26.5.2009

STRANGE OPENINGS!

    STRANGE OPENINGS!

http://www.netsaga.is/media/files/Into%20the%20night.mp3
 

 

    The two large black doors opened up and a fresh red carpet un-rolled itself in spectacular fashion to stop right at the mayor?s feet as he stepped onto it. From inside Ben would be the first to greet the man and his family, followed by his nervous wife.

    "Damn, I can?t shake the mayor?s hands like this, my hands are all sweaty."

    Bernardo who was next in line muttered something in his own language and produced from under his white jacket a tea towel.

    His translator piped up, "Bernardo says you can use his personal tea towel. He always carries this when greeting important gentry and swears by it to stop sweaty hands at that important moment."

    Shaz took the towel and was just about to wipe her hands when the guy spoke up again, "He says, to stay away from the corners, that is where he cleans out the wax in his ears and in the centre he blows his nose." Sharon threw the offending item back, resisting the urge to start making sick sounds as her stomach turned.

    "Here, take my handkerchief, fresh on, no offending items."

    Sharon smiled, took her husbands handkerchief and as she did they held hands just briefly before a small man walked proudly up to her husband.

    "Hi remember me! I?m Frank your new barperson."

    Ben could see the mayor closing and chose, "Yeah."

    "Wow! Is this all for me? A red carpet, I?m so honoured!"

    Ben watched the guy offer his hand and in so doing he yanked the dude with a dodgy hair style out of the way. He landed with a crash into a flower arrangement and just in time as the mayor came up to Ben. As he introduced himself again he saw Sharon beckon for miss Lampshade to recover a misplaced work colleague.

    Sharon smiled to herself as not only did Tiffany pick the guy up and restore order, she also had rearranged the floral display better than before. That is why Sharon chose her over the rest, she was too darn good to let go.

    "No sir the pleasure is all mine as long as this club is as good as the critics say it is going to be."

    "I?m sure it won?t let you down mister Mayor. I guarantee it to be a place of constant revelations and exciting moments and talking of this, here is my wife and orchestrater of all of this magnificent vision." Okay orchestrater wasn?t a proper word, but it sounded good when Ben used it.

    "Pleased to meet you again. I trust you have sobered up well. I like a girl who can drink as much as the men. Though try to stay sober when my daughters are around. My wife?s brought them up properly and if anyone let?s the side down she will never forgive them."

    Sharon?s mouth fell open at the revelation and just shook hands before falling into step behind the man of the moment.

    "Um, mister mayor, where are your family?"

    The Mayor looked at the small chap with thinning hair, "Please call me Andrew. My loved ones will be arriving later, about five. I wanted to have a good nose around first. Go ahead and show me your club!" He strode with purpose ignoring all the line as he felt sucked in by this big place, much like scum down a plug hole.

    "Um, Andrew, aren?t you going to greet our staff?"

    "No, no. Save that for later, when the TV cameras arrive. Come, let me try one of your exotic coffees."

    Ben tapped his wife on the shoulder, "you didn?t say anything about cameras."

    "That?s because I didn?t know anything about television cameras." Shaz replied as she took out her husband?s handkerchief and started wiping off the nervous sweat from her palms on thinking about tonight.

    "Frank, this is your bar area. From here you can serve our clientele or aid our waiters, waitresses with their orders."

    "Our what beginning with the letter ?c??"

    "Our customers."

    "Got it, you mean punters."

    "The terms we use in this establishment are clientele or guests. They are not punters, they do not come here to gamble. If they wish to do so they can go down to the bookmakers." Tiffany gave him one of her stern voices she used in order to let him know that she was not going to tolerate any disorderly behaviour.

    "And there is no way I can entertain my punt?guests with a little flutter on the gee gee?s."

    "No you may not. If I find you or anyone else gambling on these premises you will be reported to miss Sharon and dismissed, is that clear?"

    "Oh the chick that nearly hurled at the do I was at last night." One evil glare told him that he was having a bad start to this job. First the red carpet mistake and now the gambling thingy. "Hey, I was only kidding about the gambling part."

    "I hope so." Tiffany stood up. "You?d better get yourself familiar with the other side of the desk. I need you more than ready for tonight. You have a staff compliment of six. I have done a rota up for you which covers breaks though I expect you to take care of this side from tomorrow on."

    "I have staff?"

    "Yes, your are the boss of the watering hole and if you come with me, I will get you a uniform."

    Frank grinned much like an idiot would as he followed the skinny bird talking to himself, "I have staff, I have a uniform. I?m in chief barkeeper?s paradise!"

    "Miss Sharon, I?ve given the new barman his orders and brief induction."

    Sharon slowed allowing her aid to take up position by her right side. "Good, could you show the Mayor round the working areas of the club."

    Tiffany didn?t really want to, but it was an order that had to be obeyed, so she just politely replied, "Of course Miss Sharon."

    "Oh, and can you free up some spare time to see me in my flat afterwards."

