26.5.2009

WEEKEND BLUES WITH S.W.U's

    WEEKEND BLUES WITH S.W.U's

http://www.netsaga.is/media/files/da%20mousie.mp3
 

 

    The sun broke through the curtains with a fiery brilliance to signal to Ben that another day was starting and the weekend of peace had slipped away. Was it really just three days ago they had finished the interviews and phoned the successful candidates? It?s really been a weekend of running about getting this and that for this very day; our staff were arriving at nine thirty sharp." He said out loud receiving no response from his half-dead wife as she lay sleeping. It was only five thirty, he still had another hour and a half before having to get up.

    Sharon was fast asleep in his arms, in fact he could feel her breath on his chin, all warm. But something was irritating him and he knew exactly what is was. It was her hair tickling his ear. So tell me why is it that in those big movies when the chick is pictured lying in the hunk?s arms there they lay all smiles and happy to be cuddling, that dumb out to lunch expression of joy over the hero?s face. Yeah right! In reality that girl?s hair would be driving him wild as he fought desperately not to garrotte her in his desperate fight to scratch at the irritation. Normally the hair ends up in his eyes, ears, mouth or worse up his nose. No pleasure in that at all.

    "Mmm, did you say something?" Shaz asked in a half dreamy sort of way.

    "No love, just go back to sleep." To his relief that is exactly what she did moving out of his way so he could get up and head on downstairs.

    The whole place was as silent as the grave, all except of course himself creeping about the place. He was dressed in a fetching red dressing gown as he took a tour of the place examining all the fire exits and other safety equipment. Ben was going to check the fire alarm then decided a drill this early in the morning wouldn?t bring out the best in all who stayed here. Then about quarter to seven he opened up one of the big wooden front doors and took a look out, where he came face to face with the postman.

    "Sorry sir, um, here is a letter for you, well I think it?s for you, you are the boss here aren?t you?" The young lad apologised after he had tried to post the thing into this customer?s stomach. He had been distracted by a female jogger with great legs.

    Ben took a look at the crumpled letter, "a letter for me?"

    The lad took it back and read, "It says for the attention of mister Ben?"

    "Do you know what it is?"

    "It?s a letter!" The postie replied all wide-eyed wondering why this guy was asking a silly question like that for?

    "I know that. Do you know who it?s from?"

    He took a half-step back, "Sir! It is an offence to open and read other people?s mail. Also the post office I am assured has come a long way since the old days of reading mail. We only read the occasional postcard as they are open for all to see."

    While the lad was going off on one, Ben turned over the letter to find a seal on the back which had the initials of S.W.U.

    "S.W.U, now what does that mean?"

    "Ah, S.W.U means the local Shop Workers Union."

    "Oh," another silence followed as Ben?s brain was ticking away to realisation.

    Behind the postman their was a man taking his dog for a walk, or should he say; taking the man for a walk. All you could hear was the bloke shouting, "Fido slow down! Slow down boy! Fido stop!" Twang went the lamppost as the man hit it square on falling backwards from the impact. The big dog ran off oblivious to the hurt he had caused his master, or should we say slave.

    "Thanks for your help, though it wasn?t much of one," Ben finally said as he slammed the door on the postman. All you could hear from the other side was a scream of agony as one postie nursed a broken nose.

    When he went back to Shaz and found she had already got up and was making breakfast.

    "Why did you get up at the crack of dawn?"

    "I couldn?t sleep."

    "Oh," she mumbled before spying the solitary letter her husband was holding, "What?s that?"

    "A letter!"

    "I can see that bit, who?s it from?"

    "The S.W.U."

    "The who?"

    "Shop Workers Union."

    "What do they want from us?"

    Ben had taken a little time to read the bally thing on the way up and needed to sit down again. Pulling out one of the four chairs he took the liberty of answering. "They are calling in on that little agreement over your liquor licence. They would like me to be the guest speaker on Friday night."

    "That?s the day before we officially open. That?s ridiculous, you will have to cancel, we will be way too busy." Sharon replied as she waved a knife about in one hand and a piece of toast in the other.

    "I would if I could, but I can?t."

    "Why?"

    "Because my dear, they have put at the bottom, that failure to show up will cost you your licence. Its signed by Judge Emerson."

    Shaz placed down her toast and knife to grab hold of the letter on posh paper. After reading it through she had to confess... "Can?t run a restaurant without a licence to serve drink."

    Ben looked up at her and felt he too had to confess, "I was afraid you were going to say that."

 

    Within a couple of days the team had settled in and were starting to get into the swing of things, many were doing well. The three Bob?s were happy acting out the waiter positions with Tiffany (Named after a certain light fitting) turned out to be a very good trainer. She had the three Bob?s and other waiting staff all nearly trained and ready for action. Bernardo with kitchen staff were doing great even though he didn?t speak a single decent word in Spanish, French or come to think of it English. Mind you, he was happy in his new position and would often sing whilst working which was an experience as he couldn?t sing let alone string a decent line together. In truth, he is the worst singer in this universe.

    Chang was also settling in quite well. It took him sometime to get used to the fact that he had to take orders, but he?s getting there. The van is out everyday with either Clive and Bernard or Clive with Raymond. Both teams worked well together. There was a few problems with bits and bobs around the joint which Ben and Chang the amateur repairmen were trying to fix.

    Sharon stood in the hallway just looking round her. This place had never ceased to amaze her. Not so long ago remember it was a derelict building and now, now it was a fully functional restaurant/small hotel which she had called by name, ?The Coffee Club?. She wondered if the name might put a few clients off, as a place called this couldn?t actually ring up in her mind a picture of a hotel. Would people, customers think the same? This place had a theatre that could handle any production or musical. Would her customers think this to be a weird sensation, eating whilst watching Mary Poppins or something like that by an amateur production team? Then again, all in all these things had to be tried and tested. If it worked then all and well, if the project failed? Then you adapt to find what the public wants. Then if she couldn?t find what they wanted, this place would fold. No comfort there being the most expensive mistake she had ever come up with.

    Sharon found comfort as she looked down her list for the opening evening. Out of all the tables in the club she had another thirteen to fill. Still, over eighty percent were filled, a good sign. Even some in the café area were filled as this served in the evening as a quiet room for those who just wanted a peaceful time with good friends around them. Sharon felt suddenly tired, it was to no surprise as she had worked non-stop in getting the right produce for her new chef. He had to have the freshest lobsters in the tank and other delicacies. Also on her own side a top restaurant had to have as a coffee place, the best varieties of coffee?s ever seen to man along with the machines to do this. She had coffee?s and recipes hunted from across the globe to give her an edge over the competition.

    Hopefully the guests will like it and one important one The Mayor Of London with certain high officials liked it, then word would spread and she would have their kind for life. With this comforting thought on her mind, Shaz went off to find out if the fresh veg man had delivered the goods yet.

    "So man, tell me where we are going?" Chang asked as he stood in one of those older looking Northern Line tube stations of London.

    "I need to go into Camden and get some electrical pieces so I can fix those stupid table lamps, get e?m working again."

    "Why bring me?"

    Ben frowned, "Why not?" He just finished asking this, when their tube train came hurtling into the station. Slowing to a halt the generators kicked in as the doors parted making a loud warbling sound as the impatient tube train longed to be off again. The carriage turned out to be fairly busy. Both steeped on and no one got off, it was standing room only.

    Chang hated tubes, in fact if he was back in with his crowd he would be now travelling around in a big spacious air conditioned car. Then again, he would be on his way to sort someone out who wasn?t paying up or had squealed or something nasty. Today though he was on a smelly tube train, especially as someone had let one go of the eggy kind, but he was going to do no one harm. This was a hassle free ride to Camden. The doors to the tube closed leaving him with a slight feeling of claustrophobia. This soon passed like the eggy smell, he faced an attractive young lady as she pushed by him to find the only free seat in this tin can. She was blond and very pretty, he couldn?t help himself but to let his head turn to follow her to her seat. But his head could only follow so far before he found a face full of brown wiry hair. Chang had just turned round to land his face in another taller man?s armpit and he had body odor!

    Ben couldn?t help but laugh as Chang apologised to the taller sweaty man. This man in turn was very big built and wore one of those muscle tee shirts along with those loose ill fitting jogging bottoms with camouflage that you often see being worm by body builders.

    "Chang buddy, that serves you right for staring."

    "Yeah, yeah!" Chang replied as he threw a sneer in the older guy?s direction.

    Ben felt uncomfortable suddenly remembering this guy was still with the mafia. The tube pulled into thier station and served to take away this reminder. "Come on Chang, let?s get out here." Both stepped out of the tube from hell and dashed to the top and out of this station to smell the fresher air, minus armpits and egg smells.

 

    Sharon slammed the phone down hard before shouting out, "Great, just great! What am I supposed to do now? We open in just under thirty three hours and my pianist breaks his fingers. Am I supposed to learn how to play the piano properly in that time using a play it yourself dvd."

    "Hi Luvvie, what seems to be the problem?" Gordon called from the safety of the door entrance by the kitchen. He was wearing an all white suit where everything matched except the colour of his hair.

