26.5.2009

HOIST THE JOLLY RODGER?

 

    HOIST THE JOLLY RODGER?

http://www.netsaga.is/media/files/ftp%28vocals%20%C3%B6%20og%20s%29.mp3

 

    By the time he had arrived down at the local public house Ben had calmed right down. Now he stood outside just staring at the sign, it was decorated with a simple skull and crossbones and the place had a really simple rather obvious title to go with it, 'The Skull and Crossbones'.

    When he entered he observed that the inside of this place was decorated out to look like the inside of a pirates ship. A lot of work had gone into making this place look good and that spoke to him volumes about its landlord. Now he made his way over to the bar. It was there that he caught the eye of the barman who happened to be dressed up like Long John Silver.

    "A hoi me matey! Looks to me as you be a stranger in out midst," The man said in his best impression of a pirate. Ben could see that this man's beard was real, all brown with a few grey whiskers thrown in which placed this man at the latter half of his thirties, in fact underneath his hat he had a mop of natural curly hair which seemed to compliment the medium his build. He must stand at least six feet five tall.

    "What will it be stranger?" He asked.

    No he was more grey under his hat than brown, now that made him in his forties but his eyes were so clear and alert.

    Ben answered his question, "A pint of lager and do you have any food going?"

    The guy gave a deep thoughtful look as he scratched his beard for inspiration before saying "Eye we have chips, chips and chips left!"

    "Is that it?" Ben replied feeling a little miffed.

    "Eye, you see we actually stop serving hot food a nine," he replied as he made a gesture to the rather large sign which confirmed what he was saying.

    Ben hadn't realised the time. Maybe it was to do with the rather long walk he had taken to calm down before coming in here.

    "Mind you we will not be serving food for much longer as soon as the competition opens up."

    This beard faced guy was rattling off about competition? "What competition?"

    At this point the barman raised his eyes to the sky and then slamming both his fists hard down onto the bar he shouted, "Haven't you seen it? It's a mighty fine place, a big place! And it is going to be a large public house, at this very moment hoards upon hoards of workers are working night and day to turn it into a super pub. I heard from one of these builders that one of them drives a take a way van which spells out to me that he must be an expert in the fast food trade. This spells out doom for my little ship, I mean pub." After saying this he buried his head in his hands in a sign of despair mixed with defeat.

    Ben on the other hand couldn't help but laugh at him.

    The guy couldn't help but raise his eyes upwards and look at this man just standing there laughing at him in his hour of need. "What are you laughing at?" He finally asked.

    "You at getting all wound up over a coffee shop!"

    "A coffee shop? That thing over there is to big to be a coffee shop?"

    "Trust me it's a coffee shop by day and at night it will be a restaurant and it will not be selling any forms of fast food, not unless you class cream cakes and Chelsea buns as fast food."

    This pirate of a barman was frowning even more now and it was no surprise that he asked, "So how come you know all about that place?"

    "Because my friend I am part owner of that establishment and I am the mug who goes out in the van and sells burgers to school children by an empty railway station."

    "You are?" He questioned as he mouth fell open in shock.

    "Yes and my wife Sharon is my partner in this venture."

    "And you won't be selling pub grub then?"

    "No, and I shall keep my take a way van well clear of your car park and this area I promise."

    This man could see the truth and honesty in Ben's eyes and now he had to enquire what this gentleman's name is, "Aye, I believe you, so what's your name stranger?"

    "Ben."

    "And you be? I mean are?" This pirate talk was catching.

    "Dave Merchant! Landlord of the Skull and Crossbones at your service."

    "Pleased to meet you," Ben said as he shook this man?s big hand. "Well if you are at my service, how about rustling up me those chips you promised."

    "Sure! And I'll even cook you up a nice juicy beef burger with a garnished salad."

    "Thanks," Ben muttered as he pulled a face over the mention of burgers, after all the dealings he had with them this afternoon he didn't really fancy eating one.

    As he was chewing over the events of the day he was startled by the bar man when he announced to the clientele the arrival of his latest friend and customer Ben.

    The people who took notice either shouted "hello" or raised their drinking glass, the others just ignored him and one particular customer just sneered at him as he sat in the corner drinking rum, well that was what the bottle said as it stood half empty by the partially filled glass.

    Ben decided to go on over to this one man.

    "Hello! Clive ain't it?"

    "So, what's it to you?" The afro Caribbean man replied in a cold and very un-friendly way. This was a total change around from the other day.

    Ben decided to cut the pleasantries, "What's up with you?"

    "What do you care?" Clive answered as he took another sip of Rum.

    "I happen to care a lot, that is why I'm asking."

    So he cared? Yeah right! Clive thought as his brain decided to tell this young man exactly what his problem was, "I lost my home the other day remember and now I can't find any place to lay my head."

    "Yeah and you will not be laying your head in here, for at eleven I'm closing this joint and you will be thrown out!" Shouted Dave from the other side of the bar before changing his warning tone to a polite happy care free landlord again, "here's your burger and chips Ben!"

    Ben went on over to collect his meal, "Thanks Dave. How much do I owe you?"

    "It's on the house, least I can do for my neighbour."

    "Thank you. Dave can't you give Clive a place to live just for now?"