    "Of course Miss Sharon." This was out of the blue! being invited up to Miss Sharon?s flat was quite irregular. Had she done something wrong? Or done something right? No answers from her superior at this time as Tiffany watched her mistress walk away.

    A cold familiar voice echoed up the hallway towards her making her snap out of it. "Ah, miss Lampshade. Your lovely boss insisted that you would show me round the rest of the building."

    Spinning round Tiffany straightened up and tightened her reply, "Of course Mayor. I?d be delighted."

    "Are you sure? Still you can call me Andrew, just like old times eh Tiffany."

    "Yes of course Andrew, just like old times."

    "Surprised to see you here. I always thought you would have left London by now?"

    "No not yet. I often hoped to carry on my career here."

    "Always the career girl and always the martyr."

    Tiffany had to stop walking as they had reached the lift. "A martyr with a cause. What was done back then was done for the right reasons. You are still Mayor and I paid the price for my secrets."

    "You should have taken the pay off I offered. Could have been running a place like this now." He looked about him and found himself back round to those eyes which were cold, very cold.

    "Better not push too hard on the guilt trip, I may just ask for a favour off you yet."

    "Too late my dear. Just keep quiet, do your job and you may still keep your job here. Make waves and life could get very uncomfortable for you."

    Tiffany found cold steel behind that artificial smile. The lift doors opened and she found a way out from this conversation. "I?ll take you down to the laundry area and something you?ll like to have a look at, the wine cellar."

    Chang was having a mixed time with these flipp?in lamp     switches. He wired a few up wrong and taken another ten minutes to work out which wire went where. But now after a few tripped fuses he had worked it all out. He had just wired up another one when a voice called out to him.

    "You are Chang are you?"

    Chang in turn looked up to see the dark haired entertainer which Ben had claimed looked like a singer by the name of Billy Joel. He?d seen the guy at the breakfast table and several other times, yet never to speak to. "Yeah, your that funny comedian guy."

    "The name?s Josh for short, Sorry I ain?t acquainted myself with you yet. You know how it is trying to get everything right for the night."

    "Tell me about it."

    "Don?t mind me asking, but what brings you here?"

    "I don?t quite follow?"

    "What is it about this place that makes you tick?"

    Chang thought this through feeling not too bright on the uptake as to what exactly Josh was asking. "I wanted to see what it was like to work in a big restaurant. I wanted to gain some experience in something different."

    "What did you use to do?"

    "I worked for an express delivery company."

    Josh raised his eyebrows, "You did? I heard something different."

    Chang felt a little cold, "Like what?"

    "Like you were part of the mafia around these parts. That you are taking a break from it with a view to fleeing that type of life."

    He had to stay cool. Chang needed to watch what he was saying. For if you slip up Chang boy, you are for the jump.

    "Whoever told you that is sadly mistaken."

    "Obviously they are. Then it must be the other story, that you are still part of the mafia and spying on this bunch to see whether they pose a threat."

    When Chang felt threatened by another there was always one way out. This came in the form of launching himself towards the guy and pinning him up against the wall. With a flat head screwdriver pointing at this funny man?s chest he asked, "Who the hell are you and what do you want from me?"

    The comedian clearly didn?t find this situation funny. He managed to stammer out, "I just want to be your friend. Just a comedy man, you can find that out on my CV."

    At this point Ben came on in, finding a bad picture up against the wall. After sorting that out he found another disturbing sight, "Chang put him down! What?s going on?"

    Chang released his grip and as he did the comedian guy let out a breath he was holding. Chang had blown it, he had been a sucker, he had lost his temper and assaulted a member of the team. He was out of here. Chang was just about to prepare himself for the worst when that Josh bloke spoke up.

    "Great scene my friend! You have wonderful potential. Look, just pop by and see me if you are interested in the part." Josh slapped the man on the back in a friendly way.

    Ben wasn?t so sure about all of this, it didn?t look like an act to him. "What part?"

    "The part of Othello of course."

    Ben frowned even deeper, "But wasn?t Othello darker skinned?"

    "Hey bud it doesn?t matter what colour you are, Chang is ideal, he has that raw edgy quality which makes the show more authentic. Mind you, the play can only go on if you my fantastic boss, allow us take on such a feat."

    "I?m sure Sharon would like some culture in her club, providing it?s done properly."

    "I wouldn?t have it any other way, in fact if I may be so bold, I think we should put this show on for charity. It would be great public relations for the club."

    This is a good idea Ben thought before agreeing to it.

    Josh seeing the boss had been sold on the idea and had forgotten about the commotion winked at Chang as he left the duo.

    The doorbell rang as Shaz put the last of hot water into the tea pot. Placing the lid on she walked over to the front door which almost led right into the lounge. Opening the door she was faced not with Tiffany but big Bernard.

    "Oh, hello. What brings you up here?"

    The big man seemed agitated, he didn?t step in he just came out with, "Sorry Sharon. It?s just I?ve decided to?"

