaking another cup. She answered it and heard a familiar voice say "Hello Susan." She slammed down the phone and yanked the cord out of the wall. She curled up with Mr. Peabody crying and silently saying "Not again, not again." And cried herself to sleep.

When she woke up she had chills and a fever and soon was vomiting for days. All she could do was stay in bed or on the couch, when she wasn't running to the bathroom. She drifted off in between fretful sleeps. She was too sick and didn't want to bother anyone for help. Besides she was use to being alone.

The third day she managed to find a cup of soup and keep it down, Late that evening she felt a little better. There was a urgent knock on the door. Ignoring it until she heard Gary call out to her she opened it. He looked around the room and coming inside he said "You're a mess."

"Gee thanks Gary, I've been sick, but I'm better now."

Looking around the room he found the phone cord pulled out of the jack. He said "Jean and Parker have tried to reach you for days I can see why they couldn't." He fixed the phone and picked up some of the mess and asked. "Can I call Parker for you?"

"No I look like hell, I don't want him to see me now. He looked in her pantry and said. "At least let me get you some things. You know she would never forgive me if I didn't.

" She made a list of things she needed and wanted. While he was gone she done the dishes and picked up some of the trash. When he returned and put the things away he asked "Can I do anything else for you"

"You've done enough thanks." She gave him some money for the things he bought and she was staring out the window and she asked. "Can you find out who lives over there for me?"

"I guess so why?"

"Just curiou lots of people dye their hair and like nice things. That doesn't make her a criminal. Or hiding something."

"Maybe not dear, but our friend is hiding something or from someone. Why does she keep her phone unplugged all the time?'

"Hang-ups constantly she says, she gets tired of it I guess."

"Well as a friend and then a cop, I need answers. I'm going to see Parker and see what he knows."

"Nothing I can tell you that."

Gary left to go find Parker and later that night Jean Marie called to see how she was and when she would return to work. She assured her she would as soon as she regained her strength. The phone rang twice later after she had showered and put on a clean nightgown and robe, and she felt better. Only one of the calls did someone say anything and that was "Hello Susan, long time no see." She slammed the phone down and started shaking.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, she ignored it. Then the knob turned and then a knock again. She looked around for another way out but there was none and she was getting scared. Then she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

She ran and opened the door to find Parker leaning against the wall. He was grinning at her but that soon disappeared when he saw the look on her face. He pushed through and shut the door asking "What's wrong?"

"Nothing I was just surprised to see you." She said not looking him in the eye. "Gary found me at the gym and told me you were sick. Why didn't you call me?"

"There was no nothing you could do for me. And you didn't need to get sick from me, I feel much better."

He was looking around the room and he noticed she was trembling as she poured them both coffee. He took her hand and then pulled her into his arms and held her. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. She loved the feel in his strong arms, where she felt safe. She couldn't understand but there was something about him that made her feel protected there. And she felt like nothing would hurt her while she was there.

He felt she had stopped trembling and he kissed the top of her head and led her to the couch and got their coffee. She didn't say anything for a minute and sipped her coffee. Setting the cup down she brushed her hair back saying "I must be a mess. I'm weak from being sick and haven't done my hair."

"I think you look just fine, but I am worried about you."

"There's no need to be, I feel much better." She answered still not looking at him. He asked "Can I fix you something to eat?"

"No I'm not hungry are you?"

"No I ate before i came over, so you had a virus?"

"I guess so"

"Maybe you should go to a doctor."

"No I don't need a doctor "

She had said that a little hasty and she went to the kitchen for more coffee. She was pouring two more coffee when the phone rang. She dropped her cup in the sink, breaking it, and staring at the ringing phone. Parker was taking it all in the way she looked, and the panic that rose in her face. The third ring he answered it. It was jean Marie checking on her again. She was relieved to hear her voice when Parker handed her the phone.

Parker was looking at the locks on the door and said they looked like good locks. Taking his seat beside her on the couch again he slipped his arms around her and she rested her head against his shoulder and he asked. "So you're getting the calls again. Do they say anything or just hang up?"

"Both"

"Gary could put a trace on the line,"

"I'm sure it's nothing."

He kissed her shaky hand and said, "Honey I think there's more to it. If someone is making threats to you, there's laws t news?"