    Shaz had learned from the time she had had the pleasure of associating with this man, that he always came up with the right answers at just the right time. "Gordy, we have a problem. Our pianist has broken his fingers in a freak accident."

    Gordon looked shocked as he placed his hands on his cheeks before pulling himself together and yanking his trusty mobile phone out. "Hello Hammie love. Gordy here. Could you do me a big favour and hire me out your pianist for just one evening, you will be handsomely compensated. Yes, oh, you must be joking? He?s what? Oh, there is a shortage of them around, tell me about it. Well thanks for trying, yeah I?ll call you Sunday."

    He placed away his phone and with a look of defeat he confirmed it with the rubber stamp of his mouth. "I tried, but as you probably heard there?s a shortage of them."

    "Oh boy, I?m stuck now."

    Gordy slumped on the door post before springing back upright, "No hold on. I remember what a little birdie told me about a certain one in our employment who can play."

    Shaz was all ears, "Who?"

    Back in Camden Chang and Ben had purchased some of the long list of things they required before diving into a well known fast food restaurant chain.

    "There you go Sir, two Big Mac?s, fries, large cokes with your apple pies," The waitress said to the two as she slid the tray across the serving counter.

    "Cheers, um, Chang where do you want to sit?"

    "Um?"

    Ben could see that he was miles away. He thought for a second or two that his mind was on the wrong kind of work, his old work. Then again no, the lad was clearly stood staring at this waitress. What was up with him? Clearly he could have the pick of any girl his organisation chose for him. Girls liked to hang out with the bad guys, that?s why he had little trouble in getting them. Then again maybe that was false, maybe the good intelligent girls stayed clear of the bad guys? Or was this more deeper?

    Ben finally said, "Ur, Chang, hello! I?m going to sit over there by the window, you can come when you?re ready."

    The chump still didn?t listen as his fixation with this waitress was a little embarrassing. Finally the girl broke the spell with, "Do you require anything else?"

    For the second time this day he went a slight shade of red as he stammered out, "No, I?m with him, not with him in that way, but with him as a friend, um he?s my boss...have a nice day!"

    Ben yanked the chump away from making a further fool of himself. As they sat down and was distributing the food Ben decided to break the silence, "How are you finding work at my place?"

    Chang took a mouthful of fries first before wanting to blurt out that it was the best thing he?d ever done, even though it was really hard to take orders and not belt the living daylights out of the person doing it. Especially if something didn?t go his way. It was hard not having your heavies around which seemed to cause a sense of vulnerability. Then again it seemed to Chang to give him a sense of freedom to do what he wanted.

    In the end he chose this reply, "It?s okay. Some of the things I have to learn are cool, others just suck, just a little too hard."

    "Well, you will find that with more practice, the hard things become more easy. Then we will put you in training for the more demanding things and once mastered you will be in a position to be manager of our establishment."

    Chang almost let the fries fall from his open mouth! A manager? Why would this guy here who hardly knows me consider taking me on as a manager?

    "Yeah right, me a manager?"

    "I?m serious and I?m serious about my next question. You?ve never had a girlfriend have you?"

    "Yes I have! I?ve had dozens and done loads of things with them."

    Ben pulled a half-smile before taking a large gulp of Cola before asking, "Like what?"

    "You know."

    "Yeah I know, do you?"

    "Yeah."

    "Well, like what?"

    Chang had had enough of this and stood up, he was either going to belt this old man, or he was going to confess and that strangely is what came out! "Okay, so I?ve never had a girlfriend in my entire life!"

    With that the entire restaurant fell deadly silent as everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the commotion by the window. Chang stood knowing all were looking at him. "Um, well that?s true and now you all know, so why don?t you go back to shovelling your faces and talking to nobody on your mobile phones!" He managed to stare down half of them as others lost interest and went back to eating.

    Ben gestured for him to sit back down as he reassured, "I was only asking that is all."

    "Look man, I?ve never had the time. When I have had the time the only girls who are interested are the ones who have been around the track more times than one of those greyhound type dogs. Or have been to the bottom of the ocean more times that a mini sub. I want a girl that?s real special, yeah very special to me."

    As Chang related this Ben could see a little twinkle in his eyes. "I sure hope you do, but sometimes it can take a little time to find that special one. Sometimes she can be right under your nose and you won?t realise it until it?s almost too late."

    "Eh?"

    He had clearly lost this lad so after having another big bite of his burger and a little Cola to wash it down he continued. "Take Sharon and I. She pressured me for many years and I resisted because she in my eyes was an easy flirtatious girl. I couldn?t stand that, in fact I used to hate her around me. Then after finally getting to know the inner person, I discovered her to be an insecure lady with a wonderful heart and a beautiful."

    "Pair of lungs!"

    Ben frowned, "No! Mind. In the end we fell in love and here we are."

    "Surely you can fall in love at first sight can?t you?"

    "Yeah you can. Sharon always said it was love at first sight with me. But I?ve had some experience before and it didn?t work out, my first wife and I were too young. The love at first sight out grew us and she left me for someone else."

    Chang raised his eyebrows, "You were married before? Just how old are you?"

    "Old enough to look before I leap into love with someone."

    As Chang wasn?t going to get his actual age he decided to boast, "I know a lot about love cause I?ve watched a lot of it on tele and at the movies."

    I laughed before conceding to youth, "Okay, as long as you know what you are doing, great! Now best eat up and get on with our shopping."

    Chang wolfed down his food as he hurried out after an already finished Ben.

 

    Back at the hotel in the bar area you could clearly hear raised voices?

    "No way man!"

    "Come on Clive, what have you got to lose?"

    "Look Miss Sharon, Gordon, I?ve not played for years."

    "Yeah, but once you have learned I understand that you never forget. It?s just like riding a bus!" Sharon came out with while defending her right to ask this man to do her wishes.

    Both Gordon and Clive looked at each other then back to her again, "What?" Clive finally asked.

    "Yes luvvie, what are you on about?"

    Sharon rolled her eyes slowly as she went into explaining mode. "Well, you wait for the doors to open and then you step up, tell the driver where you want to go. He tells you how much and you pay him. You then find a seat and sit down, or if it?s a bus with a conductor on you first sit down before waiting for the guy to come along and ask you where you would like to go. Either way you never forget how to ride a bus." This was all done as she was pushing her two index fingers together and rolling them around each other and to top it off she finished with a nervous giggle.

    Gordon lowered his glasses to look at this fine lady over the top of them, feeling he had to say just this, "That?s all good and fine Luvvie, but you meant to say that it?s just like riding a bike."

    "Yes okay! I meant that and the bus thing came out instead. Are you both happy now?" As they watched her go off and take a swipe at the table décor they were all sat or stood by.

    Gordon knew the stresses involved in running a big show like this. He reasoned with one stubborn Clive, "So you see Clive, you can never forget as we both know you have played the piano since youth."

    The spotlight was back on him and he had to confess... "I know how to play the darn thing, it?s not that...it?s my hands. I get the real bad shakes and this will affect the way in which I play. I struggle even to put a few notes together before my hands dance by themselves across the keyboard like a drunk on a dance floor."

    Shaz stopped pacing, placing both hands firmly down upon the table making the toppled flower décor wobble just a little, like her voice was in this pleading way. "Look, I?m in dire straights here. I have my opening evening coming up fast and I really need someone who can play the piano. I require your help Clive, do I have to get down on my knees and beg?"

    He could see the desperation written upon her young face. It was sure different now. After all, at the beginning when she had just got this place she wanted him long gone. If he had done so, she would be right up the creek without a paddle. He really thought about letting her beg on the floor, then again her husband had given him a good roof over his head and she had let him drive and work in the van.

    Sighing he finally gave his answer, "Okay lady, I will try to stop the shakes, but I am going to require a lot of practice."

    "Take this room and have it yourself for the rest of the day, oh and thanks." The smile upon her face let him know exactly how she felt at his help. To Clive the sincerity in which it was implied made him decide to give it his all. He felt at home here amongst family.

 

    The market in town was as busy as usual. Chang and Ben had just purchased a few metres of lighting cable from off a stall.

    "So man, is that it? We finished?

    "I think we are."

    "Good, lets get out of this crowd."

    Both walked away from the stall and towards the less busy end of the market. They paid little attention to the smaller stalls until one caught Ben?s eye. Chang carried on oblivious that the man had stopped. The stall was in fact a small what looked to be like a couple of decorating tables placed end to end. The boxes were all hand carved and very intricate in detail. Finally Chang realised he was talking to no one and hurried back to where the old man had stopped.

    "Gee man, thanks for warning me about your sudden desire to look at a few crappy boxes. I was halfway up the road before I realised you had stopped."

    "Sorry."

    Chang observed Ben was deeply engrossed in these small casket looking things. "What?s so special about these?"

    "They are all hand crafted, not like the machine crap you get mass imported from Vietnam or China."

    "So?"

    "They are beautiful, just look at the detail in craftsmanship." Ben looked over at the old guy, "How much?"

    The old man with the clearest bluest eyes Ben had ever seen answered and Ben paid up.

    "Thank you, you are my first customer today."

