26.5.2009

SNAKE EYES?

    SNAKE EYES?

http://www.netsaga.is/media/files/happi.mp3


    The very next morning Ben was woken by a feeling of being wet which made him yell out, "Whaaa!" Then as he opened his eyes he was caused to yell out "Whaaa!" Yet again as a cascade of water fell from the sky to drench him!

    A voice shouted down to him, "Time to get up and go to work!" It was his wife yelling down to him from their bedroom window from where the two buckets full of water had come from.

    Even though he had just come round and even though his head was not too cleaver, he could still tell that she was none too pleased with him and that he would remain in the dog house all day.

    As it turned out he was right, she never said a single word to him through out breakfast. The only words that were uttered in his direction was when he was going out of the door.

    "Come back at five, we are going out to see my Auntie."

    "Right, back at five."

    Then off he went down stairs through the hall, then down another flight of stairs, then he dodged a few workmen and now he was free but only for a second, he had forgotten his van keys! Running back up the two flights of stairs and rushing back into the kitchen to pick up a set he said to Shaz, "Forgot my keys!" Smiled, ran all the way back down the two flights and outside. It was at this point he wondered why his head hurt. He didn't have too long to wonder, stood in front of him was a skinny white male with jet black straight hair and a six o'clock shadow looming.

    "Hello dude, er, my name's Phil, I live across the road, behind you and I, well I keep reptiles."

    Ben could not work out why this guy was telling this and therefore struggled with anything to say to him apart from, "Oh, do you."

    "Mostly snakes. But I do have those nice little tree frogs, I had seven but I lost one, sucked it up in the vacuum cleaner, made a real mess as the cyclone thingy whipped it around, still cool colours red and green!"

    Ben pulled a cringe from his face at this distressing news before everything fell silent as they both looked at each other.

    Phil suddenly remembered why he had come on over, "Well you see I have kinda lost my Boa constrictor called Vinnie and if you kinda find him then call this number and I'll come on over and fetch him. He could turn up anywhere, he likes to explore sewage pipes and stuff."

    This Phil person was a frustrating person to talk to, not only was his voice very monotone but his speech was on the slow side.

    "Okay, um, Phil, if this snake makes an appearance on this property I will call you," Ben said as he took this man's card and stuffed it in the top pocket of his shirt.

    "Thanks dude." Phil replied, then just stood there staring at Ben.

    Ben would of done the same if he hadn't noticed the full compliment of builders turning up to start another day at this dump. "Well nice talking to you Phil, I have to go now and do some work, bye!"

    "Yeah man catch you later."

    As he walked away Ben muttered to himself, "I hope not."

    It took only a few more steps to make out where the van was parked, hopping in he started it up, the van seemed to him for a couple of seconds to sound like the engine was snoring but then again these foreign vans had that tendency to sound a little weird. Shaking that thought out of his head he headed out to the north circular in search of a nice place like an airport to sell his hot food.

    Sharon had shaken off her mood with her husband and after completing the washing up she was now onto unpacking some of the many packing crates which lay around this partially empty room. She had a lot of work to do with all the clothes and other items still packed away and not forgetting the furniture stacked rather precariously over in the corner. These were the items of furniture which she had kept hold of after selling the family mansion. Shaz had decided to keep only a few bits which meant the most to her, these were the ones that chose to activate the memory maze of fond recollections of her and her parents. Like the large old fashioned sofa in which she used to hide behind when playing hide and seek with her dad. The small upright piano which was a present to her on her tenth birthday and often she would play tunes with her mother, or just play for the family and guests, though on recollection, not very well. There also stood in the lounge two leather chairs in which her parents would often sit in the evenings, they were always positioned near the open fire. She still missed her parents. Shaz found herself just standing behind one of the chairs fondling it with love when she was yanked away from her thoughts by a loud knock at the door. "Its open!" She called out through the hallway and as she was about to reach for the handle in came Gordon.

    "Hello luvvie!" he called in his usual cheerful way oblivious to the fact that he could have knocked his boss for six just a second ago.

    Even though she had just escaped from having a severe knock to the face Sharon was glad to see him, pleased with the distraction. After all she hated going too far down her memory maze, it would always end up at one funeral and then the other of her parents.

    "Good news!" Gordon cried as he clapped his hands together, "the decorators are here and are ready to revamp the kitchen, also the builders have managed to gut out the dining area, so all in all not a bad days work."

    It amazed Sharon how one short plump man could posses enough puff to get all of what he had just said out in one go! Still another thing amazed her when he said; "Also I have a date for your court appearance." Shaz felt a sudden rush of adrenalin, after all what is she going to court for?