He settled back to watch it with her slipping his arm around her again. Before it was over she had fell asleep. He picked her up and carried her to her bed. She moaned and said "Mr. Peabody you're back." Mr. Peabody had already jumped up beside her. He covered her up and kissed her head. He stood watching her a few minutes and went back to the living room. There he turned off the TV and lights and locked the door behind him as he left.

Something woke her it was three a.m. She sat up in bed listening for the noise again. She was sure she wasn't dreaming this time. Mr. Peabody's hair was standing on end. She called out to Parker and didn't get an answer. Getting up and turning on lights she saw nothing was there and Parker was gone. She checked her locks on the door and windows and went back to her room and rummaged in the closet searching hastily.

She finally found what she was looking for, first was a book of brown leather jacket, with a lock on it. Her hands shook as she traced the gold letter one by one as they spelled out DIARY. Then she opened the shoe box. Inside she pulled out a piece of coiled rope, a bloody handkerchief. Under it laid the cold steel of a 45 revolver. She searched the box for bullets and loaded it and put it under her pillow.

In her purse she found a key and unlocked the diary. She wasn't sure she wanted to read it. But then she had some decisions to make so thought she should. She remembered the first one she had gotten lost or destroyed. She had started it at fourteen, but she remembered most of it by heart.

She remembered being poor when they moved from North Carolina to California in search of a better life. Her sister was eight then she was fifteen. Her mom and dad found work right away in the fields picking fruit, but they hated it. Her daddy vowed it wouldn't last forever. She and Carolyn had played in the truck making up games or playing with their only dolls.

Finally her daddy found a better job and quit the fields, her mom took a cleaning job. She never knew what her done for a living and she was too busy enjoying it to care. Her job was taking care of the house cooking and taking care of Carolyn. But she remembered her daddy was gone a lot and her mamma cried. But soon they had lots of money. Well it seemed like a lot for those who weren't use to having any. They were able to buy a new house and at Christmas time they had lots of food and gifts, toys and clothes. But her mama still cried a lot at night.

The new diary took up when she was sixteen an very pretty and too developed for her age, it started April 5 1965.

The Beginning of Tears

Just when I thought everything was going to be allright with us, my world fell apart. Since daddy was doing so well in his new job, we have nice clothes and enough food now. But tonight when mom told us to take our baths she came to me when Carolyn was in the tub.

She said there was a nice family who could take care of me. They would give me lots of pretty clothes, take me to parties and I could got to a nice school, maybe even college. Although I cried and told her I didn't want all that, she just told me to hush and be a big girl. She said soon I would be a woman and want fancy things. The kind of things only they could give me. She told me to be nice to them and do what they told me. She left me alone and crying, telling me it would do no good to cry and complain, it had to be.

April 6: I couldn't eat today. I was all dressed up in new clothes and ribbons were in my waist length hair. I still begged my daddy and mamma not to send me away. I told them whatever bad thing I had done I wouldn't do anymore. And pleaded with them to let me stay. Right after I got home from school I tried again and I threatened to run away tonight. Daddy just sent me to my room and threatened to whip me if I didn't stop nothing for me to do but read and look out the window, where I see lots of cars coming and going. I haven't seen anyone but the maid who brings me food. Thank goodness there are plenty of books to read. I wonder if they will ever let me out of here.

9: She brought me lunch and a clock, she told me I should bath and dress. Then come downstairs at 4 PM. For dinner and she left me again. I was real excited surely this meant mamma and daddy were going to be there. I looked at all the fancy dresses that hung in the closet and even there was fancy underwear in the drawers. I found a nice simple dress and some small heeled shoes. Actually I liked most of the clothes, but I hated being here.

At dinner I met two children Kacey a girl about five and Stacey a boy who was nine. The man who was in the car introduced himself as Jackson and everyone else even the maid or his wife as Hilda. He introduced me as Susie. I soon corrected him saying my name was Susan not Susie. But he still called me that. He said tomorrow I would start to teach the children their school lessons. When I asked about mamma and daddy. He said they were too far away to visit.

After dinner I got acquainted with the children who were really sweet and took to me right off. They hated to leave me when it was time for bed. Actually they were treating me fairly well, and I wasn't hungry. But I didn't like being locked up at night.