    "What? I thought people would be falling over themselves to get these."

    "What these old smelly boxes?" Chang replied not really caring if the old toad who made them got offended.

    "You see exactly why I don?t sell many. You youngsters don?t appreciate the fact that one of these takes me many days of hard work and concentration. A box your friend is holding takes days of intricate carving to highlight the beauty in the wood. All my life I have been making items out of wood. I used to have my own business until the rent and rates made it impossible to pay them. All I have left is this stool and the occasional person who sees the quality and time taken to make one of these. It is a fight even to keep this stool running and a roof over my head. It?s down to young people and their lack of education in hand craft and lack of patience. Young ones today are full of computer games and crap instant food!"

    Chang shrugged his shoulders and made a rude comment in the old gits direction, while Ben held this small box sky high and announced, "Then we will have to educate the dumb in this place!"

    Chang was caught off the hop here, "Who?"

    "The people in this market place. Here give me a couple of those little ones and you Chang take those two and go and talk to ones loitering on that public seat by the pub."

    The old man looked concerned, "What are you going to do again?"

    Ben with eyes wide looked over and answered, "We are going to shed a little light on this be darkened little market." Then off he went with Chang in tow protesting about having to sell crappy boxes which looked like mini coffins.

 

    Back at the Coffee Club Clive was hitting all the keys, just in the wrong order. The harder he tried the worse it sounded.

    Chang  was amazed at just how many they had sold and just in a short time Ben had created an interest in the old guy?s stall, not only that, but the many he had got for him. He had to admit it, Ben had the gift of the gab and could sell a pork sausage to a Jewish Rabbi, or sell a flea off a dog?s back. Chang also had to agree within himself that he had felt a strange feeling inside his chest, it was associated with doing good. Helping the old toad had given him a sense of satisfaction.

    Now they were heading back towards the tube station when from out of the crowd walking the opposite direction strolled this stunning woman and she smiled at him! and as she did the whole place lit up and he heard a rumbling from within himself which made him stop.

    Ben noted Chang stop, "What?s up with you?"

    Chang didn?t turn to face him, just stared up the road as he replied in an excited way, "You know that record you played for me by that ancient group called the Pretenders."

    "What, ?Don?t Get Me Wrong?."

    "Some of the lyrics sang about passing by a stranger and you would get thunder and lightening telling you something is in the air; the name of love."

    "Chang buddy, it?s just a song, not reality. Trust me you will know when a woman is really interested in you."

    Chang turned and grinned, "Ben I know this is it, I?m in love!"

    Ben in turn looked heavenwards, "No pal, it?s just a simple thunder storm. Come on lets get to the station before it pours with rain."

    "Are you sure it ain?t like that record?"

    "You are welcome to stand there and find out, as for me I?m heading for cover."

    Just as the shorter guy had said this, the rain started to fall. Chang looked down the road at the girl who was now hurrying away into the distance. As he took his eyes off her and looked to the sky he saw his lightening as is it streaked across the dark grey heavens along with the raw sound of thunder. As the rain fell harder he had to admit, "Ah, I think he?s right."

 

    Out the back of the club actually in the large kitchen area, stood one of the dinner tables and standing a few yards away the three Bob?s, Sam the accident prone girl along with miss Lampshade.

    "Now then, we have got the basics. Now to put them into practice. Everyone are you ready to lay this table?" Tiffany asked as she held in hand her stopwatch. This was the slowest group in training, hence extra lessons required.

    "Yes!" Replied all three Bob?s.

    "Are you ready Samantha?"

    "Yes miss Lampshade," Sam replied feeling on edge about all of this.

    "Okay. On your marks, get set?" She was just about to say go, when all of a sudden a strange noise could be heard belting the ear drums.

    "Don?t fly ooh me Argentona." It was awful, someone was trying to sing but it was all up and down with little tone and as for the lyrics? Forget it! There wasn?t any that were matching the original Andrew Lloyd Webber?s song. "The la, la, la, la, la ,la. All monie wilding?s, my la, la, exterminance."

    Tiffany reached the limit of her tolerance for this kind of torture. She had to stop her singing nemeses. "Excuse me Bernardo, would you mind just shutting the hell up! We are trying to work here."

    The chef looked at her all confused like as he thought over those strange sounding English words in his head. Smiling he said, "Okay," before carrying on doing exactly what he?d been doing previously, in other words, singing badly.

    Tiffany possessed little care for violence of any sort before, but this guy had pushed her to her limit. Picking up a silver spoon from the serving trolley which was acting as a temporary base for the laying of the table, she raised it and was just about to hurl it when Bernardo?s translator came in.

    Colin saw the angle of trajectory of the spoon and raised his hands to the girl, "Do I sense a problem here?" His green eyes rested upon the angry lady, only to have a pair of angry ones burn back.

    "Yes! Tell your stupid man that if he doesn?t stop singing badly, this spoon is going to be shoved up somewhere where the sun never shines!"

    The three Bob?s gasped in horror as they had never heard a woman speak like this before, not from the mouth anyway as they had said in their interview. From now on they would fear the girl with the fire on her tongue.

    Colin hurriedly spoke to Bernardo who in turn stopped singing and replied in his mumbled way. Colin translated. "Bernardo says he is sorry for disturbing your training session." Then Bernardo bent over and pointed to his backside before walking out. "He also says he will stay clear of the kitchen until you have finished, for fear of having a silver dessert spoon shoved up his backside." With nothing else to say, Colin too nodded and hurried out of there.

    "Now people. Are we ready?" Tiffany asked as she turned her attention back to her crew. They all stood to attention and answered, "Yes mam!"

    "Ur, guy?s, miss Lampshade will suffice."

    "Sorry mam, miss Lampshade."

    It was nice to have respect and it would be nice if they got this right. Looking at the trouble maker she asked her again, "Sam are you ready?"

    "Yes miss Lampshade."

    Tiffany felt happy now, after all it had been hard in the past. Training as a silver service waitress was very trying, but she prided herself and won many awards for her excellence and won positions in high class restaurants. Then again, many had resented her desire to better herself and the drive to run the show. Sexism was still rife and not just the men, other women had resented her ambition. In the end she had to go. Here was different. Miss Sharon and her husband respected her knowledge and had let her get on with the training of the restaurant crew. She felt happy and as a small smile crept over her face a ray of sunlight burst through the clouds and shone upon her face. The storm inside was over, here she had found for now a little peace.

    "Okay," She said as she placed her finger upon the start button of the stopwatch. "Ready?go!"

    As the word slipped from her mouth, Bob ?A? took a white table cloth and placed it onto the table while Bob ?B? followed round with place mats. Bob ?C? had the coasters. Then Bob ?A? took the Knives, Bob ?B? the forks and Bobby ?C? the dessert spoons all the while Sam was fumbling with the wine glasses just ready to go to work. They were doing just dandy till Sam went the wrong way round the table and ran into Bob ?B,? the forks along with some nice wine glasses went down. On the way to the cold floor Sam grabbed for the table cloth pulling the entire contents upon her and Bobby ?B?. The other two just looked on as the table cloth covered over the culprit and the guy she had tangled with.

    After pulling the cloth off, Sam looked up at Miss Lampshade and apologised, "I?m sorry miss Lampshade, I was nervous at having to wait so long before doing something that I went the wrong way. I hope you are not so angry as to shove a spoon up my backside."

    Tiffany didn?t say a word just rubbed her eyes in frustration, then turning round she ordered the group to pick up this mess and start again.

 

    Ben and Chang found themselves waiting for the tube to come in taking them home. Sadly it had been delayed somewhere down the line, which as I am told often happens on the Northern Line. The man over the loud speaker said this one was due to technical problems.

    So here Ben stood on this platform with nothing better to do than stare at the adverts on the other side of the tunnel along with everyone else. All were slowly getting more irritated with the silence. The businessmen were constantly looking at their watches or running up an expensive bill on their mobile phones. Ben stood behind a man who was reading The Financial Times. The lingo lost him, reaching into his pocket he found a packet of mints.

    "Want a mint?"

    Chang grinned, "sure why not."

    Ben placed his right thumb nail between the two mints intending to ease the top one free only to see the stupid thing launch itself way up into the air and land with precision onto the heavy starched collar of the suit reading the big coloured newspaper. It just sat there, not moving!

    "Great shot!"

    "Shhhh! Not too loud Chang. Now if I?m careful I can get it before it slips down.

    It was obvious to the two that this businessman was so engrossed in his paper that he wasn?t going to feel a thing. Even so, Chang felt the need to say, "You ain?t going to get it, just leave it well alone."

    "I have to try."

    "Why?"

    Ben frowned before stating the obvious, "Can?t waste a     perfectly good mint."

    Before Chang could protest further his work buddy moved into action. He watched with a strange fascination mixed with dread which compelled him to remain fixed with expectation as to what was going to happen. He watched Ben move on up and with his fingers he reached out to pick the mint from off the collar and was almost there, until the man looked down to check that his briefcase was still present. In a split second the mint slipped between the collar and the suit?s neck.

    "Blast! Now what can I do?"

    "I don?t know. You could tell him."