    Shaz egged him on as he seemed to choke on words here, "Come on Bernie, you can tell me. You have decided on what?"

    "I have?I have to?leave."

    This hit her hard. After all the big guy had been with them for at least six months, or was it eight now. He had only meant to have stayed for a few weeks.

    "Leave?" Was all she could get out as a question.

    "Yeah, you see I have kind of run out of money. I have to move on, get a job and make my way in this life."

    Shaz beckoned him in and as he entered she offered, "You are perfectly aware you can stay here until you find yourself a job."

    "No, I couldn?t accept that. It would be unfair on the others who have to work here for their board."

    "You could always work for me, what are you good at?"

    The big guy sat down feeling the sofa groan at his weight and his confession. "I was a salesman, a rather useless one at that. I couldn?t sell a thing. I lasted about three weeks before I was sacked. Mother was understanding, she always was. She paid for me to go on many courses, all were a failures. Book keeping, business studies, accountancy, French, Spanish and others. When it came to using them for work I crashed and burned."

    "You live with your mother?"

    "Yeah, big Bernard a mummy?s boy."

    "Can?t you go back, at least for now?"

    "No, that is impossible?for?" He got very upset as he needed to     confess, "She passed away last spring."

    Sharon felt the need to grab the pot, "Here have yourself a cuppa." She poured one out for him and heard her sofa creak under the stress of this confession. The big guy carried on talking.

    "That?s why I came down here, to get away from it all, all those memories. I sold all her possessions, all bar a gold locket which I swore on her grave I wouldn?t sell. I raised enough money to get down here and worked out that if I could find a reasonable rented place I could buy enough time to maybe find a job and start again. I never figured that time could fly by so fast. I never figured I could find a place such as this which has helped me to overcome my loss. I would just like to say thank you for allowing me to live here for so long. I?d better be off." He placed down cup onto the table and walked back towards the door. He was about to open it when the doorbell announced another visitor.

    The guy hesitated allowing Sharon got ahead of him, "Wait there while I see who it is." Even though Sharon knew who this was as a plan formed in her mind.

    "Miss Sharon you wanted to see me," Tiffany announced bodily facing a potential good or bad situation.

    It was Tiffany! Bernard could see her bright blue eyes sparkle with fiery determination that he wished he possessed.

    "Oh yes, Tiffany please step this way."

    Tiffany suddenly noticed Bernard and smiled before acknowledging him, "Hello mister Bernard Sir."

    "Hello," came his weak response.

    She noticed he was upset and decided, "I?m sorry. I?ve come at an awkward time. I?ll come back later."

    "No it?s fine. You see, Bernard was just informing me that he is planning to leave us. I on the other hand am desperate for him to stay on. He thinks he is useless, even though he has studied many languages along with accounting and other useful courses." Sharon emphasised the accounting bit to this sharp girl.

    Tiffany sensed a sudden sadness. After all, Bernard was normally such a jolly fellow. He always looked to the brighter side of things when he was around her. Now here he stood a broken man, smashed with grief because he had to leave. To her, he was always so cleaver, a man you could fire a mathematical question to and he?d have the answer without the aid of a calculator. She always thought him to be the strong type. Tiffany supposed it?s like all big people, you presume because they are well built that they are naturally strong of character on the emotional side and whatever situation arose they would handle it with ease. How wrong she had been, everyone no matter what size of stature will always need another human to look for in times of need and support. Now miss Sharon wanted them to help Bernard, what was it she said? Oh yes Sharon highlighted the accounting side of things.

    "Bernard, you cannot leave now."

    "Why not?"

    "The coffee club needs you."

    "Needs me for what?" For the life of him, he couldn?t see why this place needed a fat blob.

    Both Sharon and Tiffany looked at each other as they found the word and said it in unison, "Accounting."

    "But...but I studied that a long time ago."

    "I?m sure you can pick it up easily. After all, I?m sure it?s just like riding a bike," Sharon said feeling elated that she said bike unlike last time when she had said bus.

    "Mister Bernard Sir, please say you will stay. We all want you to stay." Tiffany focussed on those soft brown puppy dog eyes and added something that shocked even her, "I want you to stay."

    When this young ladies eyes rested upon his, he felt the blue pierce the innermost parts of his soul. He had to ask, "Sharon, I?I want to stay, if I can, please."

    Sharon ran over and hugged him as she found delightful words, "I would be thrilled to have you around."

    Bernard pulled himself round. With a more confident sounding voice he said, "Now I?ve taken up too much of your time. If you would excuse me I?d better go and unpack." He walked into the hallway, picking up his large suitcase full of all he possessed in his life he left.

    Sharon smiled at Tiffany as they observed Bernard in higher spirits now. Then as she watched him leave she found another question, "Wait up!" As he turned round to see what she wanted she asked: "When did you move to Bradford?"

    "Fifteen years ago."

    "Your mother was Mrs Hoskins, the one who used to own this place wasn?t it?"

    "What makes you think that?"