Karolina put the book away and fell asleep. She was awake and cleaning her apartment, it was about one in the afternoon, she planned to go to work the following day. She noticed something she hadn't seen before and walked over to the window sill. There laid a cigarette butt, she knew she didn't smoke neither did Parker. The window was closed tightly and she looked above the curtains for a hole it could have fallen through, there was none.

She was puzzled where it could have come from. She dropped it in the trash and had a flashback. She was seeing this tall dark man smoking a cigarette, his head turned and she saw it was Jackson. She gasped and felt the chill and was rubbing her arms to warm them, when there was a knock on the door.

The second knock she asked who was it. She heard the giggle and sweet voice of Tony who said "Let me in please." She threw open the door and let him and Parker in. Parker kissed her cheek and Tony hugged her as she said "Hi sweetie." Parker was taking things out of a bag and she asked "what's up?."

Parker had a box in his hand and was fooling with the phone saying. "An answering machine. I had an extra and thought it might help you. If you like we can put Tony on with a message or me and confuse whoever keeps calling you and hanging up."

"You do it wouldn't it be better with a man's voice on it?" He answered by putting a simple message on the machine.

Next he took out some tools and a dead bolt lock and proceeded to put on a new lock, while she got Tony something to drink. They talked and laughed while Parker worked on the door. She was relieved somewhat, but wished he wouldn't go to so much trouble. Tony went to play with Mr. Peabody and she said. "I wish you wouldn't go to so much trouble."

"It's nothing the Super said I could put on a hundred lock for you if I wanted to. I will take some coffee please."

' He finished the lock as she poured them a cup and he brought the new keys to her. She thanked him and handed him his cup. He sipped it and looked around to see Tony follow Mr. Peabody into her bedroom and said. "You look better today."

"I feel much better thank you." He tucked her chin, looking deep into those eyes wishing he could see what she saw. She smiled and turned her head. But he turned it back and kissed her lips softly whispering "You're beautiful."

She blushed and bent her head down, he lifted it again inching closer could stay there. Karolina answered "Of course you can if it's allright with your daddy, and we'll go shopping.""

"Please daddy?" He pleaded. Parker grinned and said.

"Are you sure you are up to it? He can be a handful."

"I'd love it, he can help me with my groceries."

"Later can we go out to eat?"

"Tell me when you'll be through and I'll cook for us all." He took her hand and said, "That's not necessary."

"I want to really." He kissed her hand and agreed.

"You've been off from work, do you need some money?"

"Of course not, I'm fine.'

Parker soon left and said he would be back around five. Karolina hurried and changed her clothes and was straightening her bed when Tony came in and tried to help. He was putting the cover under the pillow and touched the gun. "Wow you got one too? Daddy has one in drawer beside his bed." She pushed the pillow back down and finished that side of the bed. They left for the store and had a good time picking out dinner supplies and some junk food for Tony. At a department store she replaced the broken coffee cups and got a new set of glasses for that night and bought a video for Tony to watch.

They about had dinner ready when Parker came in and hugged his son and Karolina and tossed the salad. Over dinner Tony mentioned the gun to Parker who stared at her and she said "It's just a simple gun, doesn't everyone have one?"

"I trust you know how to use it properly?"

"I can." And it was dropped.

She washed up the dishes as they wrestled in the living room. She enjoyed watching the two at play. Tony asked to watch the video and Parker put it in and joined her in the kitchen. Putting an arm around her he said "Thanks for dinner."

"I enjoyed cooking for someone else."

"Maybe we can do it again sometime?" He asked.

"I'd like that."

She glanced in on Tony who was engrossed in the movie, and Parker pulled her close and kissed her. She kissed him back, enjoying it again. When he held her tighter and lowered his hands to her back. She squirmed under his arms and pulled away from his mouth. She couldn't get away from him, saying "Let me go." He moved away from her and she left the room and went to the bathroom.

He joined Tony on the couch taking in the movie and she came back sitting between them. When she smiled at him he put his arms around her and they settled back to watch the movie. When it was over he got up getting his jacket on and Tony's He thanked her again and kissed her cheek and they left. She was preparing to take a shower and the phone rand the answering machine picked it up and she heard laughter on it. She read some more before going to bed.