    Dave leaned across the bar and muttered into Ben's right ear, "I gave him a job once, but the trouble was he kept drinking more of my alcohol than he was selling to the punters, I had to fire him and ban him for six months for his rude conduct towards my staff and friends. That guy is just a drunken bum and will not be good for anything else in life."

    As Dave had finished whispering into his ear Ben had another thought flash across his mind, "Is that how he lost his job at the old club?"

    Dave had now forgot about the whispering and continued to answer Ben's question in a normal conversational tone as Ben stuffed his face with a burger, "He used to be a great pianist, but then came the drink and then went his job, just too bad. Boy what a waste of talent!" Dave sighed as he shook his head and walked away.

    With enough said, Ben went and rejoined one hard staring Clive. He went to offer him a chip but received a sneer, so decided to give it a miss and instead felt determined to offer Clive a little hope. "So, Clive you've got no where to sleep, how about moving back into the shed for now. I got one of those builders to put a large piece of plastic sheeting over the hole and now it's waterproof and in just under a week it will be fixed. I should be able to talk my wife round, allow you to stay there. Now what do you sa
y?"

    All he got was a big belch as his answer.

    It was at this point Ben was wondering if his good nature was being wasted on the drunk man, when Clive suddenly looked up and fixed eyes with him.

    "If you buy me a whisky, then I might think about it. After all where I come from you never talk business without a strong drink in your hand."

    "Yeah? Where's that Jamaica?"

    "Nah! Clapham junction. Ha, ha, ha!" Roared the man.

    With that Ben started to laugh before ordering two strong whiskeys.

    They staggered out of the Skull and Crossbones at a quarter to twelve. Both rather merry to say the least. They made it up to the shop.

    Ben tried the main entrance to make one important discovery, "It's ssslocked."

    "Oh well letssss try the back!" Clive shouted though he thought he was whispering.

    "Buddy we haven't sgot a black way," he replied as he slapped his friend on the back.

    Clive slapped him back before pointing out the error in his new found friends sentence, "I'm black and you've got a back way, jusst follow me!" Clive grabbed him by the shoulder as they stumbled off to the right of the door, almost tripping over a few rubbish bags which in turn disturbed a black cat as it rummaged through one of the bags which had split in search of an old chicken leg or something.

    The cat hissed making one terrible noise as both men decided to tell it off by shushing it. All they did was make their own terrible noise by half-spitting all over the place.

    They finally made it to an alleyway which separated two shops and this would lead them round to the back of the shop.

    "See I told you there was a back way via an alleyway." Clive pointed with the use of his thumb, "Now come on!"

    "I don't see any alleyway?" Questioned Ben as he walked straight into the wall by the alleyway. It was there that he stood motionless.

    Clive popped his head back round, "That's a wall. It's this way you idiot." He then proceeded to give his friend a tug around the corner, on into the alleyway.

    After about three hundred yards they had made it into Ben's back yard.

    Ben was relieved at the sight that awaited him, "We are here! Clive, buddy your home awaits you!" Then he pointed towards the general direction of the shed.

    Clive was not so full of confidence at this point, "Where? I don't see any shed."

    Ben walked over to where the shed should be, "It's here! Right where this hole is! Eh? Hole? It's gone! Where has it gone to? It must be here somewhere."

    "Well it ain't! Someone has knocked it down and remooooved it." Clive shouted out as if this would help in getting his friend to accept reality.

    "Sharon did it! She removed it out of spite!"

    Reality had set in, slapping him around the face.

    "But why man?"

    "Because she takes away everything I like! She knew I loved that shed and now it's gone." He looked very sad for a second before a rage seemed to run through his watery eyes, "Right! That'siiiit! I'm going to tell her exactly how I feeel!"

    "How do you pro, prep, er, how are you going to do that?" Clive finally managed to ask.

    Ben looked around him before his blurred vision landed on the very item he could use, "By using this ladder here."

    Clive eyed up one wooden ladder that was leaning up against the wall which happened to be placed in the right area for his friend to climb up and get into the first floor window which was slightly open, "Yo man, I wouldn't do that if I was you."

    Ben took no note of Clive?s concerned voice, "Look! I have to tell her now or I will forget it in the morning." He started to climb it.

    "Look don't climb that ladder."

    "And why not?" Ben replied impatiently as he carried on climbing.

    "Because near the top the rungs are rotten and you could have a very nasty ............"

    (Snap!) "Ow, ow, ow, ow ,ow!"

    Just as Clive had nearly finished his sentence Ben climbed just above halfway on the old wooden ladder when one of the rungs snapped causing the guy to fall through and catch his lower parts on the next rung down, that rung also snapped as he fell in the same area and managed to repeat this accident all the way down to the ground as the ladder fell apart and split into many directions.

    Clive walked over, standing over the man who was clearly in pain and couldn't move, "Hey are you alright?"

    "No...I've damaged my family jewels." He replied through clenched teeth.

    "Come on man, let's find another place to sleep."

    "No, can't move... Anyway it's a clear summers night... I think I will just lay here until morning and while I'm at it I think I will pass....."

    He was a goner! Clive was now alone but not lost for words to say to his passed out friend, "Okay suit yourshelf! I'm going to stay somewhere more comfortable!" It was then that his eyes saw something glinting in the moon light just by his friends left leg. Picking it up he walked away.