    "Because your case has the initials B.D.H. which must stand for Bernard something Hoskins."

    Bernard smiled, "I am Bernard Daniel Hoskins, son of Mrs Barbra Hoskins. My father owned this place, died of a heart attack twenty two years ago. My mother couldn?t cope and sold up fifteen years back." Then nodded with thanks before walking back down the hall.

    "What was that all about miss Sharon?"

    Shaz beckoned the younger woman to take a seat as she related the puzzle making all the pieces fit.

    "Bernard?s mother used to own this property. I guess he came down here to recapture his childhood, you know, bring back fond memories of good times long gone. Instead, he found me and Ben gutting out his old home and turning it into something new. In a way I like to think it helped him get on with his life. I believe it was a lot like me when I lost my parents."

    Tiffany looked taken aback a little as she stumbled out, "I?m sorry Miss Sharon I didn?t know."

    "Not many do, only close friends." She poured Tiffany a cuppa as she related her experience on matters. "I went back to where I lived and found many memories. Some nice, some horrid, then again I knew that unless I got away from the place and found something new, I would never move on in my heart and mind. That very sad day would linger and linger. With Ben?s help along with a few close friends believing in me and showing me the way, I am now living a more fulfilling life, something I have moved on to. I?m not saying I never loved my parents, it?s just you cannot keep on living in the past. If you do you become a recluse, and the once fond memories of your loved ones become nightmares, controlling your everyday life." Sharon took a sip of her tea and needed to add, "You cannot stay forever in the past, for if you do you will miss the glory of the future and that would be sad."

    Tiffany could comment very little to on the matter, she had both parents a little estranged she would readily admit. So she opted for another reassuring sip of this Earl grey tea and listen to her boss.

    Sharon snapped herself out of this memory maize. Her eyes rested upon Tiffany with an urgency in relating how she felt about her.

    "Miss Lampshade, I would like you to move up the ladder and take over the position of restaurant manager. I believe you have the marvellous capacity and capability to run my club in the efficient way if requires. You have guided my staff few a number of hellish weeks and come out on top. You have trained them well. I would love for you to take on this new position and I will find another to take your old one, though that will be harder than I could have ever expected." Now fixing eyes with the girl she asked, "Now what would you say to a rises in wages and responsibility?"

    So here it is! All presented to her on a silver platter, well a china cup with some Earl Grey in it. All this time it had taken her to be finally recognised for her abilities and now she was going to be offered manager. Be part of a management team. Her past flashed up before her eyes before shaking that vision of table tops away from her.

    "Yes Miss Sharon, I?d love to take on the position you are kindly offering me."

    "I thought you?d be smart enough to take the offer. Here have this small gift." Sharon reached into her pocket and pulled out a present all petite, wrapped in gold paper.

    Tiffany placed down her cup and took the present. Unwrapping it she found it to be a gold plated name badge with her name carved in black letters upon it with title of manager underneath.

    "I?ll announce your promotion to the others just before we open up those restaurant doors," Shaz said all smiles over her little gold mine she had found.

    The rest of the afternoon was taken up with constant checking that all was well and working. Bernardo the chef was busy with his crew getting the desserts just right. Frank had shown his worth by getting mastery over the bar area while looking smart in his uniform, apart from that dodgy hair line. Ben spent the afternoon checking his underwear as well as finishing off those lights with Chang.

    At this point in the afternoon Sharon used the opportunity to check out the sound equipment. Plugging in the lead she walked up to the microphone before speaking into it.

    "Fellow colleagues!" This was a little too loud causing one of the Bob?s to jump so high with shock that he knocked over a flower arrangement.

    "Sorry, this better?"

    "Yes!" The ones who could still hear responded while others cowered in the corner getting over the experience.

    "I wanted to take the opportunity to say a big thank you for your hard efforts in getting the Coffee Club ready for our big night. It will still be very hard work for all ahead and a bewildering experience for others. I have the greatest confidence in each of your abilities. With this I have an important announcement, I would like to inform you that as from this evening, Tiffany Lampshade will be promoted to restaurant manager!"

    There was rapturous applause from the Bob?s, while Frank laughed at the girl?s name and got a large frown from Bernardo along with his kitchen crew. He stopped mocking when three of the biggest chef dudes you have ever seen started playing with their knives right by his bar.

    "I?m sure with her valuable experience we can move forward with the up most efficiency. I would also like to announce that Bernard will be staying on to become our accountant and chief cashier." There was applause, not as much but still enthusiastic enough.

    Everything was calm until Sharon?s hubby came running through adjusting his boxer?s in front of all whilst shouting, "Hey to your stations, the camera?s are here and the Mayor is ready!"

    In an instant the floor was empty as everyone went to their stations and as the double doors opened it revealed a stinky night with rain and wind. Ben sighed, it was going to ruin this evening if all the guests are wet through before dining. Still the umbrellas he had purchased by the door would suffice, a little idea of his he prided himself on. He clicked his fingers and two bell boys ran out with umbrellas to aid a few of the press in from their cars. Moving over he found a small corner to hide in, there he yanked out those darn shorts! Suddenly, as his hands were down his trousers he found a flash from a few cameras and a host load of reporters asking him when the mayor was coming.

