Guðmundur moaned deeply: I had to buy a BMW for mine in the means of keeping her satisfied .

Aðalsteinn moaned higher: I had to buy a BMW and a fur-coat.

Reynir: I had to buy a BMW, a fur-coat and a diamond necklace.

Then Jónas said with a grin: Huh! I didn´t have to buy a thing for my wife! Each morning I just ask her what it´s supposed to be: Love-making or golf.

She always replies the same way: Don´t forget your sweater!

2.

A blond met a handsome blackman on a dance, found him sexy and well built and invited him for a visit to her home.

After a few kisses in the livingroom she took him to her bedroom.

She gave him hand-cuffs and said: "I´m a little kinky and therefore I want you to handcuff me to the bed and then I want you to do what you black guys do best!"

The man hand-cuffed her to the bed, disappeared from the bedroom and emptied the place of everything worthwhile.

3.

Three 90 year old men in an old people´s home were chatting.

-I don´t feel a day older than when I was 60. I think I will go out jocking, said the first.

-I feel just as I were 40. I´m thinking of going to town where I´ll chase the girls.

-I´m feeling like an infant, the third said. I´m bold as an egg, there are no teeth in my mouth and right this moment I did it big in my pants.

4.

Jóhanna was 93 and was feeling very sad because her husband, Jón had just passed away.

She´d decided to end her own life, so that she could reunite with her darling in the afterlife.

She wanted to die quickly and therefore she was going to shoot herself in the heart with her late-husband´s revolver,

because her heart was burning anyway.

But as she wouldn´t want to shoot herself anywhere else but straight into this important bodypart, she rang the hospital

in the means of getting accurate information about where her heart was located.

The doctor told her that her heart should be located right below her left breast.

Later that same evening Jóhanna came by ambulance to the hospital with a severe wound in her groin.

5.

Three guys were together on a river´s bank, 30, 40 and 50 years of age in a beautiful weather.

On the other side they noticed a few barebreasted beauties washing in the river on the other side.

The 30 year old: Hey guys, let´s swim over!

The 40 year old: Let´s find a boat and go for a visit!

Then the 50 year old said obviously astounded: Why should we, we´re able to watch them quite well from here!

6.

A victim came running into the police-station and reported with excitedly that his car had just been stolen infront of him the owner.

-Did you see the snatcher, the constable asked.

-No, not good enough, he replied, but added obviously pleased with himself: But I got the licence-number!

7.

The lady was crying when she came to the priest who asked:

-What´s the matter my dear?

-My husband died yesterday!

-Was it an instant death? Did he have a last wish?

-Yes he did.

-What was his wish?

-He said: Guðríður, put that kitchen-knive down!

8.

The husband and wife were sitting in a fine restaurant, when an incredibly beautiful woman came to their table, greeted the husband

very passionately before she walked away.

-Who was that, the wive asked pissed.

-If you really want to know, she´s my secret lover, the husband replied.

-Your secret lover, groaned the wife. I want a divorce this instant.

-Are you really sure you´d like to say goodbye to our boat, our large villa, your Mercedes, the furcoats, the jewelry

and our summer cottage in Spain, asked the husband.

For a silent while they kept on eating their delicious dinner.

Finally the wife asked : Is that not our neighbour Jóhannes over there, pointing at a man at another table.

Who´s that with him?

-That´s his secret lover, the husband said.

-Oh, she said instantly and drank a little coffee from her cup. Ours is much prettier!

9.

Pirate Simbi was sitting on the pier busy throwing nuts towards the seagulls flying above.

Simbi had a wooden leg, a patch over an eye and a hook where his right hand should be.

A little girl took a seat by his side asking.

-How did you lose your leg?

-I was standing on the starboard-side when a breach threw me overboard.

A shark came along and took my leg away with him!

-But how did you lose your hand?

-Many years ago when I was fighting in the war. One enemy soldier cut my hand off.

The doctor replaced it with this hook.

-How did you lose your eye?

-I was standing in the mast and looked up into the sky at the moment a damned seagull took a shit straight into my eye.

-And did you lose your eye because of that, asked the girl astounded.

-It happened top be my first day with the hook..........

10.

Pinocchio wanted to make a change and therefore he got himself a woman.

Before long he made a visit to his friend the carpenter and asked for his friendly advice in his problems.

-The woman is complaining because of the all the chips she´s receiving from me, what can I do?

The carpenter said the solution seemed rather simple and gave Pinocchio a fine sandpaper.

A little later the friends met again and the carpenter asked about the lovelife.

-It´s great, Pinocchio replied.

-The woman hasn´t been complaining, the carpenter said.

-The woman, Pinocchio says, I took such a liking to the sandpaper, that I said farewell to the woman!

11.

-Hey Benni, you should put drapes for the windows when you´re making out with your wife at night. I watched you last night!

-Ha,ha, I was away last night!

12.

How to charm a woman: Praise her, hug her, kiss her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, stand by her side,

take her to a restaurant, buy her presents, listen to her, spend money on her, go everywhere for her...

How to charm a man: Be naked when you meet him... with a beer.

13.

Why are married women fatter than the single ones?

When the single one comes home and sees what´s in the fridge, she closes it and goes to bed. but when the married one comes

home and sees what´s waiting in her bed she goes to the fridge!