June 10-17 held empty pages.

June 17: It has seemed like forever since I have been in this big house. The children and I have had some good times after our studies, playing in the yard. Only when that driver. They call Nosey Jonesey would sneak around spying on us we quit playing. Soon I began calling him that too.

June 18: We went on a picnic today and had so much fun playing by the lake. Soon I would be seventeen and he said I needed to grow up and be a woman instead of a mamma's baby. I was on the other side of the lake and sure I saw my daddy talking to this man who was so mean sometimes and yet sometimes nice to me. I waved and ran toward the two calling out to daddy. I knew he had come to take me home, I had to see him. He did wave back, but then he walked away toward the house. I screamed and ran after him. Running as fast as I could, but he kept on walking away. They were really nice to me tonight, fixed all my favorite foods. But I was too worried to eat. I still was locked in my room and c crying. I could hear him laughing and he said "You failed little one." Once again I wrote mamma begging them to come and get me. All the time knowing they never answered any of the other letters.

July 20-28 were empty pages and she put it away and went to sleep.

Morning woke her with a shock and she showered and dressed for work. Everyone was glad to see her back, and feeling better. Parker came in for lunch and asked her to go to a movie. She shook her head no and said "It's not a good idea at all, thanks anyway." He scratched his head and asked "Can I ask why?"

"I just don't think I should see you again." He left his uneaten order but left a tip behind.

She was moody the rest of the day, she regretted turning Parker down, she knew she obviously hurt his feelings but it was for the best. She could never have a relationship even if she enjoyed his company and his comforting arms. She wished things could be different, but they couldn't. He would never understand the problems she had and would never want her if he knew the truth.

Jean Marie tried to cheer her up and she knew exactly why she was feeling blue. She touched her friends hand looking into her eyes and said "You can always tell him you changed your mind. He'll understand." But Karolina only shook her head no. She went home to Mr. Peabody and couldn't even eat her dinner. She had a message from Parker on the machine. He said he couldn't understand her hot and cold feelings, but he would try. But if she didn't want to see him again, he would honor her decision. Adding "Just remember I'll be there for you whenever you want me for anything. I hope you realize I care about you, call me when you change your mind. She cried herself to sleep that night.

The next morning Jean Marie asked her if she felt well enough to go camping for the weekend. "Actually it won't be camping, we'll be in cabins. If you're up to it, we'd like you to come along." She said she would love to go. She was sick of being in town and would welcome the changes. That afternoon she was cleaning a table and she heard someone say. "Hey little one come here." She gasped and dropped a stack of dishes and went running to the bathroom,

Jean Marie cleaned the mess up and went to check on her. She found her locked in one of the booths crying uncontrollable. She saw sheer terror in her eyes when she finally convinced her to open the door. Karolina asked who was in the restaurant. "Just the regulars what's wrong with you?" She asked

"Describe them."

Jean Marie described everyone she saw and looking at her she said . "I'm calling Gary." She pulled her self together and convinced her she was fine. Then they went back to work the few hours they had left. She still looked forward to getting away for the weekend and mentioned it several times. At home she packed some clothes and food for Mr. Peabody and took a bath and scrubbed herself. Before going to bed she read some more.

I had only been eighteen a few months now and I still hat this place and that man. I have yet to hear from mamma and something must be terribly wrong.

This could have possible have been the worse day of my life. After dinner Jackson told me there had been an accident in Colorado and my parents and sister were killed in a car wreck. He said I would live with them forever and he would marry me. I would help raise his children and would be their mother. I told him I would never be a wife to him or marry him. But he brought in Nosey Jonesey and he said some stuff and said we were man and wife. Jackson put a big huge ring on her finger and cussed her when it fell off. Then he locked her in her room again.

Aug 4: No one has bothered me for days except to see if I wanted anything. All I ever wanted was to go home. Hilda came with my supper and laid out a beautiful nightgown for me after I him, nothing worked. It only left my body tender and raw. After drying off I tried every way to get out of my room. The doors and windows were all locked. There was no way out! I cried if there ever was a God please help me now.

