26.5.2009

SOFT, STRONG AND VERY, VERY LONG.

    SOFT, STRONG AND VERY, VERY LONG.

http://www.netsaga.is/media/files/sso-midnight-once%20again.mp3
 

    Clive and Bernard had between them stitched poor Gordon up well. Clive won about one hundred and fifty pounds from him and Bernard had won at least two weeks worth of rent at this Coffee shop stroke hotel. Every so often to keep the poor guy interested they allowed him to win a few small pots and for good measure they allowed him a slightly bigger pot before they stung him again. Little Gordon had got a little too excited after winning and was now off down stairs to use one of the toilets. He didn't want to use Miss Sharon's, he viewed that as an insult to his bosses privacy. Both Bernard and Clive didn't understand this small man's view, but heck as long as they are winning who cares! Anyway nature was calling and to no surprise! They had consumed a couple bottles of wine and whole twenty four pack of mini lager bottles. Clive had been a couple of times, he needed to take another trip and while he was at it he would check up on Gordon who had been gone for ten minutes and the big guy had been almost as long. What were they doing? Maybe they had popped down to the off license? Clive found himself staggering down the steps and onto the floor where he was going to live. The room he had didn't posses a toilet, in fact only four of the rooms did. The others had to visit the communal toilets at the end. Making his way into the well used large bathroom he shouted out, "Hey Gordon what?s keeping you man?"

    "Eeeerrrrrrrrrr!" Came the reply.

    Making his way round the small wall which aided the privacy from the hall he asked once more, "What the hell is up, passed out? throwing up and missed to pan, hee, hee." He rounded the corner to find Gordon and the big man just standing in a cubicle just facing him. They seemed frozen in time. "Hey dudes! What are you both doing in that cubicle?"

    "S,sssssnnnnnn....."

    "What?" Clive couldn?t work this out, after all both men looked fine, they were giving him good eye contact Yet both were not moving and Bernard was very quiet. As he looked at the two staring back at him, he noticed a third head rise and now one large snakes head was looking back at him. He then noted why the two men couldn't move, the snake had wrapped itself around them tightly. Clive suddenly observed that his brown eyes were bulging with fear. He had to do something! Moving towards them he went to unravel this monster.

    Gordon noted what he was about to do and warned, "No Clive! That?s what Bernard did and look at him."

    Bernard in turn wanted to nod though felt compelled not to, especially as one large cold head was staring back at him.

    "Okay man I will fetch some help. Stay there and don't move!" Clive cautioned and received a mock reply from Gordon.

    "Oh very funny! Where do you think we can go to?"

    Clive skidded out of the bathroom to land in the hall, then running to the end and literally flying down the old stairs to find at the bottom one Sharon with a limp looking husband.

    Shaz saw Clive run down to meet them, "Ah, Clive, give us a helping hand would you."

    Clive wanted too, but he had to divulge the more important news. "Mam, I would but I need help! Bernard and Gordon have got a rather large looking snake wrapped around them both in the toilets."

    She watched his rather graphic rhythmic gestures of his description of what had happened and came to one easy conclusion, "Have you been drinking?"

    This caught him off balance, struggling for an answer he said, "No mam! Well yes, but I ain?t drunk and I know I shouldn't have! Mam please come and take a look, I ain?t hallucinating."

    Okay Sharon would bite but not without a warning, "If you are hallucinating I will throw you out of here using the bony part of my foot." She was already annoyed at her husband for his drunkenness and now his so called friend was the same. So she just dumped her husband down, walking up the few steps, it wasn't until she hit the top that she realised she had dumped Ben down half way up! Looking round quickly she saw his limp body roll all the way down and crash into the wall just by the left of the stairs. To her relief he was still out cold. "Oop's! Still serves the bum right for getting plastered."

    Following Clive down the hall and into the bathroom she found the scene just as Clive had described it. Bernard, Gordon and one very big snake! What could she do? She could call the Police and they could shoot the thing! But then they might shoot the lads. Come on, what was she thinking of? This was a crazy woman?s thoughts!

