http://www.netsaga.is/media/files/Lunardog&Mesonyx-Sleep%20Deprived,%20mix%20svenni%20999.mp3

Akiko knelt on the floor of her room in her underwear, looking at the miko’s vestments laid out before her. She had practised, of course, but she had borrowed Shiraishi’s priest’s vestments for that, because the types of clothing were the same, even if the colours, and size, were a little different.

Now, looking at the white kimono and red hakama, she found herself intensely nervous. Shiraishi had bought them for her use, and produced them a few hours ago, telling her to have a proper bath and then get changed for the ceremony. She had laid them out then, but had avoided thinking about what they meant until she had finished her bath. But there was no running away from it now.

She didn’t even dare to touch them. That would be to acknowledge the decision. Naoyuki and Akiyama’s criticisms came back to her. What would people think of her? True, she knew that it wasn’t just superstition, and she’d been living at the shrine, but publicly declaring herself a miko; that was different. That was rather final. Did she really want to make such a statement?

If you don’t, why have you been at the shrine all this time, taking all the training?

Because I couldn’t do anything else, she admitted to herself. She had let Tamao drive her to this situation. Well, she corrected herself, not exactly “let”. But still, it really hadn’t been her decision. Oh, granted she had chosen to live in the shrine house, but it was that or the street. And she’d taken the training, but, again, the choice was being thrown out onto the street without a job. Tamao had seen to it that she couldn’t get any other work. She’d run into a burning shrine to get a mask out, but even that had been driven by Tamao and the moment.

And then there was what Akiyama and Shiraishi had both said about the kami. They were violent, petty, and, it seemed, capable of doing stupid things in a fit of rage that only made their situation worse. Maybe it was OK to do things stopped them from hurting you, but to serve them…

Akiko shivered slightly, the air chill on her skin, but she still couldn’t make herself pick up the clothes. That would be a decision, she realised. She couldn’t put the vestments on and attend at the ceremony without deciding to serve at the shrine. No more excuses, after that.

She looked at her ordinary clothes, hanging in the closet. She could put them on, tell Shiraishi she couldn’t serve the kami, and find some other way to deal with the problems Tamao was causing. She could go back to a normal life. It was very tempting, and Akiko found that she couldn’t look away.

But if I don’t become a miko, how can we stop Tamao causing that earthquake? Or stop him pursuing me? Will he let me get a job?

She looked back at the vestments, but she couldn’t make herself pick them up just to dodge Tamao’s harassment. That was what she had been doing ever since this started.

Someone has to do it. Someone has to deal with the problem.

Suddenly, Akiko felt calm. That was true. Someone had to deal with it, someone had to mediate between Tamao and the people of Kawasaki, someone had to deal with the kegare. And, for whatever reason, she seemed to be in the ideal position to do it.

She reached for the vestments.

04: Commitment , Episode 25 | No Comments »