Karolina looked around the room putting the book away. These rooms had locks too. But they were on the inside where she could lock someone out, not herself in. She locked the new lock Parker had put on. She touched her cheek where she felt and remembered his touch. She also felt her lips and remembered his kiss. It was different, but not enough difference. She went to bed hoping for a good nights sleep and nice weekend. She sat up in bed reached for the phone and started dialing Parker's number to tell him she was sorry and had changed her mind. But she only hung up after getting the answering machine.

She hustled out of bed and took a long shower. No matter if she took a thousand showers, she would never feel clean again, after what she had been through. She got her things together ready to pick up after her shift was over they would leave. They were excited all day and got to leave early so they could get a early start. She hurried home to get her things and put Mr. Peabody in the carrier and loaded her car. She drove to Gary and Jean Marie's and helped them load their wagon. During the hundred mile trip they sang songs and she temporary forgot her troubles.

The cabin was part of Gary's family history, that had been in the family for years. There were three cabins around the private lake that they said held lots of good fish. The cabin may have looked rustic on the outside but was fairly modern on the inside. Gary built a fire while they unpacked their things. He talked about all the good times he had there as a boy.

Karolina mentioned she saw smoke in one of the other cabins, and said perhaps they weren't the only ones out for the weekend. That remark wasn't answered and she thought no more about it and they prepared for bed so they could get an early start fishing.

Smells of breakfast woke Karolina and she dressed and went to the kitchen. Was she ever surprised to see Parker at the table. He rose to greet her and held her hand in his saying "Good morning." Tony and Ida Marie were playing Nintendo and Tony said "Hi Karolina."

"Hi buddy I didn't know you would be here."

Gary poured her some coffee and said "He came Thursday night. Actually that's where I got the idea, after he mentioned he wanted to get away. We just forgot to mention he was here. After the guys went out fishing Jean Marie spoke up. "Actually I knew you wouldn't come if you knew he was here. What's wrong with you? Most women chase Parker. You caught his heart and you could care less."

"I wouldn't say that, I do like Parker very much."

"Well you sure fool me, and I'm sure him too." She said hastily. "I told you I don't chase guys."

"So don't just let him catch you."

"I doubt that I could ever relax enough and be good enough for any man especially Parker.

Jean Marie looked at her with tears in her eyes and said. "Please don't say that. None of us can say we are good enough for anyone. I've put this off long enough, you won't talk about it but I will. I think you have all the symptoms of a rape victim." Karolina jerked her head turning away from her so she couldn't see the tears burning her eyes.

Jean Marie continued. "The baggy shirts , jeans high neck blouses. One time I saw you in a sexy outfit and I haven't seen it since." Jean Marie put her arms around her and said "Let us help you, Gary has a friend at the station. She and Gary both have helped a lot of women overcome their fears."

"You're the one who is saying I have, not me." She raised her head making her look at her and said. "I think it's true. We all care about you, and put it in a bucket she hugged him with glee, and was ready to catch another one.

They had sandwiches for lunch and afterwards she walked with the kids around the lake and was deep in thought. She was remembering that other time she was by a lake and she thought even now that she was seeing her father on the other side. Not realizing it was just a flashback in her mind.

Karolina was running and calling something out too far away for Tony to hear what she was saying. He ran to hear her, when suddenly she stopped . She was looking at the bare scenery in front of her and she realized he wasn't there. She sank down in the grass and cried, knowing it was only in her mind. She heard voices far behind her asking "What's wrong?" She held her hands up to her face and cried.

She wasn't aware that Tony was running the other way and didn't hear him yelling "Daddy something is wrong with Karolina." The three others threw their poles down and ran toward them. She did think she heard Kacey saying "Don't cry my daddy is coming." She didn't care she wasn't going anywhere with that hateful man.

She did hear other voices asking "What's wrong" suddenly she was back to the present and Parker was checking her ankle for a sprain. She looked into the concerned eyes of her friends. She wiped her eyes and stared at Parker hoping he didn't see the fear she felt. He pulled her to her feet asking "Did you fall honey?" She shook her head and said. "Let's go fishing again. I'm OK." The other three exchanged glances and shrugged their shoulders and they walked back. She never mentioned what happened and they didn't ask.