    "Nah, got a pen on you?"

    "Yeah," Chang said as he handed the guy a pen, then felt the need to ask, "What do you need that for?"

    "I?m going to lever it out."

    "You?ll never do it man."

    Ben chose to ignore the pessimist. Slowly moving the pen into position, all he had to do was place the biro by the side of the mint the next time the guy looks down at his case. He decided to give the case a little kick to aid the procedure only to find that the man noted the foot moving to kick his case and turned swiftly round to find a pen pointing at his nose.

    "What the hell are you doing?"

    "Tell him man," Chang said trying to aid his friend out of a sticky situation.

    "I was?well we were?"

    "Yes, yes, now out with it man."

         Ben felt honesty to be the best policy..."I was wondering if we might be allowed to do the crossword in your paper." Then looking at the outstretched pen he said, "I have a pen!"

    "There is no blasted crossword in my paper!"

    The man was shouting and this was drawing the attention of many. Ben decided that Chang was right here. "Okay, I was attempting to get a mint out of your shirt, it?s in your collar."

    "What? You are a blithering idiot man. Tell the truth or I?m going to call the police."

    Chang decided to intervene, "Look, we just like you and were wondering if you were interested in a threesome round at my flat. Yes we are gay just like you."

    The man went a shade too pale before stammering, "I?m not that kind of man... how dare you!" Before hurrying away from them and shouting out, "Perverts!"

    With the space vacated for just under a second they breathed a sigh of relief before a young attractive looking lady filled it. Looking at them both she inquired, "What?s up with him?"

    "Oh, he just didn?t like the mints I was offering around."

    "What type?"

    Chang jumped in with, "Extra strong."

    Eyeing him up and down she said, "I love my men extra strong, may I?"

    Ben held out the mints and she took one from the pack, seductively placing it upon her tongue.

    Chang leaned over and whispered into Ben?s ear, "I?m definitely getting good vibrations off of this babe! Just like those Beach Boys sang about."

    "Sorry Chang. The only vibrations you are feeling is coming from the tube train which has just pulled into the station." Then pointing down to the ladies finger he added, "She?s married, just having fun at our expense."

    "Oh," Chang mumbled as he noted the girl walk away with a free mint and a joke at his expense.

 

    When home, they walked in through the back entrance and found themselves face to face with four people laying out a table in a hurry along with one who seemed to be timing them.

    "Yo! Lampshade, what?s going down?"

    "Shhh!" Chang got to his chagrin. Then as he was thinking of laying down the law the four shouted out that they had finished.

    Tiffany peered at the table before looking at her stopwatch and for the second time today she allowed a small smile to sneak out.

    "That?s very good people. Forty four point six seconds, now if we can get it down to forty, we can have the whole placed decked out within an hour. Let?s give it another try." She heard a sigh from the team before she addressed that Chang bloke. "The answer to your initial question mister Chang is that we are doing far better." Tiffany did this ignoring the fact that she should address him to his face, instead she carried on looking at her team.

    Ben tugged on Chang?s arm and led him through to the dining area where to his surprise Clive was playing the piano.

    "Yo! Clive what?s going down?" Chang asked only to get the same reply as Tiffany gave him which was, "Shhh!"

    This time Ben came out with, "What?s up with everybody today?"

    Chang nudged him. "Maybe you should try and ask a more direct question."

    "Oh, okay. Clive, I thought you couldn?t play the piano?"

    "Okay, okay! Thanks a bunch. Look I know it?s awful. I?m doing the best I can, it?s not my fault, it?s these!" The older man exclaimed as he held up his shaking hands.

    "Nice fingernails."

    "Shut it Chang."

    "Gee, I was only trying to help, I could help by turning you into a concrete pillar."

    "Okay guys, that?s enough!" Ben intervened. "Chang go and do something, take a break please, while I talk to Clive in private."

    Chang felt the old man rise to the surface just for a few seconds, wanting to inflict violence upon them both, suddenly he found an inner calm. "Alright, I?m on a break. Is it okay if I kick a wall or something on my way out?"

    "Sure, just make it a solid one, like the one in the garden area." Ben watched the man go away and now turned to address his other friend. "Now Clive buddy, lay it on me?"

    "Your wife needs a pianist. So here I am, only the problem is I cannot play. I can?t stop my hands from shaking."

    "I see. Is this the music book you are playing from?" Ben asked as he picked up the heavy looking thing.

    "Yeah, but how is closing it up solving my problem?"

    "Well, like this!" Wham came down the heavy book onto Clives? hands with such force that they in turn smacked the keys on the piano playing a kind of scary tune of doom. The epitaph was a load of cursing from our coloured friend.

    "You son of an ouch, why you ahh! I?m going to?" Then as he looked at his red fingers he noted something strange... "the shakes have gone!" The shock had made his hands stable, a weird but very good cure. He sat back down opened the book and played very beautiful music with his new found finger ability.

    Both men were having a good time until Sharon came rushing in. "Excuse me rushing in but I am your wife and you should be getting ready for this shop workers dinner meeting thingy."

    Ben looked at his watch, it said six thirty, he?d lost two hours to Clive?s music. He had to be at this shop thingy by half seven. Which meant, "I have thirty minutes to get ready!" He vacated the room at high speed to get ready to do something he didn?t really want to go to. Another sacrifice for his love.

 

    They made it just in time and as they ran through the short corridor they both burst through into the main room. Many looked round at them in a state of shock, or surprise. They weren?t the only ones, as Ben and Sharon felt surprise to find that it was an old hall which looked like it had been converted from an old church; all stone and rafters.

    "It?s not very big is it? My old village hall was bigger than this place."

    Shaz nodded in agreement, "My club would dwarf this place ten to one."

    "Too right, oh no, here comes the judge."

    Sharon didn?t recognise the man without his wig on as he hurried over and managed to miss seeing a chair and fell head over heels slapping hard on the old polished wooden floor. Mind you, he bounced back up with the elasticity of a rubber ball to finish his obstacle race and meet the prize guys.

    "Glad you both could come!" He almost bellowed as he took their hands giving them a perfuse shake. "I really thought it was going to be a no show, glad to see I was wrong."

    Sharon hadn?t realised this before, now she got a closer look, she found his hair was actually ginger and there wasn?t much of it. To her he looked much like Captain Mannering from Dad?s Army. No wonder the guy wore a wig in court. It made him look a little less of a berk than he did at present.

    "So what do I do Judge Emerson?"

    "You will follow me and mister Grimm up to the platform. I will introduce you as our latest member. I will give you a few items to read out loud and that will be all."

    "Okay, sounds cool to me." Ben replied as he was dragged off while Sharon found a seat. Ben was re-introduced to mister Grimm who was a little taller than Emerson. He was very thin with jet black straight cut hair and had small silver rimmed glasses. This was in contrast to a rather plump Emerson who looked like a ripe turkey ready for Christmas plucking.

    There was a lot of noise as people sat around chatting until Emerson took to the stage standing in front of the microphone, trying to avoid knocking it over with his belly.

    "Gentlemen and ladies I welcome you to the S.W.U?s half year meeting. Tonight we have the overview of the past six months and the minutes from the past meeting. We will get to hear about our plans for the future. Don?t forget there are refreshments on tap from the bar and later we have line-dancing." There was a muted cheer over the free booze and deadly silence over the line-dancing." No surprise there as this was his favourite pastime. "Without further a do, I would like to invite our newest member Ben and his wife Sharon, though only Ben is present upon the platform." The guy grinned before feeling he had to add a little more information as others in the audience were frowning profusely, "They own the Coffee Club in Rochester Street which has it?s grand opening tomorrow evening!"

    Suddenly there was a massive round of applause with many turning round and clapping at Sharon. Ben on the other hand was literally pushed onto the stage by that odd looking Grimm fellow. As he walked on, another chap thrust a load of A4 paper into his hands. Walking slowly over to the microphone balanced upon a small metal holder he faced a beaming Judge,

    "Sock it to them brother." What was meant by this statement Ben hadn?t a clue. He would have time later to ponder over those few words as he faced this larger that life audience. Why was it, when you stood in front of a crowd of people to speak there always seems to be tons more than before you walked up to address them?

    As Sharon sat down she suddenly felt a cold chill run down her spine as a late arrival had entered through the double doors. He sat at the back surrounded by six heavies, yes he was exactly as Chang had described him. Chino had arrived.

    Ben waited for the smart looking dude to sit down at the back before he made the mistake of clearing his throat making the microphone squeal in protest.

    "Crying out loud!" Shouted Grimm in protest of the high pitched invasion of noise hitting his hearing aid.

    "Sorry, had a frog in my throat, rivet." No the joke was lost as a bush reed shot through the building, everyone just stared at him. Getting down to business Ben looked at the first line of the paper. "I am immensely proud to be part of your organisation, one built up by your very hard work and earnest effort. I?d again like to thank you for allowing my wife and I to join your organisation." He looked at Grimm, "Nice words, you wrote these. Fantastic effort, makes me sound normal." One solitary stray laugh fired off allowing the silence to be broken for a second before it claimed back it?s spot.