    Gordon spoke to distract her thoughts. "Miss Sharon, could this be the snake belonging to that weird man?"

    Like a lightening bolt flashing through her brain this was the answer, yes this snake was, er, Vinnie. Belonging to a, now what?s his name? Phil and he had a contact number in her husband's jacket.....The one he's wearing! Suddenly shouting out she said to the two, "Just wait right there and don't move!"

    "Oh great! We have yet another comedian. This is not a laughing matter!" Gordon berated the fleeing Sharon and received a tight squeeze from the boa constrictor for his outburst.

    "Thank you Gordon, now just shut it before we both die." Bernard moaned through clenched teeth.

    Gordon was in no state to take any flak off anyone, "Okay, just blame me why don't you! How was I to know that a forty foot python was going to fall from the ceiling and attach itself to me and that you of all people were stupid enough to try and pull it from off of me and in turn trapping yourself."

    "At least I tried to help!"

    Both stopped shouting at each other when they felt an all too familiar tight squeeze. The only thing they could agree on was the unified scream of pain, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........!"

     Sharon in the mean time ran all the way back down to Ben and was now frantically searching in his pockets for the card. It was at this point her husband came round.

    "Wow! Is this my lucky night?"

    She was in no mood for this! "Oh shut up you drunken twit!" before punching him in the face sending him back to unconsciousness. She found the card, using her mobile she phoned the number.

    "Hello, this is Phil. Well actually its a recording, bogus huh? If you would..."

    "Wonderful a recording! How the heck am I going to find him so he can have his stupid snake back!" She complained to her mobile in search of an answer, and surprisingly it came!

    "My snake? You've found my snake?"

    Staring at her phone she answered, "Yes. I thought this was a recording?"

    "Sorry lady dude, its the real me. I only do that just in case its somebody nasty after me, then it gives me a head start on e'm. I don't even have an answering machine. So, got my Vinnie?"

    "Well actually, your snake has got hold of my two friends and is holding them very tightly indeed."

    "Wow awesome! I'll be right over to see this. It?s that place just out back right?"

    "Yes, hurry." She wasn't expecting a response like the one she received, still he was coming to get his monster.

    Within a few seconds he had arrived carrying a large portable case. "Yo lady! Where's the snake?"

    "Up stairs," she replied and stepped over Ben to mount the stairs.

    "Right, cool!" Phil replied before stepping over a body on the floor, "Hey, who's the dead dude?"

    "Oh, that?s my drunk husband, just ignore him."

    Phil did as he was told and all too soon he was reunited with his long lost snake. "Yo Vinnie! Who's been a naughty boy then. Now come back home with daddy." It was all too easy, the snake un-wrapped its self and made its way into the long cage.

    Both Gordon and Bernard could now breathe properly again along with feeling ten times lighter after removing that snakes weight from off of them. Gordon let his expressions run free, "How wonderful it is to get that python from off of me! I feel like a new man!"

    "Is he sure?" Clive quipped getting a laugh from big Bernard as Phil addressed the small guy, "Dude, its a Boa Constrictor."

    Gordon looked over suddenly filled with anger at this waste of a man. "I don't care what it is, all I know is that you could have been paying for my funeral bill." Then looking at himself in the mirror he carried on his rantings, "And talking about funerals, I guess I can say a sad farewell to my suit which your snake has ruined!"

    Phil didn't know quite what to say, except try to give them an explanation "Sorry weirdo, you see Vinnie got lonely and so he decided to latch onto you both for companionship until I could arrive. Well best take him home now." He quickly backed out of there and was gone within a few seconds.

    After getting her husband to bed, Shaz sat in one of the leather chairs after pouring herself a stiff drink. This had only been the start of her life here, she felt that by the time this project was complete she'd be signed into the alcoholics anonymous clinic if everyday was going to be filled with mishaps like this one had been.