    "Can we take a look inside?" A few pushy ones asked. Before Ben had time to answer they were making their way into the most holy of Sharon?s areas before opening time.

    Just as these reporters went to go in they were stopped by two rather burly looking men who parted just enough to allow a smaller man through, it was Chang.

    "Ladies and gentlemen of the ever intrusive press core, there is plenty of time to look around after the Mayor has shown you round." Members of the media took the hint and backed down. Chang grinned at Ben, "I thought you could use a little extra help, just for security reasons that?s all."

    Ben in turn felt it weird that they were here to help, not hinder, so he felt compelled to reply in singular terms..."Thanks."

    The Mayor?s car arrived with family this time and the red carpet was rolled out onto the damp pavement. The whole place around the red carpet was filled with press and Chang?s men along with police kept the wolf pack at bay. The mayor walked along, full of himself, into the foyer where he turned sharply to address the members of the press core.

    "Ladies and gentlemen with great pleasure I pronounce this prestigious club officially open!" There was a loud applause and a few whistles. "My guests at my table will be famous ones, such as Madonna and family, Steven Spielberg, Ton Hanks and many others." Okay the speech wasn?t much of one, but the name dropping made up for it along with the brass band which came out of nowhere to play ?Singing in the Rain? which was very appropriate.

    The mayor nudged Ben, "Hope you don?t mind the brass band, nice touch don?t you think?"

    "Yeah," Ben replied as he nodded for the sign with the club?s logo to flash up at the entrance.

    The mayor himself posed for the cameras and wanted to shake everybody's hands and take the entourage through showing them everything he could remember from his brief tour earlier.

    As the press admired the big waterfall Sharon mumbled, "I thought I was the one showing these guys round?"

    "It looks like our Mayor likes the limelight. Still dear, I wouldn?t worry, you?ll have your moment with them and you will shine more brightly than he will with his fake tan."

    Sharon grinned at her husbands kind words and gave him a hug before hearing, "Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the true architect of this place, miss Sharon?"

    "Here?s your nod, go for it love," Ben whispered as he watched her leave his arms and with the most wonderful smile he had ever seen her pull, he watched with satisfaction as she went to work explaining her pride and joy over this place.

    Soon other guests were arriving, lots of celebrities that were booked in under secret names or as in the case of some, not. This amazed Sharon that they would be interested in this joint. Surely they had very high class places they would want to go to. Still it brought another smile to her face as she ran down the list of acts tonight.

    "So Josh, you will warm up the audience with a few gags before announcing Clive on the piano with Gladys and her fine vocals." Then looking round she noted a nervous Clive, "Is Gladys here yet?"

    "No mam, no show yet."

    "Ah don?t worry Sharon, she?ll turn up. I?ll just go on longer till she does. I?ve loads of new gags I wanna try."

    Sharon was just about to say something to Josh when another guy shouted to her; "The Westside Story musical team have arrived and are all present."

    "Thanks Tony, I?ll be along to see them in a minute. Hope Gladys turns up or we will be up the creek." Still with ninety-nine percent of her entertainment crew here, it was all good.

    All too soon most of the guests were shown to their tables which all were decked out to the highest degree. The lights were set on each table to suit the guests and towards the back the television screens were activated. Waiters and waitresses all hovered about just waiting for the slightest nod or raised hand demanding their attention. Frank?s dodgy hair line slipped a little as the sweat poured off his head with the sheer volume of drinks being ordered. He knew this would not always be the case as the novelty would soon wear off.

    Sharon moved onto the floor observing all things and noting Chang with some of his heavies were doing a bang up job of escorting quests to their seats. Sam along with other cloakroom girls were hanging up coats and hats while issuing cloakroom tickets to the ones who had left their outer garments behind. It was a hive of activity, even the toilets were heaving.

    "Shaz, are you sure you haven?t overbooked? This place is rather full."

    "Relax love, everyone will have a seat." She assured her husband as a gap in the crowd allowed them to speak before it was filled with a sparkling emerald green suit.

    "Hello luvvies!"

    "Gordy you came!" Shaz shouted as she hugged the small man.

    "Of course! I have the best seat in the house, well nearly. One cannot compete with mister Hanks and friends."

    "You designed all of this?" One of his extravagant friends commented. "I only thought you to be an architect."

    "No deary, an architect, interior designer and bundle of fun wrapped into one tiny small green package!"

    Ben placed a finger down his throat pretending to be sick behind the green twirp.

    "Well luvvies, I have to love you and leave you, the press awaits!" Then he was off with his dinner party in tow. They watched him as he took his party off talking about this design and that.

    "Well that?s all the guests I think. Can you go backstage and get Clive prepped and ready for his debut."