    He strayed just a little from the black ink document, "As you know it is Sharon and mine?s opening night, tomorrow night and we have an excellent menu and an extensive bar. So, if you haven?t booked then see Sharon my wife afterwards and she will be glad to accept your reservation. Plus we are giving you an extra twenty percent off your bill tomorrow night only!" He smiled as he heard a few rumbles of interest going round. "Now onto the details of your last meeting which are printed in front of me."

    As Ben started to rattle off every boring detail of the last meeting while Chino watched him like a hawk. One of his lackeys moved over to ask, "Is this the threat Boss?"

    "Yes, it is our threat."

    The guy frowned before giving his valued opinion, "He don?t look much of one to me."

    Chino nodded, then again he didn?t look like one. Then again looks in his profession were always deceptive. He chose these next words in reply, "My dear Tony. He could well be a wolf in sheeps clothing. If he wins the respect of this tough crowd he is our wolf, if he fails?"

    "He?s a fraud and a waste of time."

    "Exactly. Let?s listen to our sheep and see what?s underneath that cute exterior."

    "Now we come to a sad note. I?m sure many of you were familiar with a man called Ernie Simmons. Well apparently, he had a nasty accident. He was run over?no way! How can you get run over by one of those? How could Ernie get run over by a steamroller?" Again silence prevailed as he found a few trying not to snigger. Still a man of his profession never lets a humorous event take the place of a sombre occasion. So reading the important part first. "As you may all know, Ernie ran a flat rental business. So naturally his funeral service will be held at one of his blocks of flats. The Broadhurst at eleven thirty next Friday."

    As Sharon looked on she noted something up with her husband. He had a glint in his eyes, one which spelt out that he was going to say something naughty, probably a rude joke on the dead guy?s expense. As he opened his grinning mouth she felt the need to say to herself, "Oh no, here it comes."

    Now to more light-hearted ways... "Guys, you know when he got run over, do you think he was going to see one of his flat mates?"

    A few more ripples of laughter wafted through the hall as Sharon?s own husband burst out laughing at his own sick jokes.

    "Oh I?m sorry! I know I shouldn?t, after all the poor guy must have had all the life squeezed out of him!" He laughed even more as a large lady started to shake with laughter and that was the poor man?s widow! "Maybe he didn?t see the steamroller because he was a little pressed for time. Haah, haaah, ha, ha, haah!"

    Ben?s infectious laughter kicked off even more of the audience until nearly all were giggling with this guy?s stupid jokes. Judge Emerson was angry, how could this man turn a sad man?s death into a humorous event? He decided to get things back on a more serious note and moved out with purpose to grab back the microphone, only for the younger man to be quicker and take it back from him. He started to speak again!

    "Maybe Ernie was caught a little flat footed! Ahh, ha, ha, ha?Or maybe he was thinking about the National Lottery, after all it is a rollover week!"

    The Judge managed to compose himself for his next attack and succeeded in snatching the microphone away only for the guy to pull it back and laugh into it again. On the second attempt he managed to wrestle it away and turning sharply he headed off the platform only to trip on the wire and land face first. This got the crowd into really deep hysterics.

    Chino sat stony faced as many around him laughed including a few of his own men. When he looked their way, they saw him frowning, they stopped instantly. The only one who watched without even raising a smile was Tony who turned and said, "He does have a way with people. So boss, do you think he is a wolf?"

    "More than ever," He replied allowing the coldness in his tone to reach freezing point before standing up and deciding to leave before anymore of this comedy act made him sick.

    The rest of the evening was made up of people coming up and congratulating Shaz?s husband on his performance along with receiving invitations to tea or some other events that came along with popularity. One advantage to Ben?s fame was they sold all those spare tickets for tomorrow. The Coffee Club?s opening night would be a sold out affair for all the press to see! Now all Sharon had to worry about was everything else going smoothly, any hiccups would be bad press. The only pressing job she had to worry about was finding a chief barman, no one had come up with a suitable candidate. As she stood at this small bar she spied the bar person. He was a very round man with a dodgy straight hairline that could possibly be a wig. What stood out to her was his personality.

    Walking over Shaz sat down on a stool. She sat there for quite sometime before finally deciding to go to her next plan and wave a fifty in the air. This worked.

    "Hello there rich lady with the most?" Shaz thought he was going to stare into her eyes but instead his finishing sentence said it all, "beautiful fifty pound note I have ever seen. What can I do for you?"

    So he was a bit of a jerk, but if he could do his job well then fine. "Actually it?s what I can do for you."

    "No that is clearly what I said unless my false teeth have shifted." He moved his teeth to find the adhesive had not failed to keep them in place.

    "Gee you?re a great catch. How long have you been the barman here?"

    "Long enough to know that you have been sent by one of my mates. Look, I don?t do that kind of stuff anymore. I?m fifty plus with a corset to hold my back in place. I go red in the face just reaching down to pick up glasses."

    "What stuff?" Shaz asked realising this was the wrong question. Curiosity killed the cat along with inquisitive ladies.

    "You know!" He pointed at her and grinned.

    "No I don?t, now tell me."

    The guy leaned forward and whispered into her ear, "I don?t do those strip shows anymore and I sure ain?t giving you a private showing of my talents."

    Shaz went very red indeed as if she had just eaten a red hot chilli pepper. "I don?t want you to do that at all you repulsive little fat man! I just need a barman at my club that is all."

    Normal men would be offended by her remarks of the size kind of nature, not him. "Oh cool! I thought?well I?ve just been made redundant from my other line of work. Sure I?ll do it, better than working in this crappy joint. What?s the pay like?"

    Sharon needed to slow this tiger down! "Before we talk about pay, how good are you?"

    "I?m very good in?oh sorry you mean mixing drinks don?t you?"

    "Yes. Now make a selection of cocktails on your board. I?m an expert at fine cocktails as an old friend of mine Bill Preston told me once."

    "Okay a fine person on the cocktail front. No probs! Just mix whatever you want." The guy swallowed hard. Doing his old profession with a dodgy back would have been easier.

    "Why thank you mister Mayor. I?ll look forward to seeing you and your family tomorrow night." Ben was glad the Mayor didn?t think his comedy act too offensive.

    "You?ll see us before that."

    "I will?" He questioned as a frown crossed his brow.

    "Don?t look so worried," the tall mayor replied as he looked like a larger than life American President with his fluffy grey hair and friendly smile. "We are staying in your luxury suit along with my two daughters. It?s my wife...it?s our anniversary," He said as his spouse drew close to his side and grinned at the small skinny man. "This Sunday, so we are staying for a few days. We?ll be checking in at five, as long as it is okay with you?"

    "Sure mister Mayor." What else could he say?

    "Just call me Andrew."

    Ben grinned and excused himself whilst making a mental note to ask Shaz about this so called luxury suite. Maybe it was the honeymoon suite? He finally spied her through the row of line dancers. He almost got clothes-lined by the first row as he ducked under and dodged the next to make it to her side.

    "What?sss, thisss bum?oop?s?one."

    "A Bailey?s comet!"

    "Oh, s, soundsss?gree?okay." At least the whole room had stopped spinning and all she had was six barmen as she took a sip. "This is good shh?give the guysss one of these."

    The barman did as he was told as he poured the small group of male admirers one each. It had started off with five, now it was down to low numbers as two had been carried away by their wives. Another man and his lady friend had bailed out to be sick in the toilets, they never returned; either stuck in there or wandering home aimlessly as their brains had long since blown up. Another had collapsed and was now asleep being trampled on by the front line dancing group.

    "Hey Shaz, what the hell are you doing?"

    "Bum?bud?bin?Ben?trying out thiss man?sss cock." She stopped there before belching and continuing the sentence to Ben?s relief, "tails."

    "What for?"

    "Too see if he?ass isss good."

    Ben couldn?t make eye contact with his beloved as her eyes were almost crossed. "For what?"

    "Sssilly?you?re jealousss."

    "Eh? No! Never mind let?s just get out of here."

    "I can?t?.another load too git through."

    "Fifteen," said the barman as he pointed to the list.

    "Filth cock..er?tiles to get fru."

    "No, I think it is time for you to go to bed." As he lifted her up he gave the barman a frown before expressing his mind. "Why did you let her get into this state?"

    "She insisted on trying every cocktail."

"Why?"

    "To see if I was good enough for the job of barkeep at her restaurant."

    Ben snorted a little as he felt the weight of his girl rest upon his shoulders and as he did this the last few men sitting at the bar with his wife collapsed like dominoes in a row, leaning upon each other before falling to the floor. Stepping over them making it to the end of the bar he asked, "What?s your name?"

    "Frank."

    "Okay Frank, if you can be at the Coffee Club by one tomorrow afternoon, you can have the job of chief barman. We will discuss wages and terms then."

    Frank wasn?t going to argue about being a chief barman, so he just grinned before saying, "I?ll be there."

    Leaving Frank and Drunksville he got Sharon into the car and home. It was a night disturbed by his wife?s projectile vomiting and when she finally stopped and fell asleep she was talking about her old boyfriends and what they used to get up together or were in her dreams. Then at about five thirty he could take no more and decided to throttle her! No just checking your mind is still in this storyline and not thinking about old acquaintances or what you are going to have for your tea tomorrow.