    Though she had said nothing at all Gordon could see the shock wash over her face so explained, "Luvey the court case? You know, get a liquor license."

    "Oh yes, the liquor licence. When?"

    "Friday at nine thirty and don't panic. Mr Pritchard a very well known solicitor will be on hand to represent you, a close friend of mine, would you like to see the kitchen plans now? I have them downstairs."

    There he went again floating from one sentence to another without pausing for breath! Did he always live his life as fast as he speaks? Sharon just replied, "Yes please."

    Making their way down the winding stairs and onto the servants floor they passed by a dark haired chap who said hello as he walked by them before darting into one of the rooms. Sharon and Gordon carried on walking for a few steps more before turning to look at each other, they said in unison "Who the hell is that?" After a few seconds more of staring at each other in search of an answer which was not forth coming they ran back and into the room.

    Gordon entered first and as he did he could hear a man call out "Hey Vinnie! If you are down there come on out!"

    After another second spent looking at each other Sharon motioned to her friend to let him know where the sound was coming from. Moving like a crime fighting cop team they made their way to the bathroom entrance. Sharon motioned with her right hand that she was in position to go in. Gordon nodded from the other side of the entrance. Raising his filafax into bashing position while nodding his readiness. Then with just a nod from Sharon they went in.

    They entered the bathroom to find a bottom face up staring at them both. The other end of the chap was down the toilet, his hands were gripping the side of the rim as he leaned over and down.

    Shaz decided that a firm voice was needed here. "What are you doing in my toilet?" she shouted causing it to echo around this tiled bathroom.

    The man jumped with shock before his hands slipped off the rim to plunge his head down into the basin. It made a plopping sound as it hit the water at the base of the loo. Shaz and Gordon knew what was in the bottom and so both again said in unison "Whurr, pooh!" The toilet hadn't been flushed in years. They observed one impostor having trouble trying to pull himself out of there, his hands could not find the rim again, they were waving frantically about. Rushing over, Gordon took one hand and Sharon the other. Between them they managed to get the feller out of there. When he appeared he was a funny colour, could it be down to his constant coughing and spluttering after swallowing the water? No he was probably a funny colour due to the browning stale water that existed down nearly all of the toilets that lived in this block.

    Gordon felt pity for this sad case of a man and with a kind gesture he offered the guy his handkerchief from his white suit. In fact it was another one of many ridiculous suits this man possessed! It was all white, his tie was also white, he wore a pink shirt with pink matching shoes with white socks. He looked like a packet of marsh mellows that you can purchase from any leading supermarket chain.

    Sharon waited for the stranger to clean up his face a little before asking, "What are you doing down my toilet?"

    The guy finished wiping before answering "Well, er, dudess. I was looking for my pet snake Vinnie. You see he's disappeared down my own toilet. I tried to grab hold of him to stop him leaving, too strong you see. Boa constrictors are very strong."

    Gordon and Sharon together nodded in a way that indicated that they didn?t have the slightest clue what he was on about, also how strong snakes were. They tried to get him to elaborate but to no avail.

    All he said was, "Well, they are strong. Vinnie likes to explore the local sewers and when this place used to be open he often liked to pay the dudes a visit." Then in what appeared to be an after thought he said, "Hi, my names Phil by the way." Then pointing out the partially opened window he said, "I live over in that block of flats."

    One of those big ones situated at the rear of her property. Sharon decided that she was not going to stand here listening to fairy stories all day about snakes from a loony called Phil. "If he turns up we will let you know, pop round or give you a bell. Now if you don't mind leaving we have work to do."

    Phil took the hint and as he was just out the door he turned to say, "Oh, I think your man friend has my number. Er, bye, oh and thanks for the use of your hanky."

    Gordon looked on as Phil handed him back one dirty handkerchief, then shook his head and said, "Nah keep it!"

    Phil in turn burst out with a broad smile, "Gee thanks dude! no one has ever given me a gift before!"

    Gordon didn't quite know what to make of this skinny anaemic looking man and just said, "That's okay ducky. Now it's time for you to go."

    Phil took the hint and left. After out of ear shot Sharon let rip with, "What a cheek! This guy takes a free snoop around my place and for good measure gives me a load of cobblers about a snake running wild in the sewers of London town. As if anyone would be allowed to keep a boa constrictor in a flat." Looking at Gordon who was clearly on edge after her outburst she calmly said, "Come on Gordon lets take a look at those kitchen plans of yours." After saying this she followed Gordon out of the bathroom and closed the door and as she did her eyes registered a slight movement but her brain told her it was most probably a trick of her imagination.