    "Sure love no probs," He replied cheerfully as he took a walk backstage and was almost flattened by a gang of thugs shouting, "Pow! Bam?.stay cool!" Before they flew past him clicking their fingers. He heard their comedian fire up the audience with his half-funny jokes. Then he spied Clive behind the curtains just sitting there with piano at fingers.

    "Yo! Clive me main man, what?s happening dude?"

    He spoke through clenched teeth, "It?s a no go man."

    "Why?"

    "You know damn well why."

    "Oh, I see. Got your book?"

    "Don?t need one, they are all stored up here in my noggin." He pointed to his head and showed his shaking hands.

    Just as the comedian seemed to be winding up Ben had a flash of inspiration, "Place your fingers down on the keys."

    "I?ll have a job as they are shaking, earthquakes are less traumatic than this."

    "Eh? Never mind, just stay calm and don?t scream."

    "Why?" Was the wrong question to ask as the piano lid came down with such force it made him scream really loudly.

    "Wow what a scream of anticipation from our pianist!" Joked Josh as the curtains parted to reveal Ben and co. "Without further ado lets listen to some classic works from our in-house pianist Clive!"

    As the claps subsided Ben chose the time to ask his friend, "Are you okay to play now?"

    Clive pulled his fingers out from under the lid and wiggled them. "Yeah bro ready as ever!" He started playing as a hush fell over the audience and the music flowed like ice cold beer down a thirsty workman?s throat.

    Out the back things were not going as smoothly as Shaz wanted them to be.

    "She hasn?t turned up?"

    "Nope, she ain?t and I?m going to have problems Miss     Sharon in filling this slot, it will put all the others out and your finale will be ruined."

    Shaz glared at John who took a half-step back, "No. We shall not ruin my finale. I will find a singer even if I have to go out there myself."

    Chang had done everything he needed and now found himself at a loss as to what to do. Walking over to the bar he spied Ben and asks, "Boss, what can I do now?"

    Ben jumped and cursed a little at the disturbance but managed to only spill a little of his cocktail. "You looking for something else to do? What is up with you?"

    "Look man, I?m enjoying myself, don?t spoil the moment."

    Ben observed the light humour in his buddies eyes. "Okay, okay I won?t spoil your fun. Why don?t you go on into the kitchen and see if they require any help in there."

    "Sure boss!" Chang was in his element as he almost ran over towards the kitchen, only to be surrounded by big men, one placed a gun against his back.

    "Mister Chino wants you to report in."

    Chang looked at the dude holding the shooter and replied in a calm way as one can muster when faced with a deadly weapon. "Tell my father I will report in tomorrow, after I have checked out what?s going on in the kitchen area."

    In an instant the heavies dispersed and Chang held freedom in his hands at least for this night. He headed over to the double swing doors and was just about to go on through when the door flew open and into his face knocking him to the floor allowing the world to spin around him.

    The next thing he remembers is sitting in a chair with a cold tea towel pressed up against his bleeding nose.

    "I?m so sorry!" A voice calls out to his consciousness, "I just didn?t see you. I was in full flight." As he opened his eyes, Chang saw who the hell it was. Sam.

    "You were coming out of the in door, just how stupid can you get!" He shouted feeling anger flowing through his veins making his nose throb even more.

    "I said I am sorry, does it hurt?" Sam asked as she went to take a look and found red eyes of rage and a voice bark at her once again.

    "Of course it hurts! Are you stupid of some?in? You must be pretty thick to keep on doing nutty things. If you were a man I?d smash you in the face and see how you like being hurt by a stupid bimbo!"

    Everyone in the kitchen stopped and watched as Sam burst into tears before shouting. "Good job I ain?t a man. I would have hit you with that door a lot harder than I did!" before running out of there.

    "Good riddens you looney bimbo with no brain." Staring at the others he shouted, "Get on with your work and someone get another tea towel with some ice in it!"

    Outside in the main dining area Chino sat. He had watched in silence as his men reminded Chang that it was time for his report. Deep down in the pit of his stomach Chino felt numb. It was that strange feeling he always got when one of his loyal family decided they were to fly the roost. Of course this was out of the question, unless of course you wanted to prop up a concrete building somewhere. He watched as the waiting staff buzzed round the guests a lot like flies round dung. He noted the unique tables which were a half-moon shape. Designed with conversation and entertainment in mind. These saps wanted to talk at their leisure along with watching the show at the same time. It amazed him how some of these apes could do both. They were rich on fame or some daddy had given them their own personal fortune. None had to work hard to build up an empire like he had. He liked the décor and he quite liked the chap who had done it. Maybe he should force the gay looking guy to come on over and re-design his place sometime? As he thought this, he became aware of a man sitting on the next table, he was coughing in an annoying way.

    "Do you want something, or are you just out to annoy me?"

    The guy looked embarrassed, "Sorry, my throat. I?ve picked up an frustrating tickle, sorry."

    At the same time one of his guys by the name of Bob leaned forward, "What?s up boss? Trouble?"