    Ben got up, putting on a pair of jeans and a jumper he went downstairs and opened up the double doors to look up and down this dark street just lit up by a few rows of street lights. It was silent apart from a man taking his dog for a walk.

    "Slow down boy, slow down!" Ben watched with amusement as the dog was actually taking the man for a walk. Then from out of nowhere a cat appeared and was seen by the big dog who took off after it. The cat being the smarter of all the animals in this scene managed to dart behind the dog. The dog in turn did a rapid turn around wrapping it?s lead round it?s owner?s left leg. The owner lost his footing and fell backwards and was literally dragged along by the big dog as it went after the cat. Ben lost interest when the dog went round the corner with the owner screaming for help.

    Ben was going to help until he realised he had nothing on his feet and reasoned that the guy should have purchased a smaller animal. Closing the door, he went into the big dining room where he fumbled for the lights before finding them and watching as the whole room came to life. The room was ready just sat there waiting for tonight?s opening. Tiffany had done a good job with the staff. The tables were decked out in green tablecloths with matching napkins all folded neatly into crystal glasses. The cutlery was glistening along with the elegant solid silver candleholders; everything looked perfect. Inside he felt a glimmer of excitement, could this be his wife?s finest hour? Her dream was about to come true, her inner vision of what this place could be was nearly upon them.

    Ben was dragged out of his thoughts by a loud crash coming from the kitchen. Picking up one of the heavy candle sticks he hoped this might be enough to deter a thief or one of Chino?s mobsters. He cautiously moved to one of the double swing doors and opened it. Peering round he took a look about him and there was nothing at first, then a loud noise hit him like a fist to the stomach.

    "Iff you wan my booody and want my sex key, come lend me a mule!" The loud tones of one mixed up Chef trying to sing an old Rod Stewart record.

    Ben relaxed placing the candle down on the side. The mad chef said something which sounded like a greeting before continuing on with what he was doing. Ben relaxed further deciding that five forty was very early for getting the evening meal ready. So asking, "Hey Bernardo, why are you up so early?" The guy replied and as always no sense came to mind from his ramblings.

    "He says he is preparing breakfast for the staff. This is in practice for the ones he and his deputy chef will have to prepare for...the real quests."

    Coming into view from the shadows came the man who mad Bernardo?s words make sense, Colin. "Oh that?s awfully decent of him. When is breakfast?"

    "Six thirty."

    "What are we having?"

    The man looked horrified, "You are going to join us?"

    "Well I thought I?d might."

    This seemed to unnerve Colin who turned rapidly around and started jabbering away at high speed. The chef in turn dropped the whisk he was holding into a large mixing bowl splashing the contents all over himself and the work surface.

    "What?s up? Something I?ve said?"

    The young lad swallowed before choosing the right words in reply. "No, um, well yes. You see we, that is the staff figured that you and Miss Sharon would be eating at your own table. You wouldn?t wish to eat with the employees. This past week or so, we have come accustomed to the fact that you both eat separate from ourselves."

    They had been doing this for the past week and he?d not known anything about it? "You want me to miss out and sharing breakfast with you guy?s? No way, I would bestow it an honour to be included with eating at the same table as you all."

    "I?m sorry we should have asked you." The man apologised as he realised his boss had been hurt by this all. "We are accustomed to our superiors eating separate from ourselves. This has been the case with everywhere Bernardo and I have worked. That is why saying what you just said, caused shock to us."

    Ben grinned before replying, "It is something you will all have to get used to. In my mind we are all equal here and work as a team. So lets get this breakfast on the road."

    At six thirty all staff members some blurry eyed and others as fresh as a daisy made their way to the joined up tables of six long. It was not a full complement of staff as some chose to stay in bed as they were on later shifts, other of course worked here but had home lives. Today there was Bernardo and his translator, San, Clive, Tiffany, the three Bob?s, Chang and a few others including the vegetable delivery man. Everyone was chatting merrily until they saw Ben come in and take a place amongst them. Silence fell as all looked at each other.

    Chang noted many started looking his way with the same question he had, so he asked it, "What brings you down here boss?"

    "Breakfast did!" He answered this in a way to draw more questions from his team.

    "I understood you always dine upstairs." Tiffany added.

    "Not anymore."

    "You?ve had an argument with your wife, that?s why you are down here!" Chang came out with and saw many of his work colleagues squirm.

    Ben noted some murmur in agreement and seemed to relax on the understanding that this was a one off. He gestured with his open arms as he went on to elaborate, "I haven?t had an argument with my wife. All I want to do is sit down and have breakfast with my fellow staff members who I like to view as my friends. Hopefully in time they may think the same of me." This only served to agitate many, so he stood up admitting that this had been a bad idea. "Okay guys, I see I am not wanted and you prefer to have your breakfast in peace."

    Chang watched Ben get up and walk away as the table was full of faces all looking at each other. Chang stalled, "Hey Boss! What are we doing today?"

    Ben turned and pulled a half-smile, "probably fixing those damn cheap table lamps in the bedrooms."

    The Billy Joel comedian spoke up, "If you sit down near me, I can tell you some awful jokes you hate so much."

    Ben?s half-smile turned into a full one as he sat down next to the guy he had failed to get on with for a while. This had been forgotten as all raised their orange juiced filled glasses to their human boss as respect for the down to earth guy he turned out to be.

    Soon the last awful joke was over and as they started to depart Ben remembered one thing, "Oh and guy?s I took a look at our booking list last night to find that the Mayor and friends are booked in to arrive for their rooms at one."

    "Flippin heck!" Sam shouted, "I?d better get a move on." In fact they all seemed to hurry as the day dawned on another challenge. The guest rooms had to be finished.

    Ben went on upstairs and decided to load up the washing machine, while he was doing that the creature from the hurl lagoon appeared all pale faced and delicate looking.

    "Good morning Shaz," he said as bright and breezy as he could muster.

    "Don?t talk so loud."

    "Soz," Ben apologised as he picked up one of his pairs of pants and was just about to throw them into the washing machine when the love of his life spoke.

    "I have something I need to say to you."

    "Well make it as brief as possible!" He joked as he twirled one of his briefs around his right index finger looking for a laugh.

    "Ha, ha! Very funny," she mustered up as much sarcasm as she could muster with a head just waiting to explode with that earthquake erupting in her skull every time she took a step or spoke. "I want you to wear a pair of these."

    Ben frowned before asking, "What are they?"

    "Boxer shorts with our logo on them."

    He took a pair and read out the logo. "Great coffee, great place, great club, join the coffee club today." It had their phone number and website address but to Ben there was something not quite right here. "Thanks for these, but why have I got a pair of boxers with our shop logo on it? After all, am I expected to wear these outside my trousers and look stupid?"

    "No silly! I got my work uniforms printed and the guy there offered me a deal. I could have forty tee shirts with the Coffee Club logo printed, plus as an extra bonus he would do us a load of boxer shorts for free."

    "A load. Just how many constitutes a load?"

    "Forty eight all in your size."

    Ben fell onto the machine, "Forty eight in my size!" Thank goodness the machine broke his fall other wise he would have collapsed onto the forty eight logo?d boxers.

    "Sharon, I cannot wear those."

    "I don?t expect you to wear all forty eight at once."

    "No, you don?t get it. Me and boxer shorts don?t get on. You see, the last pair I purchased had the habit of disappearing up between my cheeks and rubbing other parts making those tender to the touch." As soon as he said this he could see the look of disappointment washing over her pale fragile face.

    "Oh, I see. I will just have to cut them up and use them as dusters or maybe I could tie them all together and hang myself with them."

    Oh dear, mass hysteria building up. This was something Ben couldn?t handle, not at this moment in time. Oh boy, she?s starting to cry?

    "Sharon it?s okay, that was a long time ago. Maybe it was a duff pair of shorts. Look, I will try them on." Pulling his trousers down and his pants he starts to put these things on only to be caught in the act by none other than Gordon.

    "Morning all and oh my, say hello to mister elephant man!" With that he turned round and went out shouting, "I?ll leave you both to it."

    Ben stood there with those boxer shorts round his ankles not quite knowing what to say. Sharon on the other hand who was sobering up knew exactly what to produce from her mouth. "I?d better go and see what he wants."

    All too soon she caught up with the small man who was unmistakeable with a bright orange suit, yellow socks, shirt and glasses, mixed orange and yellow tie along with mixed colour spats on his tiny feet.

    "Gordy what did you want?"

    Gordon turned round to reveal his glasses were orange on the arms, yellow round the lens with an orange nose piece. "Dear luvvy I will come back when the copulation is over. It takes pigeons about twenty seconds and by the desperate look on your husband?s face, I?d say about the same time."

    "No you misunderstand. He?s trying on a pair of boxer shorts for me. They have the shops logo on them. I?ve got about forty of them"

    Gordon gave her a look over the top of his glasses before making this comment, "Well better to be your husband than a strange man. Otherwise I would have had a few words to say."