The next flashback came after they quit fishing. She was in the swing, reading to the kids, and watching the men clean the fish. Something caught her eye, she saw a shiny knife blade and stared at it. As she watched it move around glaring in the light she was seeing something else. She saw a girl tied to a bed someone standing over her raking the knife down her tender skin, scratching it and scraping it. The girl flinched and tried to strain under the restraints.

The figure above her holding the knife was a big guy and he laughed as he scratched and poked the girl who begged to be let go. "Gary and Parker both heard the gasp and the cry of "No let me go." Parker went over to her and she was staring right at him But Karolina saw a hazy figure in front of her as she shielded herself hands free and said "Stop!"

Parker touched her shoulder and she jumped as she heard a voice calling "Karolina." She put her hand down squinting her eyes she saw Parker. "What's wrong honey?" She shook her head and looked away. He told the children "Why don't you two go set the table for dinner. When they left he sat down in the swing and pulled her head down on his shoulder with his arm around her and said. "I wish I could read your mind."

"Well I don't." She put her arms around his chest and hugged him saying "Just hold me please." He tightened his arms around her and felt her body tremble. Gary left them alone taking the fish inside to be cooked.

He rubbed her back as she held on tight to him he whispered "Tell me what's wrong will you?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't." A few minutes later she raised up and dried her eyes and said. "I am sorry for what I said to you the other day. Although I don't think we should see each other, I want to. I like having you for a friend and I like your company and when you hold me. Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not, I won't push you but I want to be with you, and I want you in my life."

"But it won't work."

"Yes it will trust me." He pushed her head back down and held her again.

They ate dinner of fresh fish and all the trimmings, and begin to play cards. Taking a break didn't fail to see the scars small ones and a large one on the side, before she jerked the towel up in front of her. Jean Marie said "Sorry, you OK?"

"Sure I'm just tired." And she slipped on her shirt. Jean Marie changed into pajamas and they said goodnight.

They were sound asleep when a scream pierced the night. Jean Marie and Gary bolted straight up in bed listening. Then they heard it again, a painful blood curdling scream, and the words "No let me go." Coming across the hall. Gary ran over to Karolina's room, with Jean Marie right behind him. She was still asleep hands above her head, tossing and turning moaning "No." Gary said "Get Parker." But Jean Marie was frozen watching the scene before them.

Gary started shaking and calling to Karolina trying to wake her up. She was reaching down to jerk the cover on her feet saying" Stop, please don't hurt me." Gary again looked at jean Marie and said "Get him." This time she ran from the room like the devil himself was on her heels. Gary grabbed Karolina's hand and said "It's me Gary wake up, you're OK, it's only a dream wake up."

She opened her eyes and looked around the room he said "We're at the cabin remember, you're OK." She jumped out of bed and stood at the window staring at the bed. She said "It's this bed I can't sleep here."

"OK you can have ours then."

She stared wild eyed at the bed seeing the image of herself there hands tied above her head. Feet tied to each post naked and vulnerable. She shivered and Gary got her a quilt from the back of a chair, and wrapped it around her. She still stared at the bed and Gary saw deep terror behind those blue eyes, that scared even him. He was watching and could tell her mind raced on. She was still seeing herself there on the bed tied and struggling. A figure above her ran the cold steel of a knife blade down her body. Sometimes it scratched her and drew blood.

Gary saw Parker come in the door and he motioned him to be quiet. They both watched as she stood there staring at the bed shaking. Parker started to walk over to her he wanted to hold her and tell her it was allright. But Gary made him wait. She saw the knife poking and raking her tender skin, as someone bit her and poked something else between her spread legs. She turned away from the bed and the sight before her that was only in her mind. She looked into two sets of tear rimmed eyes.

She ran into the one set of opened arms that closed so tight around her and she felt safer. She cried and he kissed the top of her head trying to quiet her and said: "I'm here sweetheart, nothing is going to hurt you now. It was only a dream." He held her a few more minutes longer and they led her to the couch. She saw Jean Marie carry Tony in and into the other room.

Chapter 3 Admitting at last

Parker still held onto her and she held onto the quilt. Gary knelt in front of her and taking her hand he asked "You were raped weren't you?" She nodded her head yes and Gary's hand tightened on hers and Parker's arm tightened around her.

The End

 

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