    "Just a man with an annoying cough," Chino replied as his man went to work reaching slowly into his pocket and pulling out a silver?packet of cough sweets.

    "Here, take one of these, always helps me when I have a tickly throat."

    Chino snorted, not knowing whether to laugh or get angry. Then again, Bob was always trying to help. He had a good heart, shame he was so good at taking other peoples. Still Chino liked that about the guy, friendly but deadly. For now he just hoped he could carry on listening to that wonderful pianist.

    Sharon was at her wits end as her prize singer had not turned up. There was little choice but to go to her plan ?B?.

    "Do you want me to do another hour of comedy? I may have enough gags left," said the Billy Joel look-alike as he fumbled around his desk.

    Shaz took a deep breath before exhaling it with, "No plan ?b?."

    "You sure?"

    "Quite sure."

    "Okay, you asked for it, I?ll send your husband on and he ain?t going to be too pleased about what he has to do."

    "She? wants me to do what?" Ben swallowed hard as the news came through. He had little choice of course, as this would mean going against his wife?s wishes and potentially ruining the opening night. Walking up to Clive as he neared the end of a mammoth playing time and said, "Stop playing after this one, I have to do something."

    "Do what?" Clive whispered as he came to the finale.

    "Save my wife?s butt." The music stopped he walked to where a microphone had been placed for him, he resisted the urge to tug at those boxers. Taking a deep breath, allowing time to let all in here stop talking he shouted out, "Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the Coffee Club!"

    There turned out to be a rather large applause back which seemed to go on for ages. He let it die a little before coming out with, "Tonight we have more laughter, more music and we have our highlight of a whole production of Westside Story for you to enjoy." There was more clapping before he came out with the bad part. "I?m sorry to announce that our guest singer tonight a Miss Gladys something cannot make it." The surname was smudged, still it didn?t stop some people making a sound of disappointment waft over the place. "But don?t worry! We have another high class in-house singer by the name of Missy Shazanay coming after our comedian has let out some more of his so-called funny jokes. Ladies and other persons present, here is our in-house comedian J.J!" Ben thought that name to be good as he was shoved out of the way by that Josh character all angry as he wasn?t meant to come on until after the singer.

    Again the audience clapped as Josh stepped out wearing a dazzling silver suit only to be outmatched by a small guy with a green one sitting near the front. "Hi ya hi ya hi ya! Glad to be here, are you?"

    A few replied yes, but only a few. Must have been that cordless joke he told before Ben thought as he walked away.

    "What the hell is my singing name?"

    "Heck I don?t know, I only hope you know how to sing out     there."

    Shaz could tell he wasn?t over the moon about it, either was she as she cast a glance over to the door just hoping her booked entertainment would walk though and relieve her of this burden.

    "I said, are you glad to be here?"

    "Yes!" Chino called out along with his heavies as they gave this entertainer what he wanted. This was fun! Until he heard that annoying man coughing again.

    "It sounds to me that you still have a problem."

    "Sorry, that sweet didn?t work."

    Chino tutted before suggesting, "Have you tried a shot of whiskey?"

    "I?ve tried that, it doesn?t seem to work." Then the guy started to cough even louder this time.

    Oh really, this is far too much that a man like me can take!     Chino thought to himself before pulling out his personal silver gun. Slowly pointing it at this chaps throat he suggested a permanent cure, "Maybe this will work on your annoying cough."

    The poor man swallowed, resisting the urge to cough again as he stammered out, "Yes, much better now thank you."

    "Good!" He re-holstered his gun, sat back down to listen to more of this comedy.

    Ben parked his bum down and had to listen to another stupid joke?

    "Okay, check out the latest study report from the government. It says that millions of adults can now read and write. Can you believe that? I?m afraid I can?t. Just look at the amount of stupid adults you get who queue up in the ten items or lower isle at the supermarket with their full trolleys! Hello! are they mental or what?"

    The audience shouted out that they were mental.

    "Or the ones who queue at the cash only counters and want to pay by credit card! Eh? Are they thick or what?" The audience gave him what he wanted and noted that even the mafia leader was joining in.

    "What about this then. Did you know Moses had a public relations officer called Dan. When he and his people reached the Red Sea, Moses called Dan and asked him where the boats are." He looked out at the fixed faces and noted all were suckered into this joke. "Oh I?m sorry Moses, said Dan. I was so busy with the press releases that I forgot to order the boats." Josh took a deep breath before continuing with this humorous joke he had borrowed out of a magazine he read just now on the coffee table. "You idiot! Moses exclaims. What do you expect me to do now? Raise my staff and ask God to part the Red Sae for us? Well Dan replied, if you can get God to do that, I could get you two pages in the Old Testament."

    The audience laughed again as Ben found himself back at the bar for another restorative drink.

    "What can I get you boss?" Frank asked as he leaned over the bar a little and felt his wig move a bit.

    "Oh, just a iced cola drink please."