    Sharon smiled over his concern before ushering him into her lounge. "What brings you up here?"

    "Well dear Sharon it is my last day here, my job is done. It is my sad duty having to give you my final bill. I accept all methods of payment except one."

    "What?s that?"

    "Forty pairs of boxer shorts!" This set the pair off until Sharon?s husband came walking in with tea and cakes along with one funny walk. It looked as if something was causing him grief.

    "Actually it?s forty seven minus the pair I?m wearing. Would you like to accept them all as a gift?"

    "No thanks Benny boy, I will stick to my Harrods underwear."

    Benny? Since when had he started to use that on me? Mind you, at least I don?t look like one of those fruit salad sweets we used to have when we were kids, Ben thought to himself as he tugged at the boxers as they went up his crack again.

    Gordon watched the guy battle with his underwear problem before he focussed on another item on his agenda. "Shaz honey there wouldn?t happen to be a spare table for tonight?"

    "Oh, we are fully booked."

    "Oh," he replied full of disappointment. "It?s just I wanted to show some potential clients of mine your place. Especially as the dinning room speaks volumes about my passion for my job. Then again the exterior would suffice."

    Sharon grinned, she couldn?t keep her friend in suspense and gave him the news he needed. "I maybe fully booked, but I took the liberty of saving you the best table in the house, I knew you wouldn?t want to miss out on this great evening in our history."

    Gordon jumped up. "I knew you wouldn?t let me down!" Then they both clapped their hands with excitement and proceeded to lift up their left ankles.

    "Oh brother," Ben muttered to himself as he turned to get out of there feeling a rise of the enemy between his cheeks as he did so.

    The time was eleven thirty, there about and everything was going well. Ben found himself on the first floor with a few electrical items in hand. Chang as of late was by his side. As they approached their next destination, Sam was on her hands and knees scrubbing the marble effect flooring.

    "Sam, what are you doing? We have a machine for that."

    She looked up at her boss and confessed, "um, we did."

    "What do you mean by, um, we did?"

    "Well you did but the lever that you pull up to make it go, went. I pulled it up and it snapped off in my hands. The thing only goes if you stick a screwdriver in where the lever used to be. Miss Sharon said this constituted a breach of health and safety." She then proceeded to scrub at a determined stain.

    "I can see that the machine would be classed as that."

    "No sir, Miss Sharon was referring to me."

    "Oh I see." Ben felt lost as to what to say to that. He chose to follow his original line of thought when he saw her, "So why are you scrubbing in this particular area."

    "I can answer that," Chang replied. "Because Sam here dropped a pot of ink, the hard stuff. Miss Sharon said that if she did anything else wrong she?d be out."

    "Please don?t sack me! I?m sorry I really am!" Sam implored her boss as she clutched tightly to his trouser legs in a desperate attempt to not get the push, only to discover when she removed her hands there were two water hand marks with suds upon them. "Ahh!" She screamed in horror before apologising.

    "Look, don?t worry. Trousers dry out and broken levers can be fixed. Just finish off this job and carry on preparing for our open evening.

    "Yes sir and thank you," she replied and mean?t it.

    "Just call me Ben, I ain?t and will never be a sir."

    Chang noted the look of gratitude in her eyes. She had lovely eyes, it?s just a shame she is so accident prone. He followed one awkward walking man into the next bedroom. They were working on the new switches for the bedside lamps. He watched as Ben removed the covers then stopped.

    "We should check to see if the bulb is faulty first before I strip     the whole thing.

    Chang could see the exposed switch which had one lead going into it and another coming out the other side and into the base of the lamp.

    Just then Tiffany came in. She to Chang was beautiful. A girl made of steel, a girl that wouldn?t melt into a man?s arms. This     lady possessed true grit, a babe he?d love to date.

    "Sir, I have instructed the parlour maids to run a check on the dryers. I?ve got the three Bob?s stocking up the bar. What time did you say the bar person was to arrive?"

    Ben looked at his watched and sighed, "about one o?clock."

    "I have finished all I need to do. Would you like me to handle him for you, as you are busy. I took the liberty of bringing myself up to speed on his position and pay terms."

    "When did you do that?"

    "This morning during my tea break. Miss Sharon informed me of     the recruitment and showed me the terms of his contract."

    "Okay, you can handle that for me. Oh and please just call me Ben and thank you miss Tiffany."

    "Pleasure S?Ben." She smiled before frowning as she noted that Chang was grinning at her. Feeling uneasy she hurried away.

    "What the hell are you smiling at? You don?t smile."

    Opp?s! He?d let down his guard. He had to think fast, "Oh I was thinking that we were changing a load of tiffany?s."

    "I don?t follow."

    "As in lampshades, tiffany lampshades!" He laughed then noted the girl wasn?t out of earshot as Ben cast him a wince.

    "Yeah funny Chang, real funny!" With that the girl stormed off.

    "That was a stupid thing to say," he mumbled to himself as he crouched down to place his folded arms upon the small bedside table. Still after she had left he felt a tingling sensation. "Boss, you remember that old song you played the other day, um the power of love by Frankie goes to somewhere."

    "Hollywood. Yeah I do, yeah."

    "I noticed that some of those lyrics say that love is like an energy that comes rushing in."

    "Uh, ha," Ben mumbled as he took out a fresh light bulb and gave it a little shake listening out for a rumbling element to mean this one was blown.

    "Wow! I think I?m feeling that at this moment with Tiffany."

    Ben took his eyes away from the bulb to see the chump was staring out the window in a kind of dreamy way. He had an ?out to lunch? sign printed on his face. He was also leaning upon an exposed wire which was sat on the bedside table.

    "Um, Chang. What you are actually feeling is a strong electrical current going through your body due to the fact you are leaning upon an un-covered light switch."

    Chang sat there grinning before realising what he was doing, looking down he found the problem, "Whaaaaa!"

    Ben leaned over and un-plugged the lamp just in time as his love of his life drifted in.

    "What?s up with him?"

    "Oh, he?s just had a little shock to the system." Ben felt it an ideal time to mention something, "Did you know that the Mayor is coming in about and hour and twenty odd minutes?"

    Now someone else got a shock, "What? Just over an hour? I thought he was coming at five."

    "He was, but he decided to come over early for some strange reason, say like look over your baby while it is still closed."

    "Oh my! Ouch, my head! Why is it that when you have a hangover you always end up rushing about."

    Sam was outside ear wigging and when she heard about the Mayor coming she let out a squeal of shock as she stared hard at her watch before rambling, "I must get this floor clean by at least twelve thirty. Why does time fly!" So putting the soap into the water she suddenly lost it. Her hands started to chase the thing round the bucket before finding the offending item once again. Clutching hold of the bar with both hands she yanked it from the water. "Got you now you slippery sucker!" Only to find as the words slipped from her mouth so did the soap as it shot across the floor just as Miss Sharon stepped out from the room she was in.

    Moments like this can seem an eternity when you know what is about to happen. Still Sharon had stepped out and straight onto the slippery bar of floor soap and before long the floor beckoned the woman. With a smack onto the floor the owner of the great Coffee Club laid there motionless.

    Sam ran on over to where her employer lay. "Oh no! What have I done? I?ve killed Miss Sharon." There was nothing just a vacant stare from her boss. "It was an accident, the soap slipped from my hands and I?ve killed her."

    Just then Sharon?s world came back as she blinked before focussing on the hapless girl. "I?m not dead and to prove it my hands are not going to let go of your ruddy neck!"

    Sam was almost in tears as one pair of hands started to throttle her. All she could gurgle out was "urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." Trust me that is all you can say when being throttled, I know from experience. Then Miss Sharon just stopped!

    "Hold on. My headache, it?s gone. What a unique cure for a hangover! Thanks Sam. Can you help me up?"

    Sam did as she was told before watching in bewilderment as one elegant lady hobbled off downstairs grinning away. Had her boss gone crazy? Had she sent her that way? This was another great line to go into her CV. Expert in sending innocent former brilliant people crazy and hobbling off to the padded cell.

    Downstairs Shaz called everyone together. "Right everyone, I want this place shipshape and Bristol fashion by five to twelve!"

    The three Bob?s didn?t understand what Bristol had to do with it, but the rest of the sentence they understood as they unitedly replied, "It?s all done Miss Sharon."

    "What?" Shaz felt caught out here.

    "Miss Sharon, we have all worked if I dare to say, exceptionally hard this morning to make sure that your Coffee Club is ready for the Mayors? arrival at one thrity about." Miss Lampshade stood proud at the fact and her voice amplified this.

    "Oh, okay. Well feel free to take a break, just be ready for the mayor?s arrival." But there was still something nagging her mind before it finally came forward to present itself. Pulling out her wet soapy notebook she found her answer. "Blast! The mayor wants the luxury suite and that it had been left out of the agenda for today.

    "We?ve forgot to clean up the luxury suite!"

    Miss Lampshade heard Sharon?s voice. Turning to the three Bob?s who had just poured themselves a cup of coffee as she addressed them, "Sorry lads, looks like we are needed. Up and Adam!"

    The three Bob?s were good workers and never complained about anything. They placed down their cups and replied in their broad Devonshire accents, "Yes mam."