    "Hey, have you checked out our new ice machine. It makes     unique ice cubes. Look! They are square but have a hole in them. But watch out these suckers are good at getting your tongue stuck in the hole. I have been warning the punt?I mean customers all night."

    Ben took out one of these unique ice cubes thinking how anyone could be dumb enough to get their tongue stuck in the centre. Placing it in his mouth the obvious happened, the darn thing lodged itself to the tip of his tongue. Ben tried to pull the stupid thing off, only to have it stick firm making his little member go numb with the cold. He just sat there hoping no one would speak to him until the thing melted away.

    Suddenly the comedian was finished and he introduced Ben?s wife and if Ben could have swallowed that ice cube whole he would have.

    "Wow! Your wife?s going to sing!" Frank shouted as he whistled out loud before frowning, "Can she sing?"

    Ben in turn tried to answer but found the cube an obstruction, so just shrugged his shoulders.

    Frank listened and instantly found his answer as she started off quietly before like an expensive firework burst out with a fantastic singing voice. He slapped another guy on the shoulder, "That?s this guy?s wife up there singing in that sexy tight fitting red dress looking sexy!"

    Again Ben couldn?t tick the guy off and just frowned before getting whacked on his back by the other guy.

    "You must be the luckiest man alive having that babe sing you to sleep every night."

    Ben nodded while noting the chap didn?t like being nodded to.

    "What, are you snobbish now that you can?t even speak to me?"

    Ben nodded that he wasn?t then as the guy started to get up he was stopped by Frank, "Can?t you see the boss here is just gob smacked by his wife?s performance."

    He rapidly picked up the glass of semi-warm cola and placed his tongue into it hoping the warmer substance would release the demon on his frozen tongue. As he was wiggling it about he happened to look up and note that his wife had stepped off the stage and was walking his way singing. She was upon him in an instant.

    Placing his glass down Shaz perched herself upon her husbands lap and sang some rather suggestive lyrics, "I only want to be with you, my lover boy."

    "Wow!" Ben said. This made his tongue fall out in a kind of pant and in turn the blasted cube detached itself and slithered down her low cut top, between two hills.

    Shaz resisted the urge to squeal as the ice cold cube went down her chest and slid melting as it did down to her knicker line. She was a professional singer at this point in time and so climbed off and walked round singing to men in this provocative way.

    "Perverts!" Ben mumbled to himself as he watched those men letching after his wife?s assets. He had a deep strange feeling welling up inside of him, no it wasn?t anything to do with jealousy it was more personal. Those blaster boxer shorts reaping merry hell down there. Getting up he walked all funny like over to the lift or elevator as Tom Hanks called it as he passed Ben.

    He was going upstairs to put on some comfortable pants while his wife couldn?t spy on him and stop him from doing so. While she was singing he was swinging those darned shorts into the nearest incinerator. Slipping away he left Frank talking to six new buddies.

    "Hey fellers, I see you have given your ladies the slip. How about having a little bet with me."

    "What kind?a bet?" Asked one of the six.

    "If you come round mine after we close. We can play a real man?s game."

    "I bet it?s blackjack," Said another while a skinny man came out with, "Nah poker!"

    "No it?s more fun than card games."

    "What is it Frank?" Asked a pretty drunk guy.

    "It?s called crack it. You see I bend over and you guys have to see just how many cream crackers you can wedge between my buttocks without any breaking off."

    The look of horror said it all as the bar rapidly vacated and the men went in search of their wives for safety.

    Frank left on his own shouted after them "No sense of adventure, go back to your mummies! I?ll just get my bar staff to play after work." As he cleared away he noted that all of his staff had gone on a tea break or something.

    Ben made it to the lift. Pressing the call button he waited, even out here the reception was busy. He imagines that the place would be empty as everyone was in there listening to his wife sing, or even the uninvited ones would rush in trying to catch a look at the place. The bell to the lift announced the opening of the doors, two people stepped out on their way to the coffee room. Jumping in he waited a few seconds for the doors to close and as soon as they did, he went to yanking down his trousers and was just about to pull down his boxer shorts when unexpectedly the bell went again and the doors parted. Grabbing hold of his trousers he managed to yank them up just in time as the Mayor and two pretty girls, his daughters came in.

    "Hello Ben, nice to see you again. I would like you to meet my two lovely daughters."

    The trouble was, Ben was holding onto his trousers with one hand whilst keeping his finger on the lift button he needed. The trouble was, when both Abigail and Penny offered their hand, he had none in which to hold onto anything.

    "Please to?"

    "Ahhhh!" Cried the second daughter as she collapsed into her fathers? arms. The daughter?s mother came in as the first daughter giggled before screaming when noting who had turned up.

    Ben in turn apologised, "Sorry! Trousers came down." All four were shocked to say the least as he looked down to see his trousers were down to his ankles and worse than that, those blasted boxer shorts had parted round the fly area. Then as the lift doors closed he found a few words which on hindsight were very inappropriate.. "Going up?"

    At this point the mother screamed and feinted.