    Sharon in turn ran out to the lift with her loyal crew falling into step behind her. "I will get my husband, you all go on up."

    Shaz ran past Sam and on to the room her husband had moved in to but as she went to stop she found she couldn?t do so. The floor was still wet and her leather soled shoes were of little use here. Sliding past the door much like a large lorry about to jacknife she tried to grab hold of the second entranceway managing to stop herself from going any further down the hall. Doing best to stay calm she called out to her husband, "Honey I need your help."

    Ben didn?t hesitate to get up from his place and come on out, "What can I do for you love?"

    "We have to clean out the luxury suite."

    "The what?"

    "No time to explain, come on." Then just as she said this, her feet gave way with one leg going forward and one backwards followed by a loud cracking sound as like the Titanic she slowly went down at first before sinking rapidly to the floor. In layman?s terms she had accomplished a life-long ambition, to finally do the splits.

    All red faced she was, when Ben and Chang rushed over to help her out. "I haven?t attempted this manover since junior school, whuur." She made it back up and as she walked in some pain down the hall she heard the high pitched apologising by that trouble zone of a girl. Turning sharply Shaz just chose to say, "Shut it Sam. Just follow me."

    Ben in turn chose to let Chang carry on with the new switches reminding him to turn them off at the mains first. Following his wife up and past their own place of rest and up the end of the hallway to another room. He always thought this was a big storage room and never counted it as a floor for habitation. He was wrong like with most things around here.

    As his wife opened the door he was pushed into a massive room, no a big lounge with a large tan leather sofa with about four other reclining tanned leather chairs. But they were situated on a lower floor and he was standing about a metre higher up. His wife must have read his thoughts.

    It?s great isn?t it! The hallway gradually slopes upwards so we could create this vista of the whole lounge. Spectacular view. Now if we head gradually down you find a dining room by itself, then on out opposite where we came in a full size veranda."

    Ben headed out and found it to be rather large with a host of potted plants, mostly evergreens. There was room to walk about as well as fit a large patio table with chairs; all cast iron with intricate carvings on them.

    "The best views in town!" Shaz exclaimed as she beckoned her husband over while her crew tidied up.

    He took a look over and saw another grubby street which in itself wasn?t very appealing to look at. Then as he looked upwards and over past the last few roofs he found a sight that greeted his eyes with pleasure. You could see Hampstead Park in all it?s glory and this was like a green oasis is a dessert of grey round here. This sight was truly beautiful like his wife.

    "This is wonderful, just like the woman who dreamt it up."

    Shaz frowned before feeling the need to say this, "What Gordon? You haven?t gone funny on me have you?"

    "No, I?m talking about you, not some fruit salad," Ben cried out to calm his wife?s fears. As if he could love anyone else. He suddenly thought about kissing Gordon when coming in at night and shivered.

    "What?s up?"

    "Just a little chilly out here." He didn?t want to try an explain about his thought over Gordon which made him shiver once again as he followed his wife back inside as he rejoined her tour.

    "If you think this is good, wait till you get a load of the rest of this suite."

    As he walked back through to the lounge area, Ben noticed gold effect railings going round the raised area which led back to the door. There were various paintings all lit up and other lights pointed upwards to magnify the ceiling with it?s artists impression of the Coffee Club and surrounding area. Now that was amazing work! The whole thing revolved around a massive chandelier, which in itself was very flash. To the right of the patio there stood a little archway which also possessed gold carvings on it. This led to a choice of rooms. His wife made the choice.

    "I will take you to the master bedroom." Taking her husband down to the only door on the right she opened it up to show him the main bedroom.

    Directly ahead of him sat a big four poster bed all decked out in white lace bedding. To the left and right of the bed stood bedside cabinets and on the left wall were a load of built-in cabinets all with white doors and gold crests which looked like a couple of ?C?s all flash looking. The door handles if he was not mistaken were actual gold handles.

    "The three to the left are designed for the lady of the suite to put her items in while the ones on the right are for the man." Shaz opened each on up to show how much thought had gone into these cupboards.

    "What?s in the middle two?"

    "This is something very special!" She opened it up to reveal a cocktail and drinks cabinet then she pressed a button and the whole thing swivelled round to reveal a complete dressing table with a stool you just pulled out to sit on. "Now isn?t that amazing?"

    "Ur, yeah." Was really all one could say.

    "Over on the opposite wall is a large painting, then if you lay upon the bed and press this button on your remote it becomes a large television. If you press this button you can actually move the painting up and down according to your lying position. It has access to all cable and satellite stations. Has access to a host of videos we have in our library. Also you have access to all radio stations and music on MP3. The speakers are hidden about and designed to create the right ambience for whatever mood you are in."

    "And the other door?"

    Sharon took her husband through. "This is a bathroom stroke shower room."

    The same colour theme flowed through into this room with white bath with gold fixings. A separate shower room with a flash shower unit which washed other parts that Bernard couldn?t ever see let alone reach.. There was also a separate toilet, B?day and washing facilities. The bath itself was a large round one with a Jacuzzi with several massage positions. This bath held the same effect as the lounge, it was dropped below the actual floor level.

    "All the rooms are sound proofed with acoustic tiles along with the ceiling. Everything that goes on within these ramparts no one else can know about let alone hear. Again you can have music in here if you want it and the television projects through the large mirror opposite onto a steam proof glass."

    Ben shuffled his feet and looked all bashful which Sharon picked up upon straight away, "What?s up?"

    "Well," he started to press both index fingers together as he opened up his mind, "if we were having a good time ourselves next door, then no one in here can hear us can they?"

    Sharon went a little bashful herself as she replied, "No, we can make as much noise as we like, the guests could never hear us."

    Behind them there was a lot of sniggering and one of the Bob?s I think ?C? made a sound like a howling wolf and Bob ?A? shouted out, "Hubba hubba!"

    Sharon looked skywards at the intrusion as Ben fell into the bath with the shock of having their private conversation been     overheard.

    "Just get on with your work and stop earwigg?in our private discussion." Shaz shouted packing them on their way.

    "Know what they will be doing tonight then!" Bob ?A? said to his brothers as they scurried away.

    "I think they?d be too tired for that tonight!" Bob ?C? replied while his other brother came out with, "Yeah watching television till early hours would tire me out. I like to be in bed by ten." The other two just blinked at their less intelligent brother. He was alright if he was allowed about two hours prior notice on what subject they were going to talk about, but last minute stuff. Forget it!

    Ben walked round to the other rooms which were similar, only on a more smaller scale, they didn?t have big bathrooms. He watched his wife as she awaited his reply to the what do you think question.

    "I think it?s great! How come you and I get a plain flat while our guests get to live like royalty?"

    "Because lover boy they are preparing to pay out a lot of cold hard cash to live in luxury here. It will make you and I very wealthy."

    Ben scratched his head before deciding to stop doing that as his hair was definitely thinning as he got older. Still his answer to her answer was an obvious, "But we were already well off before we entered into this venture."

    Shaz had no answer, so opted for the line she used often in the past with him, "Okay, don?t split hairs."

    "Sorry."

    Just as an awkward silence threatened the day, Tiffany entered. "Sorry for the interruption mister Ben and miss Sharon."

    Ben hated being called mister Ben. It sounded to him, well stupid. It reminded him of that stupid character in a bowler hat and posh suit who used to frequent a clothing store. He used to dress up in funny clothes that no ordinary man would wear and disappear through the mirror into another world. Looney asylum would have been better suited for that sad lonely git. Hold on! Why is it that all lonely, sad pathetic, cute potentially cuddly characters are called Ben, oh apart from the rat in that song. Bill and Ben the dumb flower pot men who had just added the three Bob?s to that category. Benjamin bunny and others and of course our guy who gets off on wearing funny clothes.

    "We have prepared all the rooms, your luxury suite is ready for quests. Tomorrow I will get the chamber maids to clean up here and avoid any last minute hiccups. Oh by the way our guest the mayor if on time will be arriving in about?" Tiffany looked at her watch as time was always the essence, "three minutes and fifty three seconds."

    Sharon smiled at the girl, "Okay assemble the staff down at reception and wait for the mayor to arrive. I will change my suit as soap stains won?t look good on first impressions."

    "Miss Sharon, I will not be present as I have to help your chief barperson get acquainted with his bar as well as do an induction with him."

    Ben sniggered like a school boy at this which allowed Sharon to ask, "What?s up with you?"

    "You know the word induction sounds rude."

    "Grow up!"

    "Sorry mam," he said as he snapped himself out of his childish behaviour.

    "Yes miss Lampshade you can do the induc?introduce our barperson to the ways of the Coffee Club. I shall arrange a personal meeting with our mayor later."

    "Thank you but I will be okay, I can meet him some other time."

    When Tiffany had excused her presence from before Ben and Sharon, Ben decided to add, "As you are going to change I think I will get out of these boxer shorts!" He exclaimed as he pulled them from out of the dark side of his moon.

    "Oh no you don?t, you are wearing those to the final hour of this day."

    For the second time today, all he could say was, "Yes mam."